Red Sox Respond to Yankees, Sign Robin Williams

BOSTON - The Boston Red Sox today announced that Oscar winner Robin Williams will play in an exhibition game for the team later this month. The move is seen as a response to the New York Yankees announcement that Billy Crystal will also suit up and join the Yankees in an upcoming exhibition game, and an attempt to close the gap in moderately funny comedians from the 1980s whose career have fallen on hard times.

"The Yankees might have an Oscar host, but we have an Oscar winner," said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. "Plus, what has Billy Crystal done in the past 10 years? While he's been busy chasing the Clippers around the country, Robin Williams has been starring in hit movies such as Man of the Year, RV and August Rush."

For his part, the 56 year-old Williams said that taking the field for the Red Sox is "a dream come true."

"I've been a huge fan of the Red Sox for a long time, all the way back to when I made Good Will Hunting," Williams said.

He then went on to recite the entire speech his character from the movie made about Cartlon Fisk's game-winning home run in the 1975 World Series in front of a cadre of increasingly bored reporters, before devolving into a 20-minute long, sporadically humorous riff with tangents including: rosin bags and their similarities to cocaine; Al Gore's hatred of pine tar; and baby poop.

In a related note: in an attempt to stiumlate their fan base, the Tampa Bay Rays had offered one-day minor league contracts to Shecky Green, Don Rickles and Charlie Callas.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:02 PM 0 comments  

A different kind of (pin)stripes

I'm guessing if you're a minor-leaguer with the Yankees, and you're trying to impress the club, the best way to do so isn't to get arrested at 2:30 a.m. at a bar and restaurant after trying to start a fight and resisting a bouncer trying to get you to leave. According to Tampa police, New York minor-leaguer Austin Krum is "charged with trespassing and obstructing cops after he pulled away when officers moved to arrest him, forcing them to push him down to cuff him."

If only the kid was born 30 years ago, Billy Martin probably would have had him in the starting rotation by now. And have punched his lights out in a bar.

The New York Post (your source of record for players getting arrested at bars) points out that the bar in question was the same place where the 2006 Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees had certain unseemly and awesome photos taken of her that lead to being stripped of her crown.

Which, of course, gives me an excuse to link to said photos (not safe for work). She's the one in red. If this is what this bar is like, no wonder the guy didn't want to leave.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 4:07 PM 0 comments  

Report: Santana Traded to the Mets

According to USA Today's Bob Nightengale, the New York Mets have acquired two-time Cy Young winner Johan Santana from the Minnesota Twins in exchange for four minor-league prospects. On the surface, the deal seems OK for the Twins: the four players (pitchers Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey and outfielder Carlos Gomez) are four of the Mets' top seven prospects, according to Baseball America.

But here's the weird part - not part of the deal was Fernando Martinez, the Mets' No. 1 prospect in their farm system - he's listed by Baseball America as their leading prospect on the team at hitting for power and average. It's baffling to me that - when trading away arguably the best pitcher in baseball, that you wouldn't get the other team's No. 1 prospect as part of the package. Especially since it was rumored that adding Martinez to the trade was crucial for the Twins to make the deal with the Mets.

The Twins had earlier set today as the deadline for offers from interested teams. Unless you believe the rumors echoed by The Twins Geek, that Santana imposed the deadline himself. No matter what, it certainly didn't help the Twins get the best deal possible. Needless to say, the fans commenting at Twinkie Town have been less than unanimous in their support.

So, we'll see. Martinez could flame out (he struggled in his call up to Double-A last season, but he is very young) and Gomez could be a future Hall of Famer. But it's hard to look at that trade without thinking there is a lot more celebration in the Mets' offices today than in the Twins'

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 3:42 PM 1 comments  

A-Rod re-signs with the Yankees for $275 million

First the guy has the nerve to announce that he's opting out of his contract during a World Series game. So what does Alex Rodriguez do for an encore? Try to upstage another celebration of baseball in the modern era, otherwise known as "Mitchell Report Day". Just when you were prepared for a full day of rumors, denials, tearful admissions and speculation, A-Rod had to ruin it by signing a 10-year, $275 million contract with the Yankees, assuring that all of this wonderful, glorious steroid talk with be partially overshadowed by something as pointless as baseball-related matters.

What a jerk. No wonder everyone hates him. That, and the aloof, smug attitude. And the choking in the clutch.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:22 AM 1 comments