I am great at making sports betting picks. My only problem is that I have no money, and therefore can't place bets myself. Plus, betting is illegal! But, that doesn't mean you can't prosper on my lack of extra spending money. I've decided to make five picks every week on various college and NFL games. My good friend from Dee-Nee.com, fknmclane, is also going to be making five picks a week. We'll keep a running tally and see how does better at the end of the year. Winner gets...something. I'm not really sure what yet. Maybe the loser has to go to the winner's house and make him a home-cooked breakfast with lots of bacon.
Anyway, here's my picks for this week's Handicapabling Challenge (because it's not handicapping - that's offense to the cripples):
Boston College @ Virginia Tech (-3): Virginia Tech's offense stinks, especially trying to throw the football, which means they've pretty much had to lean on their running game. But that plays right into the strength of the Eagles' defense. And I don't expect either Sean Glennon or Tyrod Taylor to single-handedly win any games. But my issue with picking Boston College is this: they've played creampuffs the last month (Army, U Mass, Bowling Green and Notre Dame). I'm not sure how they are going to react to real defensive players who actually hit and give you owies. And I'm really unsure about Boston College's wide receivers (who for all intents and purposes haven't existed this season) against the Hokies' secondary.
I say Matt Ryan get hurried and flustered, throws three picks, including one for a TD. Goodbye national title, and goodbye Heisman. I feel so good about this pick that I'm making it my 10 Star ACC Lock of the Year!
The Duke of Kickball's pick: Virginia Tech (-3)
USC @ Oregon (-3): This is a line that has no correlation to how Vegas thinks the game should turn out. This line is so close just because if USC was as big of a dog as they should be, dopey bettors would place a ton of money on them BECAUSE THEY ARE USC, and Vegas doesn't want that - they want a 50/50 split of bets to ensure they make money. If this was Team A @ Team B, with the same records but without knowing who was who, Oregon would be favored by at least a touchdown. And they should be: anyone who has watched USC in Pete Carroll's tenure knows that his defenses cannot (Vince Young) handle (Vince Young) mobile QBs (Vince Young). Even in games they've won, it's been nothing but headaches.
For the first time in a long time, USC's defense is going to be facing an offense that is just as fast as them if not faster. In order to keep it close, USC is going to need to score a lot of points - at least in the 30s. As much as my Cardinal & Gold heart hates to admit it, I don't have a lot of faith in either John David Booty or Mark Sanchez getting the team there.
The Duke of Kickball's pick: Oregon (-2.5)
Arizona @ Washington (-3.5): The underdog is 9-0 against the spread in the last nine games, and the road team is 9-1 in the last 10 overall. That's enough for me, when you combine it with the fact that a) Jake Locker is overhyped and all potential - maybe he'll be amazing in two years, but as of right now he's a flash of greatness and a lot of bad decisions and b) it's time for Ty Willingham to remind everyone of just why he's no longer Notre Dame coach (other than, you know, being black).
The Duke of Kickball's pick: Arizona (+3.5)
Green Bay @ Denver (-3): Remember when there arguably was no better home field advantage than Denver? When opponents basically freaked out about playing at Mile High Stadium so much that they were dead before opening kick-off? Well, I guess moving from Mile High to the shiny new Invesco Honeywell Whatever the Fuck It's Called Stadium didn't work out so well, because Denver is suddenly ass at home. They are 1-3 at home against the spread this season, and 1-9 at home ATS going back to last season.
Call it the Curse of Mile High, or just the rest of the league figuring Mike Shanahan out. Either way, look for Bret Favre to survive 18 interceptions and lead his team to a "gutty" 13-12 victory.
The Duke of Kickball's pick: Green Bay (+3)
New York Giants (-9.5) vs. Miami (game played in London): Wait, this game involves the Giants, yet they decide to make a massive robotic version of a Dolphins player? Jeremy Shockey is going to be so pissed. And by "pissed" I mean in the classic British slang way, i.e. drunk off his ass with a bunch of his new "hooligan" friends the night before the game.
My prediction? The all-new New York Giants Firm (led by Elijah Wood), inspired by Shockey, brawls with the giant Jason Taylor robot before the game. The Dolphins take the opportunity the chaos provides to attempt to replace Cleo Lemon with Dan Marino. However, the Giants will counter by bringing in Diet Pepsi Machine (cut by the Patriots to make cap room for Randy Moss), who scores six touchdowns while Shockey is off stomping someone's head.
The Duke of Kickball's pick: New York (-9.5)
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