A celebration of drunken jerkwads at the LA Coliseum

In case you missed it, this past Saturday night was the big exhibition game between the Los Angeles Dodgers and Boston Red Sox at the LA Coliseum. And yes, it was a gimmick, mainly to pad the Dodgers' attendance statistics for the season, but it worked - there was probably more buzz around town for this game than any Dodger game since the 1988 World Series. I chose not to go, for this simple reason:

(Asshole Dodger fans + Asshole Red Sox fans) * a ton of alcohol = a miserable experience

Seriously, I know people who were getting there at 8 a.m. to start tailgating. This is for a game that started at 7 p.m. I've done my share of tailgating there before USC games, but even for me, starting things out a solid 11 hours before the first pitch seems excessive.

Needless to say, I was basically right, if the stories I've heard from friends who did go to the game are any indication. I'll pass along one story relayed to me by a friend who witnessed this whole encounter while standing in (a huge) line waiting to use the urinals:

Drunk Red Sox fan is rambling on and on to anyone within ear shot about World Series rings, Boston sports, and their general superiority to sports from any other city - especially Los Angeles. So, your basic Boston sports fan. Directly behind him in line is a gentleman who is about 6'5", 250 pounds, wearing a Dodgers hat, Raiders jersey and a mean scowl. The Red Sox fan turns to him and says (in the middle of a rant about how Red Sox fans are so awesome that they turn any road game into a home game): "Thanks for coming out to our stadium toni-"

The last part was a bit clipped, on account of the Dodger fan leaning back and cold-cocking the Red Sox fan before he could finish the sentence. He fell, out cold, onto the ground, as his three friends took one look at the hulk brute who just decked their buddy and turned away, their eyes as big as saucers.

I'm not sure how to feel about all of that. I don't advocate violence of any kind, and it's exactly that kind of fan that makes me not want to bring my daughter to sporting events in Los Angeles anymore (especially USC games - thanks for your "support", Raider fans, but we'd rather you found something else to do). But at the same time...if anyone ever "has it coming to them", it's a loudmouth Red Sox fan.

Also of note: if you saw any of the game, you saw that they had a giant net instead of a "Green Monster" type fence in LF, since it was about 220 feet down the LF line. Which would have been fine, except that apparently in batting practice, they didn't have the net tight enough. So, several people apparently got beaned with line drives from about 200 feet away, because the net gave so much that the ball hit them anyway.

Good time, indeed.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:08 AM 3 comments  

US Military Ask Weis to Please Not Try to Motivate Troops in Middle East

KUWAIT CITY - Top US military officials today implored Notre Dame head football coach Charlie Weis to "please not derail things any more than they are" by attempting to use his "obviously deficient" motivational skills when he visits US forces in the Middle East in May with a group of college coaches.

"Coalition forces have made great strides since the troop surge," said Admiral Michael Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "Being a Navy man, I can tell you that the last thing we need is this joker giving a speech to the troops and setting us back three years."

Mullen added that Weis was welcome to join the group of coaches on their trip, provided that he didn't speak or make eye contact with any of the troops, and brought his own food and "kept his fat hands" off of the troops' MREs.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:09 PM 0 comments  

Recapping Last Night (Or So)

- Louisville is going to win the tournament, aren't they? It sure ain't gonna be UCLA if their "performances" in the past two rounds are any indictation.
- US soccer wins in Europe...again? 3-0 over Poland, who is a decent team. Maybe Bob Bradley was a better choice than Jurgen Klinsman after all.
- Oh yeah, the baseball season started a few days ago. You know, a full week before "Opening Day"...

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:42 PM 0 comments  

Ken Griffey Jr. Carefully Bubble-Wrapped, Hermitically Sealed Before Start of Season

SARASOTA, FL - A team of Cincinnati Reds personnel, assisted by antiquities professors and experts from the Smithsonian Institute, began preparing injury-prone Cincinnati Reds slugger Ken Griffey Jr. for shipment back to Cincinnati for the start of the regular season on April 1.

The time-intensive procedure involves several days of wrapping Griffey in specially-designed wraps, originally used for transporting relics and mummies from ancient Egyptian archaeological sites to labs for DNA testing. This process can take up to three days, team officials said.

"We have to take special care with his extremities," said Reds special assistant trainer Stephen Mandelbaum, a professor of archeology at Columbia University. "The points where his limbs attach to his torso bear a lot of weight, and you can get a lot of stress fractures in that area."

Mandelbaum explained that the procedure is similar to creating a custom mold for Griffey to rest in while being transported that can cushion him from any potentially destructive jostling. The mold has to be remade every season, Mandelbaum explained, to account for any additional weight or casts that Griffey has picked up in the off-season.

Through careful shipping and handling, Mandelbaum said the team hopes that Griffey can play in at least 130 games this season. The Reds added Mandelbaum and other leading academics last season as a response to what is commonly known as the Griffey Shipping Fiasco of 2006, when junior team staffers, left to handle the assignment, forgot to poke breathing holes in the crate Griffey was being shipped in and forgot to mark it at fragile. Griffey suffered slight oxygen deprivation and several other minor injuries, causing him to miss three-quarters of the season.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:28 AM 1 comments  

Stanford walk-on heroically holds back teammates after winning shot by Lopez

ANAHEIM - Stanford coaches and players praised little-used back-up center Tyler Daniels for the job he did holding back his teammates on the bench after Brook Lopez's jumper with 1.3 left in overtime to give the Cardinal an 82-81 win over Marquette in the second round of the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

"In the time out before the last play, our No. 1 concern wasn't drawing up a play - it was making sure that someone kept our bench players off the court when we made it," said Stanford assistant coach Doug Oliver. "Tyler's been waiting all season for just this moment, and he made the most of it."

