PHILADELPHIA - Moments after their World Series-clinching Game 5 victory over the Tampa Bay Rays, Philadelphia Phillies fans quickly turned from joyous to angry, viciously booing and heckling the Commissioner's Trophy given to the series winner for being "totally gay" and "fucking retarded."
"Nice fucking flags, you piece of shit trophy," screamed Jimmy Gionolli from his seats in the right field bleachers soon after the Commissioner's Trophy was awarded to the Phillies. "Might as well make those rainbow flags on there, you faggot trophy!"
Fans who had been exalting in the city's first professional sports title in 25 years just minutes ago quickly turned their anger to the trophy. Matt Spaniacho, a 35-year-old electrician, took time from leading his section in chants of "Fuck Yourself, Trophy!" to explain his actions.
"I mean, I remember when the 76ers won the NBA title back in '83 - now that was a fucking trophy," he said. "This thing...I mean, just look at this fucking thing. You can't even drink a God damned beer out of it."
Phillies fans' reactions reflect the city's personality, said Temple University clinical pschyology professor Alfred Deacon.
"It's a cliche, but it's true - Philadelphia fans literally don't know how to deal with success," Deacon said. "Much like an abused animal, they have been so used to negativitity that when presented with something positive, they lash out."
Deacon then proceded to overturn a couch in his office and set it on fire while screaming "Fuck yeah, Phillies motherfuckers!"
