What Not to Watch: 11/15/07

Keeping you informed of the worst sports viewing choices possible (all times Pacific):

• NBA Vault (NBATV, 5:30 p.m.) - Highlights of old basketball games? Probably not watching that. But if it was, say, Yao Ming on a gymnastics vault attempted to land a Double twisting Yurchenko? That I'd pay to watch.
• College Basketball, Stanford @ Northwestern (Big 10 Network, 6 p.m.) - It's like if the kids from Pacific Tech faced off against The Lambda Lambda Lambdas on the hardwood. Except probably with less randy hijinx.
• Summit's High Places (6:30 p.m., Outdoor Channel) - Sadly, this show does not revolve around is the Tennessee women's basketball coach reminiscing about that time she ripped a massive bong load with Nancy Lieberman and Ann Meyers-Drysdale out in back of the Women's Basketball Hall of Fame.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 3:06 PM 0 comments  

What Not to Watch: 11/9/07

Helping you make informed decisions about what to miss while you go see the Original Platters play at the Mosegi Palace Hotel and Casino, or whatever old band is playing at your local Indian casino. (All times Pacific.)

• Bowling Green @ Eastern Michigan (ESPNU, 4:30 p.m.): We are the Bowling Green Preservation Society. God save Tim Conway, Nate Thurmond and Orel...
• Peglegs of Stuyvesant High (CSTV, 7:30 p.m.): I didn't even know that Ron Santo had moved to New York.
• The Wandering Golfer (Fine Living, 8 p.m.): I would imagine that needing room for your Callaways and caddy make it tough to hitchhike.
• Big Ten Friday Night Tailgate (Big 10 Network, 8 p.m.): Remember, only on the Big Ten Network can you watch an hour of frat boys drinking 12 packs of Old Milwaukee, setting fire to couches and then trying to douse the flames with the urine. THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON IF YOUR CABLE COMPANY DOESN'T OFFER THE BIG TEN NETWORK!!! (Unless you are a Penn State fan, then you are probably too busy throwing beer cans at other team's fans from point blank range and acting like a total tool. Stay classy, guys...)
  

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:28 PM 0 comments  

What Not to Watch: 10/31

Because hiding razor blades in candy apples requires too much concentration to try to do while watch bad sports programming on TV.(All time Pacific.)

• College Basketball Exhibition: Quincy @ Illinois (6 p.m., Big Ten Network) - Tonight on Quincy: was it an "accidental" car crash, or was it something more sinister? Quincy gets to the bottom of things by hanging out on his houseboat and checking out hot girls in bikinis for skin cancer while Sam gets stuck doing the real work.
• 19th Hole (Golf Channel, 6:30 p.m.) - A half-hour of John Daly getting drunk, eating beer peanuts and playing the Tri Towers game at the Touchmaster 3000 machine at the end of the bar.
• Best Damned Sports Show Period: Halloween Special (FSN, 8 p.m.) - Watch as John Salley sets a bag of flaming dog poop on the doorstep of former host Tom Arnold. Hilarity ensues!
• Classic Bull Riding: 2005 PRCA Extreme Bulls (ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.) - These are regular bulls, these are EXTREME!!! Remember, this is 2005, before they started testing bulls for Vault Energy Drink.
• NBA Developmental League Pre-Draft Show (NBATV, 9 p.m.) - I know there's been a lot of debate on who the Colorado 14ers will select first: Trey Johnson or Curtis Sumpter. Actually, even Mel Kiper Jr. thinks a pre-draft show for what is essentially the NBA's minor league is a crock of crap.
  

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:12 PM 0 comments  

What Not to Watch: 10/25/07

Keeping you informed of the sports viewing choices you shouldn't make tonight (all times Pacific, because that's where I live - suck it, Eastern Time Zone!):

Greatest High School Football Rivalries (Versus, 5 p.m.) - If Taft vs. Bakersfield isn't No. 1, Kirk Russell is going to be pissed

MLS Playoffs: DC United at Chicago Fire (ESPN2, 5:30 p.m.) - I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is going to draw low ratings in Southern California.

Nothin' But Knockouts (FSN, 6:30 p.m.) - Me, I prefer Nothin' But Majority Decisions, but I guess I can see the appeal of this, too...

NHL Hockey: Phoenix Coyotes @ Anaheim Ducks (Fox Sports Prime Ticket, 7 p.m.) - Coyotes vs. Ducks? It's like some crazy, mixed up Warner Bros. cartoon. What's next, Bugs Bunny trying to eat Tweety Bird? It's unnatural, and against the rules of God and man.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:09 PM 0 comments