Several of Daniels' teammates, lost in euphoria of Lopez's shot, jumped out of their seats at the end of the bench in a way that looked like they might storm the court in spite of the game not technically being over. Daniels, however, was ready, having extended his arms to full reach before the shot even went up in anticipation of such a situation.

"I spend an hour each day after practice working on my technique - spreading my arms out really wide, blocking any access to the floor by overexcited teammates," Daniels said after the game. "You put in all that hard work for an opportunity like this. It feels great to know that after four seasons and 15 total minutes, I could contribute something when the game was on the line."

Lopez, for his part, said it was "a highlight of his career" at Stanford to be able to make the shot and help set up Daniels' heroics.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 4:01 PM 0 comments  

Bracket, heart busted

I'm done with watching the NCAA tournament. OK, not really, but my heart's not going to be in it anymore. Not after watching USC pull an epic tank job against Kansas St. in their first round game yesterday. I guess for all the hype about OJ Mayo vs. Michael Beasley, USC forgot that Bill Walker is, in fact, a pretty good player as well. If only there was someone on the Trojans who was familiar with Walker and could have helped create a good scouting report to stop him.

Oh wait...

Actually, I don't blame OJ Mayo - he basically single-handedly lead the team back in the second-half from a double digit deficit to a brief lead. The problem is that, at least on offense, he had no help. Dwight Lewis made a couple of big shots, but other than that...nothing. I guess that is what happens when all three of your big men wind up playing most of the second half with four fouls. Although fouls or not, Taj Gibson was a mess yesterday - passes getting fumbled out of his hands and out of bounds, missed free throws, blown shots from two feet away...and always with the whining to the refs after every call or non-call. He's done that since he came to USC two years ago, and it needs to stop - it's embarrassing to watch.

Here's the bottom line - instead of being a Great, Program-Changing Season, this year's team simply turned out to be good, but not as good as last year's team. Even with someone as talented as OJ Mayo, there just wasn't enough scoring options and (ultimately) team cohesion to match what last season's team brought to the table. And with anywhere from one to three starters leaving after this season (Mayo, Gibson and Davon Jefferson could all declare early for the NBA draft), next year's team is going to have the same issues with coming together as a young team.

But hey, at least Lil' Romeo's going to be there next season, right? Maybe I can get him to autograph my bag of "BBQing with my Honey" flavored Rap Snacks...

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:28 AM 0 comments  

Rockets ready to return to mediocre basketball after streak snapped at 22

BOSTON - The Houston Rockets expressed relief on Tuesday night after their 94-74 loss to the Boston Celtics snapped their 22-game winning streak. In fact, in the locker room after the game, the atmosphere was anything but bleak despite the loss breaking the second-longest winning streak in NBA history.

"I don't think anyone can understand just how much pressure having a run of wins like this is," said Rockets star Tracy McGrady in the locker room after the game. "I think we're all glad to have the circus surrounding us over with, so we can go back to doing what is natural for us - being a mediocre basketball team."

Rockets head coach Rick Adelman said that the winning streak, which carried the Rockets from outside of the Western Conference playoff race to the top spot in the Conference, was a potential distraction for the playoffs.

"Honestly, it's like having a big weight taken off of our shoulders," Alston said. "Not sucking places a burden on you - people start expecting to you to actual perform night after night. For a team that's used to going .500 and continually underperforming, this kind of success can really mess with their pschye. It's like asking Sisyphus to start rolling the boulder downhill - how do you expect him to control it?"

Adelman added that he felt confident that the team would not let the recent winning streak impact their goals for the season, and that they were still "on-course" for their original plan to lose a first-round series in five games.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 4:52 PM 0 comments  

Tito Will NOT Be Denied Tentacle Play

Apparently Major League Baseball tried to pull a fast one on the Red Sox organization this week. Something about coaches and trainers not getting paid some extra dough for flying over the Pacific to play the A's in Japan.

Being the stand-up, do-gooders they are, the Red Sox threatened to simply not get on the plane unless Bud Selig got his checkbook out and took care of the staff. As of now, all is well.

Why these guys are getting an additional $40k on top of the dough they already get paid, I have no idea. The good news is they're now being "fairly" compensated for simply doing their jobs and will have the opportunity to really drink in all Japan has to offer.

$40,000 is a lot of bukakke.

Posted by McLane at 12:16 PM 1 comments  

Counterpoint: An Open Letter to ASU Basketball Fans

Dear ASU Fan,

I'm guessing you're still in shock. Yeah, I know some of you might have seen this coming, but I also personally know that a lot of you didn't. Either way, I know that it doesn't feel any better the day after to be left out of the NCAA Tournament than it did right after the announcements were made yesterday afternoon. If anything, the shock is starting to wear off, and the pain is starting to get more real.

And I want to sympathize. I honestly do. As a fan of a PAC-10 team, I want to see our conference get as much recognition as possible. I'll always root for a PAC-10 team versus any other team (provided that PAC-10 team isn't UCLA - I pretty much hope every day that their team, to quote a Kids in the Hall sketch, dies in a warehouse fire). It would have been great to see seven teams from the conference make the tournament.

