Bush gives up golf to support troops; Singh taken to Guantanamo Bay as possible terrorist sympathizer

WASHINGTON, DC - Coming days after President Bush declared that he had given up golf to show his solidarity with US troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, champion golfer Vijay Singh was arrested for "suspicion of supporting terrorists" and reportedly shipped to the government's Guantanamo Bay detention facility.

Singh was seen being led away from the driving range at the TPC Sawgrass course near Atlanta by several men in dark suits and into a white, unmarked van. PGA Tour officials would not comment on Singh's disappearance, but Singh's Web page on the PGATour.com Web site has been ominously marked "DNP" for the rest of the season.

White House spokesperson Dana Perino would not confirm or deny reports of Singh's detention at the notorious US military base located in Cuba, citing "national security interests."

"All I can say is that when we are at war, anyone living in the United States should follow the lead of the President," Perino said. "Clearly, if someone were to continue to do something that the President, in his infinite wisdom, has personally decided to not do out of respect for the troops, then I would think there would be reason to question if they are providing comfort and perhaps aid, to terrorists."

This would be especially true, Perino said, if said person were dark-skinned, and from a far-away country such as Fiji that may or may not have a significant Muslim population.

"I don't know much about Fiji, but I know that it's in the Pacific Ocean, and so was Bali and we all know what kinds of terrorist activities they have there," Perino said.

Tiger Woods released a statement through Nike in response to Singh's disappearance and possible detention. In the statement, he expressed sympathy for Singh's family but said he did not want to speculate on Singh's possible ties to terrorism. He also said that his recent knee surgery was not healing as well as previously hoped for, and that he might not be able to play golf "until some point on or after January 20, 2009 at the earliest."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:43 PM 0 comments  

Uecker Stalker Redeemed

Ignore what is I'm sure an intense game of ping-pong taking place center stage in the photo. Ping pong is for suckers. Why play ping pong when you can play beer pong?

Instead, feast your eyes on the tall drink of awesome on the right side of the picture sporting the super tight trunks and silvery tuft of chest hair. It's the one and only Bob Uecker.

If this picture doesn't put a stirring in the loins of the ladies of retirement communities nationwide, I don't know what will.

Also, I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

yes, Uecker had a crazy stalker. Pic from this week's Sports Illustrated.

Posted by McLane at 2:12 PM 1 comments  

Why the Javelin Catch is not an Olympic sport

I used to cover high school track & field, and my No. 1 goal at any meet was to not get hit by a javelin, discus, shot put, or anything thrown during a field event. (My No. 2 goal was usually trying to find a cool, shady area to sleep off my hangover.) Despite my general cluelessness and propensity for accidents, keeping my own personal safety top of mind help me avoid any problems.

I guess this guy needs to reevaluate his priorities: a photographer for the Standard-Examiner based out of Ogden, UT was struck in the leg by a javelin thrown during the Utah state high school track and field championships. The injury was described as superficial...

"...lifting the skin on the front side of McGeeney's leg without hitting the bone just below the knee.

Wilkey said McGeeney never lost consciousness and was laughing with medical personnel while he was being taken care of. The javelin was cut off, leaving the tip inside the leg so medical personnel could transport McGeeney in the ambulance."

First, any injury that involves leaving the tip of a javelin inside any part of my body is not "superficial," no matter how life-threatening it is. And if that was me, I wouldn't be "laughing" with the medical personnel. "Crying and screaming that I have a javelin in my leg" would be a better way to describe it.

The big unanswered question that I have: did they count the kid's throw from where it hit the photographer, or the photographer fell after he was struck? Because if it's the latter, the least the guy could have done was limp to record territory before collapsing...

(Original link credit to Deadspin)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 12:18 PM 1 comments  

Peralta admits he is tanking this season just to screw over your Fantasy team

CLEVELAND - Indians shortstop Jhonny Peralta admitted to reporters yesterday that he is purposefully under performing at the plate this season in an attempt to ruin your fantasy baseball team.

"Of course, this off-season my goal was to get myself in shape and ready to have the best season I possibly could," Peralta said after a 1-for-2 performance against the Reds that "lifted" his average to .225. "But then I thought to myself 'I bet that a-hole built his whole draft strategy on getting me as a 'steal' in the fourth round. Wouldn't it be a riot if I tanked this season just to screw him over?' So that's what I did."

Peralta also admitted that his brief spurts of hitting during the course of the season have been done just to get your hopes up and keep you from trading him.

"By showing flashes of brilliance, I'm able to keep (you) thinking that I'm going to be pulling out of this slump now and returning to last year's form, said Peralta, referring to his .271 average with 21 home runs last season. "And just when (you) put me back into the line-up, BAM! I come back with another 1-for-18 streak."

Peralta also noted that he has purposefully focused on hitting home runs with the bases empty just to get you more irritated with him for having a decent 8 home runs but an implausible 15 RBI.

If you are unhappy with him, Peralta suggested that you trade him for Brewers slugger Prince Fielder, who is "sure to be coming out of his slump any day now," Peralta said. "I just talked with him the other day, and (you) should expect big, big things out of him in the second half of the season."

Peralta then proceeded to giggle for the next few minutes before shooing reporters from his locker.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 12:02 PM 0 comments