Earthquake!!!

And no, not this guy. We just had a pretty decent jolt here in Southern California - a 5.8, centered about 45 miles away from downtown in Chino Hills. I'm on the 25th floor of a building on "rollers" - basically, it's designed to sway pretty significantly in order to minimize any structural damage. And it did sway - picture being in the cabin of a boat during a really bad storm, and that's about what it was like. Some girl at my friend Michael's office threw up because it was her first earthquake, and also because she is a girl.

Also, BLAARGHFHGH!!!

But seriously, I'm hearing sirens around my neighborhood, and while a 5.8 is big, it you wouldn't think that it would cause more than some minor structural damages. Still, I hope everyone out closer to the epicenter is OK.

And before anyone asks, no, this wasn't caused by Andruw Jones doing jumping jacks. There is no way his fat ass could even get off the ground.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 12:07 PM 1 comments  

Favre ready to send in reinstatement letter as soon as he can find a damned stamp

GULFPORT, MISSISSIPPI - At a hastily-called press conference outside of his home, Brett Favre today announced that he had signed his letter asking the NFL for reinstatement, and that he planned on mailing it in as soon as he could find a stamp.

"I've turned this damned place upside down looking for a stamp, and I ain't got anything," Favre said. "Maybe if you reporters had one, maybe in your wallets or purses, that would be a big help."

Favre said he looked in every place in his house for stamps, as well as the glove compartments of his family cars. Although he was unsuccessful in finding stamps, Favre did find a Super Bowl in his kitchen junk drawer.

"I wonder which one this is?," Favre asked. "I bet it's the one against Atlanta - to tell you the truth, that win didn't mean all that much."

Favre said that he had even gone on the US Postal Service Web site, after his friend Bucky told him that you could buy postage there. However, after 45 minutes, Favre abandoned the attempt.

"It was pretty confusing - you had to feed the envelope into the printer a certain way for it to print the postage on, and I'm no good with that sort of thing," he said. "What if they print up the wrong postage, and it gets sent back to me. It's better if I can just find a stamp."

Hopes had been raised in the Favre household earlier in the morning when a stamp booklet was found in a bedroom dresser drawer. However, those hopes were quickly dashed when it was discovered that the booklet was empty.

Later in the afternoon, ESPN's Chris Mortensen reported that Favre had found a mostly full booklet of 29 cent stamps, but was unsure if using two of those stamps would cause the post office not to deliver it because of "over-postaging it." There were also unconfirmed reports that Favre had attempted to remove a stamp from a received envelope with steam.

Favre said that as a last resort he would go into town to buy a stamp at the post office. However, he was relucant to do so, as this would likely lead to his wife "having me run errands and do a bunch of shopping and stuff. Nag, nag, nag - why do you think I'm so desperate to come back?"

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:16 AM 0 comments