But here's the thing...it was never, ever going to happen. Seven teams out of a 10-team conference was just absurd, a pipe dream. And if one team was going to be left out, it was always going to be you.

Of course, the No. 1 problem is here: take a look at the end-of-season RPI numbers and try to find Arizona St. You'll have to scroll down a bit, since they are way down at No. 83, directly behind teams that had no chance of getting an at-large bid like San Diego St. and Ohio. And why is that number so low? Because you played a lousy, terrible non-conference schedule, leading to you having the No. 77-ranked Strength of Schedule in the country. Versus Arizona and Oregon (the other two PAC-1o "bubble" teams that got in), which had RPIs of 38 and 58, and SOSs of 2 and 37, respectively.

"But Duke, why should it matter if you play a tougher schedule if you don't win the games?" I've heard this a lot the past 24 hours from ASU fans (all three that I know). But, if we're being honest - yeah, it does matter who you play, even if you lose. Because if you scheduled patsies instead of difficult games, that would be one or two extra wins on your record. Suddenly, Oregon and Arizona both look a lot more like tournament teams according to their records. By the way, here are each team's records against the Top 100 in RPI:

Arizona: 10-12
Arizona St.: 7-10
Oregon: 8-11

Not that I'm thrilled with any of those records, but Arizona St. had the worst record of the three teams. And that's something you can control.

But the bigger picture issue that most ASU fans don't want to deal with is that they weren't being judged against Arizona, or Oregon. They were being judged against all Division I teams. Whether they beat Arizona twice wasn't as important as where both team's resumes fit into the grand scheme of all Division I teams. And if you let the Sun Devils in the field, how are you going to tell the afore-mentioned San Diego St. and Ohio, not to mention the host of teams ahead of Arizona St. in the RPI, that they don't deserve to go?

And let's not bring up "Hey, we beat Xavier!" One win against a quality team does not an NCAA tournament resume make. Hell, how about Stephen F. Austin, then? They beat Oklahoma on the road, and finished 22-5. Charlotte went 5-5 against the RPI Top 50, and no one is bitching about them not making it.

The bottom line is: if you think Arizona St. was the last team out, that means that they would have (in theory) been in with one more win. And there were plenty of chances to get it. Blown call or not, Arizona St. had USC on the ropes in the PAC-1o tournament and then basically stopped scoring for the final 10 minutes of the game. They lost to a lousy Illinois team by 23 and a not-very-good Nebraska team by 15. Win one of those two games you should have won, and we're not having this discussion.

And oh yeah, going 5-10 in your last 15 games isn't really a great way to convince anyone that you are tournament-worthy. Not that it would have mattered much: as Pat Forde pointed out on ESPN.com, it's been seven years since a team with an RPI lower than No. 70 has won an NCAA tournament game. So, you probably just saved yourself a drubbing in the 6-11 game. Enjoy the NIT and a couple of extra home games, and don't worry about what the big boys are doing - it doesn't concern you.

Best,
The Duke of Kickball

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 3:55 PM 2 comments  

David Boston definitely not flying to New Zealand to buy party pills

TAMPA BAY, FL - Former Pro Bowl wide receiver David Boston said on Friday that his last-minute trip to New Zealand "absolutely, 100 percent no way" had anything to do with the country's upcoming ban on so-called legal "party pills" that have similar side effects to uppers, ecstasy and other recreational drugs that are currently illegal in the US.

Boston, who has had a checkered past with both performance-enhancing and recreational drug use during his playing career, told reporters that his trip was purely sightseeing in nature.

"I mean, I read that story on the Web the other day, but that had nothing to do with this trip," Boston said. "It just reminded me how much I've always wanted to go to New Zealand, so I decided to buy a plane ticket that night for this weekend."

When asked why he booked the trip so soon, Boston replied that he wanted to go now "while the political situation appears to be OK. Man, you never know when things can get crazy in those African countries!"

Boston said that his wife and two children would not be joining him for the trip, in part because he was only going to be in New Zealand less than 24 hours, and in part because he heard that the country was filled with "orcs, Hobbits, giant talking trees and other things that would probably scare the living shit out of my family. But I'm willing to risk it so that I can...umm...see the sights of New Zealand."

Boston stopped the interview with reporters short, saying that he needed to go home and prepare for the trip by "finding out where the pharmacies are in New Zealand" and "deciding which suitcases have the most hidden compartments."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:32 AM 1 comments  

Brian Roberts, 100 Percent All-Natural Guy

See, Brian Roberts really did just use steroids that one time, but he learned his lesson and isn't going to ever, ever do it again. I mean, the guy is eating nothing but organic foods. He can't be a steroid cheat, right? Right?!?

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:40 PM 0 comments  

Something like a Civil War

It was a pretty tense day here at Your Face is a Sports Blog - Arizona St. was playing USC in the Pac-10 Tournament. The Fightin' McLanes were looking to get off the NCAA tournament bubble with a win, while USC was looking to jump up a seed or more in the NCAA tournament with a strong run in the Pac-10 tourney.

It was a close game all the way. I missed the first half (thanks for starting the game involving the local team at noon, Pac-10!), but snuck out to McDonald's and watched the second half there (how I wish this wasn't true).

Here's what everyone is going to talk about after the game - this play and foul call on Arizona St.'s Jeff Pendergraft within the final 30 seconds and the Sun Devils trailing by two:



First, let me state for the record: that was a terrible call. Pendergraft simply outjumped Davon Jefferson and made a great play. I'd be ticked if it happened to USC, too. And certainly the pressure is on Pac-10 officials since their twin fuck-ups in UCLA's games over the weekend.

