Comedic Value of Mike Tyson in South Africa Puts Blog Writer in a Coma

LOS ANGELES – Blogger Richard Manfredi, a New York Times noted expert on sports and humor, was found in his apartment yesterday in an apparently paralytic state after trying to comprehend the comedic possibilities of Mike Tyson’s recent trip to South Africa.

Manfredi had sent the original story to Mark “fkn” McLane, a co-writer on the blog Your Face is a Sports Blog, at roughly 2 p.m. with the message “OMG OMG OMG!” Manfredi did not respond to multiple responses from McLane, who eventually called Los Angeles police, who broke down Manfredi’s apartment door and found the writer sitting, frozen at his computer desk, with the screen still on the Tyson story.

The story involved Jacob Zuma, the leader of South Africa’s ruling African National Congress, bowing to public pressure and not attending a charity banquet for Tyson as planned. Like Tyson, Zuma has been subject to allegations of sexual assault. In 2006, Zuma was acquitted of rape charges stemming from sex with a family friend that Zuma said was consensual. Zuma admitted to having sex with the woman without a condom, despite knowing that she was HIV-positive, but he took a shower afterwards to “cut the risk of contracting HIV.” During the trial, Zuma also said that he interpreted the fact that his accuser had been wearing a skirt as a sign of inviting his sexual advances.

Manfredi was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. At an early morning press conference, doctors said that Manfredi was "stable, although still essentially catatonic."

“We think that, after seeing the story, Mr. Manfredi’s brain had trouble processing all of the different comedic possibilities, while balancing the fact that trying to make light of any story involving sexual abuse and HIV is a tricky task at best,” said Dr. Winfield Jones, a neurosurgeon heading up Manfredi’s treatment team. “At some point, he believe that too many neurons were firing at the same time, and that he essentially overloaded the part of cortex that deals with humor. In short, he fried his brain.”

McLane speculated that reading that Tyson was good friends with Winnie Mandela, the ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela and someone with a checkered past of her own, might have been the final straw.

“I understand that as he was being rushed to the hospital in the ambulance, paramedics reported him muttering ‘Winnie Mandela is the next Robin Givens’ over and over,” McLane said. “The poor bastard never had a chance.”

Doctors are taking a “wait and see” approach to Manfredi’s recovery. He is currently being kept in a sound-proof isolation chamber in an attempt to minimize any stress placed on his fragile psyche.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:47 AM