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Jul 31, 2008

Manny traded to the Dodgers and no, I'm not being funny this time

In case you haven't heard, the Red Sox actually dealt Manny Ramirez before today's trade deadline, but his destination wasn't Florida, as originally thought. Manny is now a Dodger, which is stunning since the Los Angeles Times reported in today's paper that about as much dealing as the Dodgers expected to do was to try to get Greg Maddux. This is, to put it mildly, much bigger.

First, I didn't think this would happen, period. It seems like Manny's been perpetually almost traded every season, with the media saying something like "unlike last season, when they were able to patch their differences, there's really no going back this time - the relationship is too broken to continue and Red Sox have to trade Manny Ramirez ." And then every year they don't trade him, and everyone goes about their business as he proceeds to get hotter than hell in September and October and mash the ball all over the place.

But I guess the fact that he wasn't coming back next season meant that the Red Sox had all the incentive they needed to make this deal work. And frankly, they made out like bandits. Looking at the numbers for this season, Jason Bay's production is almost equal to Manny at the plate this season. Plus, he's six years younger and locked up through the end of next year at a fraction of what Manny is making. It's a no-brainer.

And for the Pirates? Well, they get prospects. A lot of prospects. But they desperately need depth - the fact that several of the other team's Triple A prospects are going to start right away tells you all you need to know about them.

But what about the Dodgers? What are they getting out of this? Since the Red Sox are paying a bulk of Manny's contract for this season, there isn't a money problem. But, they had to give up Andy LaRoche, who was the No. 1 future option at the sinkhole that has been third base for the Dodgers. (Unless they plan on re-signing Casey Blake, which they may have to after this deal.)

There's no question that they get a premier hitter, even at 36. After all, as ESPN shouts at me seemingly every day, he is ONE OF THE TOP FIVE RIGHT-HANDED HITTERS OF ALL TIME! But they've also added to a position where they already have about 27 options, and made their defense significantly worse no matter what they do.

The logical outfield at this point would be (I guess) Manny in LF, Matt Kemp in CF and Andre Ethier in RF. Which means Andruw Jones and Juan Pierre are riding the pine. Which makes sense from a baseball standpoint, since the only thing more absymal than Pierre's OBP is Jones'...well, everything. But that also means that you lose good defense and speed, and have to play Matt Kemp out of position (he isn't a natural CF). Oh yeah, and you have $17 million in contracts sitting on the bench every night in those two players alone, and you didn't address the really key areas, like starting pitching and shortstop.

And the real bottom line is this: the Dodgers weren't going to win the World Series before this trade, and they really aren't good enough to win it now. It should be enough to put them past the Diamondbacks in the God-awful NL West, but so what? I know "anything can happen" in the post-season, but come on.

I suspect that Dodgers GM was feeling the heat after the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, USA made the bold move of trading Corey Kotchman for Mark Teixiaxairaiaxia even though they have a double-digit lead in the AL West and the best record in baseball. He had to make a blockbuster move in order to get the interest back on the Dodgers, and this sure does that job just fine.

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The Gruesome Collision of Sports and Entertainment: Magnum P.I. Edition

From time to time, athletes make guest appearances on TV shows. This doesn't happen as much anymore, and certainly not as much as the 1980s, when seemingly every kid making a big league roster got at least a guest spot on "Small Wonder" (I think it was in a collective bargaining agreement). Thank God for YouTube, which lets us relive the train wrecks that happen when entertainment and sports collide.

For example, here are the legendary Detroit Tigers double play combination of Alan Trammell and Lou Whitaker doing a guest spot on "Magnum P.I." with a haggard looking Tom Selleck. The spot makes sense, given the character's love to the Tigers. Too bad no one thought to find out of either of these guys could act:



As McLane pointed out, Trammell's necklace kicks all kinds of ass. And Lou Whitaker resembles LenDale White minus about 1,000 Quarter Pounders with Cheese.

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Red Sox trade Manny to Boston, hope he doesn't catch on

BOSTON - The Red Sox, ending weeks of speculation, traded disgruntled star Manny Ramirez to Boston today, hoping that the eccentric slugger wouldn't catch on that it's the same place.

The plan appeared to be working, as Ramirez told a throng of reporters that he was "very happy" to be heading to Boston, and "glad that the Red Sox granted his wish to leave."

"Like I said yesterday, I love the Red Sox fans but the team doesn't deserve me," Ramirez said as he was cleaning out his locker following the trade announcement. "I'm happy that I'm going somewhere like Boston, where they know how to win and treat players right."

Ramirez then asked reporters what the weather was like in Boston, and if he needed to bring a coat before continuing to remove items from his locker, including: a cactus, a Betamax player, a giant vat of mint jelly and his pet iguana Kaz.

Red Sox team officials informed Ramirez of the trade this morning. He had spent the night at the team offices, having had a sleepover with several friends in a make-shift tent made of old jerseys.

"We really had to sell it to him that he had been traded by the Red Sox to Boston," said an anonymous source in the Red Sox front office. "So we told him how difficult it would be to see him in a uniform other than the Red Sox, but that he was going to a team in Boston that was in the middle of a pennant race and that really needed him to play at 100 percent. He seemed excited about the opportunity, although mainly he kept asking me if he could wear my gorilla suit again. I mean...a gorilla suit."

Officials gave Ramirez a plane ticket that would take him from Logan Airport to Manchester, NH, where he would then be driven in a limo back into Boston. The plane will also stop over in Hartford, CT, "just to make it seem like he went far away."

There has been concern that Ramirez might get suspicious upon seeing the Green Monster upon his "arrival" at Fenway Park, and might start putting two and two together. In response, the Red Sox announced that they will be painting the wall slightly blue-green, and if that fails, telling Ramirez that he's just imagining things.

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