But here's the thing: Arizona St. finished the game missing their final 10 shots from the field. They didn't make a field goal in the final nine and a half minutes of the game. In short, the Sun Devils, with their season possibly on the line, completely fell apart. It's hard to make a case for a team that's on the bubble when that is how they handle pressure. SI's Stewart Mandel agrees - he has them out of the tournament as of right now.

A final thought - I saw at least three very ticky-tack fouls called against USC in the second half that led to Arizona St. free throws. But the bottom line is that people don't remember the dodgy call on a outside jumper with five minutes left - they remember the bad call on the game-tying slam dunk with 15 seconds left.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:26 PM 1 comments  

Another college basketball post-season tournament?

Looking on Fox Sports' Web site, I noticed a banner ad for something called the College Basketball Invitational, scheduled to start on March 18. Intrigued, I clicked on it (as you are welcome to do with my banner ads HINT HINT) and found this explanation:

"This event will feature 16 teams not playing in the 2008 NCAA Tournament and will secure an important opportunity for more deserving programs to have a postseason experience."

Don't we already have something like this called the NIT? Honestly, when you are the XFL in comparison to the freakin' NIT, you probably aren't that relevant. I can't really recall a lot of people saying "Yeah, the NCAA tournament is great, and I watch every NIT game, but I want more - if only there was another post-season tournament!"

Let's put it this way...after adding the College Basketball Invitational, there will be 113 teams involved in post-season play. That's out of a total of 341 Division I teams total. That means that almost one-third of all men's Division I teams will be playing in some form of the post-season this year.

But hey, it's good to know that those teams who were snubbed by the NIT will have a place to play in March. I'm sure they'll be extremely motivated.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:34 AM 3 comments  

On John Daly, Pac-Man Jones and Double Standards

So this weekend, legendary golf instructor Butch Harmon quit as John Daly's swing coach after a series of events that led Harmon to exclaim that "the most important thing in his life is getting drunk." In the interest in letting Harmon in on a few things, I'd like to point out to him a few other things that are the "most important things" in some other people's lives. Like, the most important thing...

in Matt Leinart's life is having sex with a bevy of hot coeds...
in Shaquille O'Neal's life is AM/PM hot dogs...
in Scrooge McDuck's life is swimming in a pool of gold coins...

You get the idea.

To recap the story, during a rain delay in the first round of the PODS Championship (don't ask, it's a terrible sponsor name for a tournament), Daly spent 2 1/2 hours at the Hooters corporate tent behind the 17th green. Presumably, he wasn't drinking diet Cokes and eating M&Ms. After play resumed, he decided it would be fun to have his good buddy, Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden, caddy for him. Shockingly, he would up shooting a 77 and followed that up with an 80 to miss the cut by roughly one bazillion strokes. However, if he was broken up about it, he didn't show it on Saturday, as he was signing various female body parts and getting hammered at the Hooters "Owl's Nest" at the tournament.

Oh, that wacky John Daly. Always getting into trouble! He's just a big ol' country boy who loves beer, women and golf, and probably in that order. He's like a walking Skoal ad. Wouldn't it be great if more golfers had a little bit of John Daly in him?

But here's the thing...

John Daly can get drunk during the actual playing of a competition, and he's a lovable redneck. But Pac-Man Jones likely won't be playing football this year, or any time soon, even though he hasn't been convicted of any crimes, merely of making stupid mistake after stupid mistake? You can't convince me that there is no connection between the public perception of the two and their race. More specifically, the neat stereotype that each athlete falls into: John Daly is the big, dumb redneck who is a train wreck but harmless (like Billy Carter), while Pac-Man Jones is the big scary black man who is going to sleep with and possibly kill your blonde, white women (like O.J. Simpson).

Obviously, race isn't the whole story here. Pac-Man Jones was suspended indefinitely by the NFL after a series of issues that involved guns and people being paralyzed. John Daly mainly gets drunk and makes an ass of himself (and maybe gets into fights with his wife of the moment that leaves her in jail and him with giant scratch marks on his face at the first tee). And as my wife pointed out tonight, the PGA Tour doesn't have to worry about John Daly becoming the harbinger for the actions of the rest of the players on tour - he's clearly an isolated exception to the rule. Meanwhile, the NFL is desperate to make sure that their league doesn't turn into the NBA (i.e. a league full of "gangstas" and thugs) in the eyes of the fans, and will do anything to stop it.

As for Gruden, his half-day as a caddy was well-received by the local media. See, John Daly's not a drunk with a gambling problem and a mean temper. He's a "colorful character"! I think the media would have been less sympathetic if Gruden had been spotted around town with Pac-Man Jones at Tampa Bay's finest Gentlemen's establishment. (And shouldn't he be spending less time hauling bags for John Daly and more time trying to figure out when Tampa Bay has approximately 18 quarterbacks on their roster, none of whom are any good?)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:24 PM 2 comments  

Red Sox Respond to Yankees, Sign Robin Williams

BOSTON - The Boston Red Sox today announced that Oscar winner Robin Williams will play in an exhibition game for the team later this month. The move is seen as a response to the New York Yankees announcement that Billy Crystal will also suit up and join the Yankees in an upcoming exhibition game, and an attempt to close the gap in moderately funny comedians from the 1980s whose career have fallen on hard times.

