CLEVELAND - Indians shortstop Jhonny Peralta admitted to reporters yesterday that he is purposefully under performing at the plate this season in an attempt to ruin your fantasy baseball team.
"Of course, this off-season my goal was to get myself in shape and ready to have the best season I possibly could," Peralta said after a 1-for-2 performance against the Reds that "lifted" his average to .225. "But then I thought to myself 'I bet that a-hole built his whole draft strategy on getting me as a 'steal' in the fourth round. Wouldn't it be a riot if I tanked this season just to screw him over?' So that's what I did."
Peralta also admitted that his brief spurts of hitting during the course of the season have been done just to get your hopes up and keep you from trading him.
"By showing flashes of brilliance, I'm able to keep (you) thinking that I'm going to be pulling out of this slump now and returning to last year's form, said Peralta, referring to his .271 average with 21 home runs last season. "And just when (you) put me back into the line-up, BAM! I come back with another 1-for-18 streak."
Peralta also noted that he has purposefully focused on hitting home runs with the bases empty just to get you more irritated with him for having a decent 8 home runs but an implausible 15 RBI.
If you are unhappy with him, Peralta suggested that you trade him for Brewers slugger Prince Fielder, who is "sure to be coming out of his slump any day now," Peralta said. "I just talked with him the other day, and (you) should expect big, big things out of him in the second half of the season."
Peralta then proceeded to giggle for the next few minutes before shooing reporters from his locker.
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