Let's whore Morrissey out for every NFL team

As I'm sure you've seen and heard if you've watched more than 10 minutes of a NFL broadcast this season, the NFL Network is using Morrissey's "Everyday Is Like Sunday" as the centerpiece of their new advertising campaign. Apparently, it was only the second most wholly-inappropriate 80s song they could find, but the royalties cost for U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" were just too high. If you haven't seen the commercial yet, here it is:



Which got me thinking: if you're going to use one Morrissey song, why not dip into ihs whole back catalog, including his songs with The Smiths? I have some suggestions that the NFL Network could use to create team-specific commercials for this season:

• Panic - New England Patriots (they might want to change the chorus to "hang Matt Cassel, hang Matt Cassel, hang Matt Cassel")
• The Last of the Famous International Playboys - Arizona Cardinals (lots of shots of Matt Leinart partying with coeds cut with him sitting on the sidelines)
• How Soon Is Now? - For the young, upstart Buffalo Bills
• The Ordinary Boys - Dallas Cowboys
• There's A Place In Hell For Me And My Friends - Detroit Lions
• Bigmouth Strikes Again - Cincinnati Bengals (featuring highlights of Chad Ocho Cinco)
• We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful - Green Bay Packers
• The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get - The suddenly 5-0 Tennessee Titans
• You're The One For Me, Fatty - Philadelphia Eagles, focusing on corpulent head coach Andy Reid
• You Have Killed Me - Kansas City Chiefs, with highlights of Tony Gonzalez walking off the field following defeat after defeat
• This Charming Man - New York Jets
• Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - Seattle Seahawks

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:39 PM 3 comments  

LA bar bans fans from wearing Dodger gear

As you know, I'm far from a Dodgers fan, and seeing them fall apart so completely last night against the Phillies - well, that was pretty fun. But from what I'm hearing, one of the biggest, most popular sports bars in the LA area is sticking it to Dodgers fans even harder than I would endorse. Several sources have told me that Big Wangs North Hollywood - the recently-opened offshoot of the popular Big Wangs sports bar in Hollywood - has banned anyone from wearing Dodger gear, whether the team is playing or not.

But here's the kicker - when you go down tomorrow night for the Phillies/Dodgers game, you can wear a Phillies hat, jersey, shirt...hell, you can show up as the Phillie Phanatic for all they care, and that won't be a problem. But God help you if you have any Dodgers apparel on. You know, the most popular team in Los Angeles?

The story is that there was a fight at the bar last weekend, and the instigator had a Dodgers cap on. So the management decided to be completely logical and measured in their response, by banning any Dodger apparel of any kind in the bar.

I've heard of clubs banning sports wear, but that's usually either to enforce a dress code or to eliminate gang colors. But a sports bar? In North Hollywood? And if you are going to specifically target one team, do you really want to upset Dodger fans? They are acting as if the problem wasn't that an oafish, drunken Dodger fan got into a fight, but that an oafish, drunken Dodger fan got into a fight because he had a Dodgers hat on. Which is lunacy.

I called Big Wangs North Hollywood and spoke to a waitress/bartender who confirmed everything I had been told. Her line was "you can't take the punk out of the jersey, but you can...you know...take the jersey out of the punk, or whatever." I'm sure she's a sweet girl, probably with big melons.

I've never heard of a sports bar banning the apparel of their hometown team, especially when that team is in the playoffs. Needless to say, there are a lot of pissed off Dodger fans who are vowing never to come back. Hardly the kind of word of mouth a bar that just opened in a new location needs, right?

Note: I would suggest that Big Wangs put something about this on their Web site so people can know before they show up, but since the site currently seems to be suspended with a note to "contact the billing/support department as soon as possible," it seems like they have bigger fish to fry.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:33 AM 7 comments