"The Yankees might have an Oscar host, but we have an Oscar winner," said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. "Plus, what has Billy Crystal done in the past 10 years? While he's been busy chasing the Clippers around the country, Robin Williams has been starring in hit movies such as Man of the Year, RV and August Rush."

For his part, the 56 year-old Williams said that taking the field for the Red Sox is "a dream come true."

"I've been a huge fan of the Red Sox for a long time, all the way back to when I made Good Will Hunting," Williams said.

He then went on to recite the entire speech his character from the movie made about Cartlon Fisk's game-winning home run in the 1975 World Series in front of a cadre of increasingly bored reporters, before devolving into a 20-minute long, sporadically humorous riff with tangents including: rosin bags and their similarities to cocaine; Al Gore's hatred of pine tar; and baby poop.

In a related note: in an attempt to stiumlate their fan base, the Tampa Bay Rays had offered one-day minor league contracts to Shecky Green, Don Rickles and Charlie Callas.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:02 PM 0 comments  

Why Gonzaga vs. San Diego matters

If you are a fan of a team currently on the men's NCAA basketball tournament bubble (such as Arizona St., Arizona, Texas A&M, Kentucky), you should make sure you are watching the West Coast Conference Championship between Gonzaga and San Diego tonight on ESPN. And, it wouldn't be a bad idea to flip back to the Southern Conference tournament final between Davidson and Elon on ESPN2, either.

Why? Because the favorites in both games (Gonzaga and Davidson) have very legitimate chances of receiving at-large bids into the NCAA tournament even if they lose tonight and don't get the automatic bid (Gonzaga is pretty much a lock, Davidson would be firmly a bubble team). And if they get in with at-large berths instead of automatic bids, that's two spots that won't be available
to current "bubble" teams like the ones I mentioned.

If you love basketball, it would be fantastic to see some upsets in these conference tournaments and a few Cinderella teams make it to the Big Dance. But if you are a fan of a bubble team, you have to resist that urge with all your will and be the Ugly Stepsister who hope Cinderella gets crushed under the wheel of that pumpkin carriage.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:51 AM 1 comments  

Last Night's Pac-10 Basketball Round-Up

- UCLA beat Stanford in overtime 77-67 to win the regular season conference title. Of course, there wouldn't have been an overtime if Darren Collison hadn't have been...touched?...lightly grazed?...
by Stanford's Lawrence Hill while driving to the basket down by two at the end of regulation:



Which, yeah, it's a terrible call. But keep in mind that a) Stanford blew a big lead in the game and b) how do you not have some sort of way to stop Collison from getting that much penetration at the end of the game to begin with?

- Meanwhile, cross-town, USC was doing their best to blow a game they needed, choking away a 10-point lead in the final two minutes and change before coming back in overtime to beat Cal, 93-89. Yes, the win basically locks up USC's NCAA tournament bid, but as a fan I'm concerned. This isn't the first time USC has failed to hold onto a big lead late and had to go to OT to get the win, and I don't like seeing the defense get torched like that. Actually, "seeing it" was impossible, since it wasn't on TV here in LA. Thanks, Fox Sports!

- Remember how excited Arizona St. fans were getting about beating USC, and how they were already trying to decide on their viewing plans for the Sun Devils' opening round game? Well, I guess they forgot that they had two more games to play on the road, starting with last night against Oregon. Unfocused team + desperate opponent + difficult venue = a 67-61 loss and a return squarely to the edge of the NCAA tournament bubble. (ESPN's Joe Lunardi has them as one of the last four teams in so you would think it would behoove them to win at least one game in the Pac-10 tournament, and for God's sake don't lose to Oregon St.)

Meanwhile, Oregon fans are cute and delusional and still think they have a chance to get into the tournament as an at-large.

- Arizona crushed Oregon St. 81-45, and more importantly perhaps, got starter Nic Wise back from a knee injury that has sidelined him for much of the season. On a related note, I don't think you can overstate how awful Oregon St. is until you see them firsthand. It's rare that you see a team that is physically outclassed that also manages to be less prepared, disciplined or focused than their opponents game after game. It's an impressive display of suckage.

So the bottom line is, how many berths will the NCAA give the Pac-10? I still think five - it will be hard to sell sending two teams with .500 regular season conference records (which Arizona, Arizona St. and Oregon will all have at best).

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:47 PM 1 comments  

Shocking news: Marniovich other than Todd arrested

Two Syracuse football players were arrested early Sunday morning after getting drunk and breaking into a sports equipment room. The two players - senior Paul Chiara and freshman Mikhail Marinovich - have been charged with misdemeanor mischief and were released on appearance tickets.

I know what you're thinking, and...yes, it's THAT Marinovich family name, specifically the little brother of former USC and Raiders QB and legendary fuck-up Todd Marinovich. If you aren't aware of the Todd Marinovich story, a brief recap:

His dad pushed him to be the "perfect QB" from his elementary school days, regimenting his life so much that he was never allowed to eat at McDonald's - even once - lest it destroy his nutrition routine. He went to USC and was starting QB as a freshman, quickly being thought of as the Next Big Thing after leading them to the Rose Bowl.

Then things went south. He left USC after a falling out with Coach Larry Smith over his - personal habits. He was drafted in the first round by the Raiders, and got off to a great start with them before falling apart. Rumors of drug use abounded as he was let go by the Raiders and fell out of the NFL. He bounced around the CFL and Arena League, and got into increasingly more and more legal trouble.

