Inspired by Barefoot Coach, Majerus to Coach Pantsless

ST. LOUIS – Inspired by IUPUI men’s basketball head coach Ron Hunter’s pledge to coach his team’s next game barefoot to raise awareness for a charity, University of St. Louis head coach Rick Majerus pledged today to coach the Billikens’ upcoming game Saturday against La Salle naked from the waist down.

“I heard about Coach Hunter, and thought what the heck, why not try to do him one better,” Majerus said. “I mean, the worst part of coaching is having to wear pants, so this is a perfect chance to avoid that all together.”

During a press conference on Majerus’ plans, the coach was asked which charity he was raising awareness for with his stunt, a question which confused the rotund coach.

“Charity? I don’t know what you mean,” Majerus said. “I thought that Coach Hunter just didn’t like wearing shoes. Well, there has to be some sort of charity that donates pants to needy Africans, right? If not, there should be."

A representative of the University of St. Louis said that the Catholic institution had no comment on Majerus’ plans, although they would rather that Majerus go back to commenting on abortion.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:43 PM 2 comments  

Coaching Barefoot: A Noble, Honorable, Gross Idea

IUPUI (it stands for Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis - don't ask me, I don't live in Indiana) head men's basketball coach Ron Hunter will be coaching barefoot on Thursday in his team's game against Oakland University. The stunt is a way to raise awareness for Samaritan's Feet, a charity started by Nigerian native Emmanuel "Manny" Ohonme, who eventually came to the US to play college basketball (no doubt recruited by Kevin Bacon). The goal is to send 40,000 pairs of shoes to Africa in honor of the 40th anniversary of the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Helping put shoes on the feet of needy men, women and children in Africa is a great cause. Hunter has personally received more than 30,000 pairs of shoes already. What he is doing is a great and noble thing.

It is also, unquestionably, unbelievably gross and unhygienic. I'm far from a neat freak, but you couldn't pay me enough money to walk barefoot on a gym floor for several hours. The sheer number of variety of fungi and other infectious diseases lurking on any gym floor boggles the mind. It's a Tinactin commercial waiting to happen. Perhaps he should take a lesson from Howard Hughes and skip the shoes but wear Kleenex boxes on his feet.

I'd like to say that it would be neat if other, more established coaches follow his lead. But let's be honest - Bobby Knight's bare feet probably resemble something from a Lord of the Rings monster, and I don't think we need the dozens of ESPN close-ups IN HD that we would probably be treated with during that broadcast.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:45 PM 3 comments