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Aug 28, 2008

MLB to require all players to speak English; league to contract to 8 teams

NEW YORK - Following the lead of the LPGA, Major League Baseball announced today that all players must speak English by the start of the 2009 season or be banned from playing. In a related story, it was also announced that due to an expected lack of eligible players, the league would be contracting to eight teams for the 2009 season.

"It's really hampered us that some of our star athletes can't fully participate in marketing baseball here in the U.S. because they don't speak English," said Commissioner Bud Selig at a press conference. "This move addresses that fact. Unfortunately, the only way to address that fact was to eliminate 75 percent of our workforce."

To ensure a high level of play, the Commissioner's Office decided to contract teams rather than calling up the remaining American minor leaguers, lumping together teams from similar geographic regions. Joe Torre, manager of the soon-to-be-called San Angeles Padgers of Anaheim, expressed concern over the plan.

"It doesn't seem fair to be that a kid should have his livelihood taken away just because he can't speak English," Torre said. "I mean, look at Manny Ramirez - just because he grew up in the Dominican and only speaks Spanish, that doesn't mean the fans shouldn't get to see him play."

Torre refused to believe reporters who informed him that Ramirez in fact speaks English and grew up in New York.

Current and former players had differing reactions to the decision. Former Braves closer John Rocker applauded the decision. Meanwhile, Oaklansico Marin-A's star Ichiro Suzuki immediately fired his interpreter, and went on a lengthy tour of radio and TV shows, speaking in eloquent English about ihs feelings on the matter.

Selig said he has hired bilingual lip readers to work with replay officials in New York, and they have permission to indefinitely suspend anyone suspected of speaking a foreign language in the dugout or during a meeting on the mound.

Posted by The Duke of Everything

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