I was the beat reporter for the LA Avengers during their inaugural season for the OC Register. I wasn't at practice when he was arrested on rape charges, but I can tell you that in my experiences with him...well, let's just say that he could have been auditioning for the role of The Dude in the national touring company of "The Big Lebowski: The Musical!" There was a lot of haze behind the eyes, so it was no shock that he was arrested for heroin possession in 2001, effectively ending any playing career he might have.

What's he been up to since then? I'll let his Wikipedia entry speak for itself:

Marinovich was arrested in a public bathroom in Newport Beach, California in May 2005, after being found with apparent drug paraphernalia and child pornography. He fled on a child's bicycle, but was caught a few blocks away. He gave his occupation as "unemployed artist" and "anarchist" on the police report, which stated that his pupils were dilated and his behavior "erratic." He was ordered to undergo six months of drug rehabilitation followed by six months of outpatient treatment as a result.

In August 2007, Marinovich was arrested and charged with felony drug possession and resisting a police order after being stopped for skateboarding near the Newport Beach, California Pier boardwalk, where skateboarding is forbidden by local ordinance. Marinovich ran away when officers tried to stop him. He was found hiding in a carport about six blocks away. He had a guitar case, and inside officers found about a gram of powdered methamphetamine, a metal spoon and a hypodermic needle, Sgt. Evan Sailor said. Marinovich was arrested and pleaded not guilty to felony possession of a controlled substance and misdemeanor counts of unauthorized possession of a hypodermic and resisting a police officer.

So while getting arrested for breaking into an equipment shed with a teammate while drunk might seem minor - in the Marinovich family, I believe it's called "taking the first step" towards a lengthy career of fucking up. I expect to see the younger Marinovich high on mescaline in the Syracuse belltower, shooting people with a BB gun within a year. After all, he has a family reputation to uphold.

P.S. Here's a photo of Mikhail. I'm surprised that he would get into trouble - he looks like such a clean-cut young man...

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:08 AM 1 comments  

Brett Favre cannot believe Aaron Rodgers is falling for "retirement" prank

GREEN BAY, WI - Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre today expressed amazement to close friends that teammate Aaron Rodgers is falling for his elaborate "retirement" practical joke.

"Every year after the season ends, I get him all wound up, thinking that maybe this year will be the year that he gets to take over," Favre told a group of close friends at a Green Bay TGI Fridays. "I think he was starting to catch on, so I had to amp things up a little bit after this season. But man oh man, is he falling for it hook, line and sinker."

According to Favre, only a small number of people know about his prank, and Green Bay head coach Mike McCarthy is not one of them.

"I feel bad about keeping secrets from Coach, but I just couldn't take the risk of him slipping up and spilling the beans," Favre said. "Plus, he's probably already making his plans for how to run the offense with Aaron, and who his back-up ups are going to be - all the better to sell the plan."

Favre has apparently already worked out how to spring the reveal of the prank on Rodgers. Without going into detail with his friends, he did say that "when I take off my fake mustache and tear-away janitor outfit with my uniform underneath, Aaron is going to lose it. I can't wait to see the look on his face!"

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:08 PM 1 comments  

The Lawrence Phillips of Louisiana High School Basketball

Hitting the winning basket as time expires to give your team a dramatic win in the playoffs - it's the dream scenario for any high school kid, right? Well, that's what happened to Josh Wiltz, as his short jumper at the buzzer capped a comeback from seven points down with two minutes to play and lifted Lafayette High to a 50-48 victory over Destrehan High this past weekend and a place in the quarterfinals of the Louisiana state boys' basketball tournament.

The Times-Picayune in New Orleans had a nice story about the game and an interview with Wiltz. What was remarkably missing from the piece, though, was the main piece of drama surrounding the game and Wiltz's status. You see, the young man had been arrested the previous weekend on a variety of charges, including illegal use of weapons, possession of marijuana, illegal use of a controlled substance and illegal carrying of a weapon, and his status for the game was in doubt.

Now, just because the kid was arrested the previous weekend for having drugs and guns, it would have been easy to suspend him - but that's called taking the easy way out. Instead, Lafayette head coach Clifton Brown decided to make the tough choice and let his starter play despite the arrest:

"He will play tonight,'' Brown said Friday afternoon. "It's an in-house matter. We know the story. The administration and the team fully support the decision. It was a situation that took place off the campus. As far as the school is concerned, we're going to wait to see how it plays out in the legal system.

"We've addressed it here, because he is a part of the basketball team.''

See! It happened off-campus, so there's no need for his school activities (such as basketball) to be impacted by it! Next thing you know, they be saying that you have to sit out of football games just because you, say, drag your girlfriend down the stairs by her hair during a domestic dispute. That's crazy talk, and missing the point.

Don't believe me? Just ask Lafayette High Principal Patrick Leonard:

"This particular student went to the coach and said this is what happened and 'I don't want the team to be hurt by it.' The first thought he had was about the team being affected," Leonard said.

Leonard said discipline is intended to change behavior, "not to ruin lives."

"But to instruct, teach and make them a better person," Leonard said.

As for Wiltz...he "offered his thanks to a higher power" after cutting down the nets after the game. Well, I guess the "higher power" only cared about them getting past the quarterfinals, because word came out today that Wiltz would not play for Lafayette for the rest of the playoffs. The Times-Picayune story also has a little more detail about Wiltz's initial arrest:

Lt. Craig Stansbury, spokesman for the Lafayette Parish Sheriff's Office, said Wiltz was the driver of a vehicle that was stopped and that Wiltz gave permission to have the vehicle searched. The search turned up a weapon, and a small amount of marijuana was found on Wiltz, Stansbury said.

