KANSAS CITY - In a move believed to be a first in American professional sports, the Kansas City Royals announced today that they would be outsourcing their entire 2008 season to workers based in India. By bringing in a legion of leading cricket batsmen to replace the Royals' current roster, Royals management claim that they can "maintain the level of quality our fans have come to expect from us" at a fraction of the cost.
"At $10 to $15 an hour, we're going to get a lot more bang for our buck," said Royals owner David Glass. "Can you believe that we were actually paying some of these guys millions of dollars, and still only getting 50 wins a season? From a business standpoint, that just didn't make any sense. These cricket players know how to handle...that thing they use to hit cricket balls. We figure that it might be a rough transition period for them to adjust to baseball, but what's the difference between 50 wins and 10 wins, really?"
As part of an accelerated corporate training program referred to by the Royals as "Spring Training", many of the top stars of Indian cricket were trying to adapt to the rules and equipment of American baseball, with varying degrees of success.
"Where are the wickets?," asked veteran cricket batsman Anaad Singh when arriving for the first session. "Why is the bowler standing on that mound of dirt? Why is the boundary so close to where I"m batting from? This is confusing."
Still, despite the initial jitters, Singh and all of his new teammates appear determined to make the best of the situation, for the same reason.
"I make 1,000 rupees a month (roughly $25 US dollars) playing for the Indian national cricket team," Singh said. "With the money the Royals are paying, I can live like a king. Also, I have never heard of a baseball player having his throat sliced open by angry fans after a bad performance."
The newly-christened Dehli Rajahs will play all of their home games in a state-of-the-art stadium built in Delhi's downtown. Reduced costs of employees, along with what the team hopes is curiosity in American baseball, should help pay for the stadium and get the team into a profit situation within six months, which would be a huge turnaround for one of three MLB teams to average less than 20,000 fans a game last season.
"In order to meet our financial goals, we need to average 25,000 people a game," Glass said. "That's roughly one-tenth of one percent of the city's total population, and we think that we can achieve that. Indian people love American sports, and I'm sure that they'll want to come out, eat some Chaat and Pani Puri, and check out their team."
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