Somebody get Leonard Nimoy on the case, because this is spooky.
Take a quick look at this list, focusing only on the couples featured. A frightening pattern develops.
Quite a few have had what can be described as, depending on your definition, issues. Let's have a look at a few to see where they were and how the mighty have fallen:
Shaun Alexander
Before: 2005 MVP, endearing gap teeth, Madden cover boy, on top of the world
After: Annoying gap teeth, cut by the Seahawks in 2008 after becoming known more for falling down into boatloads of money after first contact than for rushing and touchdown totals
Roger Clemens
Before: arguably the greatest right-handed pitcher ever, super gazillionaire, appearance in Kingpin, confident enough at 40 to rock the frosted tips
After: steroids and HGH abuser/cheater, porker of 15 year old country stars, weasly enough to blame HGH purchases on his wife, all-around douchebag
Chuck Finley
Before: tall, dark and handsome left-handed pitcher with good stuff and a music video vixen on his arm, a match made in heaven
After: tall, dark and handsome left-handed pitcher with subpar stuff and a stilletto-shaped hole in his forehead inflicted by coked-up former music video vixen, a match made in hell
Allan Houston
Before: the toast of New York after helping to lead the Knicks to the '99 NBA Finals, deadly long-range shooter, signer of ridiculous contract
After: currently out of the league due to health issues, role in Black and White, name given to ridiculous NBA Collective Bargain Agreement Rule
Richard Jefferson
Before: high-flying forward teamed up with Jason Kidd on a Nets team consistently contending for the NBA's Eastern Conference title
After: Kidd-less, locked in long-term with Vince Carter, crazy looking ears, choker of Minnesota birthday boys
Speaking of which....
Jason Kidd
Before: proud purchaser of amazingly round, fake breasts for his wife, possessor of an unmatched all-around game, Olympian, consecutive appearances in the NBA Finals, on top of the world
After: messy divorce from globe-wearing wife, still an incredibly poor outside shooter, scapegoat in Dallas after forcing a trade to his original team
Mark McGwire
Before: renowned home run hitter, super duper nice guy
After: disgraced home run hitter, hater of discussions of the past
Bill Romonowski
Before: respected, football tough guy, winner, great teammate, "not on steroids!"
After: breaker of teammates' orbital bones, 'roid monkey, spitter, distributor of lots and lots and lots of pills
Alex Rodriguez
Before: going down as best player in baseball history, playing under largest contract in professional sports history, example of a "pure" baseball player to be held up as an example of a non-steroid using superstar
After: easy target, hated by nearly one and all, blamed for all that is wrong with the Yankees, affinity for manly women, possibly injected steroids with Jose Canseco while ogling his wife.
Honorable Mentions: What's left of Tom Gugliotta's knees, Annika Sorenstam's uncured face, Glen Rice's love of beating men in his wife's closet, Joe Montana's hatred of auctions.
The moral of the story: don't ever, ever, EVER agree to pose with your wife for a SI Swimsuit issue. If you are a star athlete and you have a hot wife who you think might even be remotely interested in posing for an SI Swimsuit issue, either ask her to wear a burka, or just divorce her immediately.
5 comments:
a-rod looks like he is scared to touch his wife. fkn homo!
hgh did the rocket's wife very well. she's no 15 year old though.
jefferson's girl has some great side boob going!
SI Jinx is everywhere! Insane
In Jason Kidd's defense, a messy divorce is pretty much the reward that every man gets for buying his wife implants. Confusingly, it's usually so she can start hanging out with guys like Jason Kidd....
Gyges and Candaules
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candaules
Nice work, fknmclane - this post was the lead item in SI.com's Hot Clicks today.
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