It doesn't appear that any new evidence has come to light against Wiltz. One can only assume that the coaching staff and administration at Lafayette High came to their senses, and realized what a distraction it was to have Wiltz continue to play, and what a poor message it sent to his teammates (and any youth sports athlete) about discipline and staying out of trouble.

Either that, or Wiltz was a bad match-up against the other team, and he was going to be on the bench anyway.

(Note: Welcome Deadspin Readers! Please check out some of our other articles, which might either give you enjoyment or a sense of nausea and inexplicable anger.)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:51 PM 1 comments  

A different kind of (pin)stripes

I'm guessing if you're a minor-leaguer with the Yankees, and you're trying to impress the club, the best way to do so isn't to get arrested at 2:30 a.m. at a bar and restaurant after trying to start a fight and resisting a bouncer trying to get you to leave. According to Tampa police, New York minor-leaguer Austin Krum is "charged with trespassing and obstructing cops after he pulled away when officers moved to arrest him, forcing them to push him down to cuff him."

If only the kid was born 30 years ago, Billy Martin probably would have had him in the starting rotation by now. And have punched his lights out in a bar.

The New York Post (your source of record for players getting arrested at bars) points out that the bar in question was the same place where the 2006 Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees had certain unseemly and awesome photos taken of her that lead to being stripped of her crown.

Which, of course, gives me an excuse to link to said photos (not safe for work). She's the one in red. If this is what this bar is like, no wonder the guy didn't want to leave.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 4:07 PM 0 comments  

The Return of the Birdman

If I were the GM of one of the surprise teams in the NBA, and it was getting near the playoffs, I think I wouldn't want to do much to disrupt team chemistry. Like, say, bringing back a player who had been kicked out of the league for two years for drug abuse and dropping him straight into the pressure cooker of a playoff drive.

But, that's just what the New Orleans Hornets are doing, as they have announced plans to sign Chris "Birdman" Andersen after he was reinstated by the NBA on Tuesday. If you aren't familiar, Andersen was a back-up center, who was kicked out of the league back in 2006 for testing positive for the class of drug that includes: meth, cocaine and heroin. Obviously, once he was reinstated, it was clear that New Orleans would welcome him back with open arms: how could you turn away a guy that averaged five points per game his last season, especially in the middle of a playoff chase?

Along with his drug habit, Andersen was known for two things: his "arms flapping" celebration that earned him the nickname "Birdman"; and for completely fucking things up in the 1996 NBA Slam Dunk contest, including needing eight attempts to make his first dunk and five to make his second.

Witness the carnage unfold, helpfully set to "Yakkity Sax":



There was a press conference today to announce Andersen's return. I am not going to comment on his current condition, or if he is actually has his life straightened out (I hope he does). But still...this photo from today doesn't exactly say "clean and sober":















(Photo: Rusty Costanza, The Times-Picayune)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:45 PM 1 comments  

Quick Hits

• The NBA-mandated replay of the final 51.9 seconds of the Heat-Hawks game is on Saturday. The NBA has ruled that players acquired after the game (such as Shawn Marion) can play for their new teams. But Shaq (who started the whole thing by being incorrectly ruled to have fouled out) won't be playing. Makes sense to me.
• So apparently, if you are a English soccer player and your brother is in jail for six years for a vicious assault that left the victim partially blind, it's poor taste to celebrate a goal by pretending that you are in handcuffs? Those Brits are so straitlaced.
• Sho Taguchi thinks that King Salomon is some sort of sushi roll. Hilarity ensures. Oh, those wacky Japanese..

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:36 PM 0 comments  

Royals Outsource 2008 Season to India

KANSAS CITY - In a move believed to be a first in American professional sports, the Kansas City Royals announced today that they would be outsourcing their entire 2008 season to workers based in India. By bringing in a legion of leading cricket batsmen to replace the Royals' current roster, Royals management claim that they can "maintain the level of quality our fans have come to expect from us" at a fraction of the cost.

"At $10 to $15 an hour, we're going to get a lot more bang for our buck," said Royals owner David Glass. "Can you believe that we were actually paying some of these guys millions of dollars, and still only getting 50 wins a season? From a business standpoint, that just didn't make any sense. These cricket players know how to handle...that thing they use to hit cricket balls. We figure that it might be a rough transition period for them to adjust to baseball, but what's the difference between 50 wins and 10 wins, really?"

As part of an accelerated corporate training program referred to by the Royals as "Spring Training", many of the top stars of Indian cricket were trying to adapt to the rules and equipment of American baseball, with varying degrees of success.

"Where are the wickets?," asked veteran cricket batsman Anaad Singh when arriving for the first session. "Why is the bowler standing on that mound of dirt? Why is the boundary so close to where I"m batting from? This is confusing."

Still, despite the initial jitters, Singh and all of his new teammates appear determined to make the best of the situation, for the same reason.

"I make 1,000 rupees a month (roughly $25 US dollars) playing for the Indian national cricket team," Singh said. "With the money the Royals are paying, I can live like a king. Also, I have never heard of a baseball player having his throat sliced open by angry fans after a bad performance."

The newly-christened Dehli Rajahs will play all of their home games in a state-of-the-art stadium built in Delhi's downtown. Reduced costs of employees, along with what the team hopes is curiosity in American baseball, should help pay for the stadium and get the team into a profit situation within six months, which would be a huge turnaround for one of three MLB teams to average less than 20,000 fans a game last season.

