WASHINGTON, DC - Former George Michael Sports Machine host George Michael was said by family to be "resting comfortably" today after being found disorientedly pushing the buttons of random DC-area ATMs while waiting for sports highlights.
"The poor guy, he just kept saying 'Let's go to Orchard Park, where Jim Kelly and the Bills took down the hapless Colts 31-13' and then pushing a button, over and over again," said eyewitness Bill Swearingan. "After nothing would happen, he'd pause for a few minutes, give you a confused and helpless look, and then start right up talking about how it's 'time to see how the Cardinals used two Jack Clark home runs to take out the Expos."
Michael has been reported to be "quite unstable" since the cancellation of the George Michael Sports Machine last year. In October 2007 he was arrested and briefly charged with assaulting a midget dressed as R2-D2 at a Halloween party after he continually pushed his hand against the groin area of the man's costume and demanded to "see more Oilers highlights." Since those charges were dropped, Michael reportedly has spent most of his time as a recluse inside his mullti-million dollar estate in Silver Springs, Md, editing endless "Plays of the Month" montages for no one in particular.
"It's just sad, really," said one anonymous source who has seen several of the "compilations". "He'll stand in front of the screen and say 'Check out the NASCAR Crash of the Month - Darrell Waltrip at Daytona, I can't believe he walked away', but what's playing is some clip from an episode of Facts of Life. Then he'll introduce the Diving Catch of the Month, and it's the same clip."
The source said that the cancellation of the show was difficult for Michael, but the loss of his beloved Sports Machine was what drove him over the edge.
"That machine was the only thing in his life that didn't disappoint him," the source said. "No matter what, when he needed a sports highlight, he just had to push that big red button, and out it would come. You can't take that away from someone and expect them to go on with their lives. It's sad."
Michael's case is not an isolated incident, said Prof. Ryan Gerlost, lead researcher at the Center for Study of Sports Television Personalities at Columbia University.
"When sports TV personalities have a certain prop and it's taken away from them, the results can be devestating," Gerlost said. "At least in this case no one was hurt, unlike the Fratello Incident."
Gerlost was referring to the breakdown of TNT analyst Mike Fratello's Telestrator during a Heat vs. Wizards playoff game. Four people were hurt, two seriously, in the chaos that followed.