"In order to meet our financial goals, we need to average 25,000 people a game," Glass said. "That's roughly one-tenth of one percent of the city's total population, and we think that we can achieve that. Indian people love American sports, and I'm sure that they'll want to come out, eat some Chaat and Pani Puri, and check out their team."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 12:46 PM 0 comments  

ESPN plans nonstop coverage of The Start of the Aaron Rodgers Era in Green Bay

BRISTOL, CT - ESPN moved into high-gear on Tuesday, planning exclusive wall-to-wall coverage after the announcement of the retirement of the Packers' current quarterback paved the way for the beginning of the Aaron Rodgers Era in Green Bay.

"Over the next 24 hours, ESPN is going to be your go-to source for coverage of this historic moment in NFL history," said Norby Williamson, ESPN Executive Vice President, Studio and Remote Production. "You can pretty much call us Aaron Rodgers Central at this point."

Coverage highlights include: round-the-clock SportsCenters with the latest news about Aaron Rodgers' ascension to the starting QB job in Green Bay; interviews with friends and family reminiscing about Rodgers' childhood in Chico, CA; a SportsNation poll asking if Rodgers is in the Top Five NFL quarterbacks today; and segments comparing Rodgers against other first-round draft picks in an historical context. ESPN Classic is also suspending all scheduling programming today (boxing, poker, American Gladiators) for a 24 hour marathon of Rodgers' greatest games while at Cal, including one that his team actually won.

Time permitting, Williamson said that the network would talk with Brett Favre, the quarterback Rodgers is replacing.

"We've found that ESPN viewers are young and edgy, and care more about 'Who's Now" than old, retiring players," Williamson said. "But, if we have time, we'd like to get this guy's take on if Aaron Rodgers is going to be as good as the best quarterback in Packers history, or if he might even be better than Bart Starr."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:38 AM 1 comments  

Gus Johnson: BUCKLE UP

If you watch college basketball at all, you know the genius the is Gus Johnson. Simply put, nobody puts more excitement into a game than him (even Big Game Brent Musburger, who is still my choice for college football). He had the call of yesterday's Marquette/Georgetown game, which was a last-second thriller that came down to overtime.

Needless to say, Gus was his usual, subdued self.

I want Gus Johnson to follow me around, just calling events in my life.

"And Richard goes in for the final pitch...yeaaargh, he closes the lead!"

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:50 PM 3 comments  

The Presidential Election Donation Game Answer Key

Complete your quiz from the start of the weekend? Put down your pencil and paper, and time to grade yourself (clean up afterwards, please)...

1. Lakers legend and terrible talk show host Magic Johnson ($4,600 & $2,300): Hillary Clinton & Barack Obama
   
2. Boxing promoter and convicted manslaughterer Don King ($4,600): Barack Obama
   
3. Zen coach Phil Jackson ($2,300 - typo in amount from original): Barack Obama
   
4. Equine-featured Hall of Fame QB John Elway ($2,300): Rudy Giuliani
   
5. The Round Mound of Rebound Charles Barkley ($2,ooo): John Edwards
   
6. Tennis icon Martina Navratilova ($1,000): John Edwards
   
7. Tennis legend and FOE (Friend of Elton) Billie Jean King ($4,600): Hillary Clinton
   
8. Cleveland Indians reliever JD Martin ($2,000): Chris Dodd
   
9. Pasty Celtics great Danny Ainge ($2,300): Mitt Romney
   
10. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell ($2,300): John McCain
    
11. HBO boxing mouthpiece Larry Merchant ($2,300): Hillary Clinton
    
12. Pine tar enthusiast (and hemorrhoids sufferer) George Brett ($2,300): Mitt Romney
    
13. NBA Star and walking injury risk Grant Hill ($2,300): Barack Obama
    
14. NASCAR superstar Jeff Gordon ($2,300): Rudy Giuliani
    
15. AL MVP Alex Rodriguez ($2,300): Rudy Giuliani
    
16. New York Knick and lover of interns Stephon Marbury ($4,600): Barack Obama
    
17. Stiff Oakland Raiders and Arizona St. QB Andrew Walter ($500): Mike Huckabee
    
18. The Real Home Run King Hank Aaron ($2,300): Hillary Clinton
    
19. Warriors point guard and burly beard man Baron Davis ($2,300): Barack Obama
    
20. NFL MVP and advertiser's wet dream Peyton Manning ($2,300): Fred Thompson
    
21. Noted French-Canadian Mario Lemieux ($2,300): Hillary Clinton (interesting note: he also donated to the Senate campaign of right-winger Rick Santorum in 2000 - maybe as a Canadian he doesn't understand the whole American political system)
    
22. Navy man Roger Staubach ($2,300): John McCain
    
23. NBA Commissioner David Stern ($4,600): Hillary Clinton
    
24. Cubs first baseman (who is not better than Albert Pujols, Chicago fan) Derrek Lee ($9,200): Barack Obama
    
25. Dodgers announcing legend Vin Scully ($2,100): Mitt Romney

...and for the bonus question: Deadspin.com's Will Leitch donated $250 to Barack Obama. Hey, every little bit helps!

Any surprises for you? I was a little disappointed that Vin Scully donated to Romney. And Mario Lemieux donated to both Hillary and Santorum - that's sort of like supporting the Allies and Axis in WWII.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:23 PM 1 comments