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Nov 5, 2007

US Soccer Team Inexplicably No. 5 in Latest BCS Rankings

Underscoring the perplexing nature of this college football season, the US Men's National Soccer Team was somehow ranked fifth in this week's BCS poll. Despite having a 0-0 overall record, and consisting of professional soccer players - most of whom have never seen a college football game - the US Soccer team has a chance to play for the BCS championship game if things break their way.

"I know it might seem odd for the outsider, but if you understood the math behind it, you'd see that the BCS rankings give the fairest representation of the best teams in the country," said BCS commissioner Mike Slive. "If the computers say that the US Soccer Team is fifth, then they must be fifth."

Critics of the BCS have put the blame on the decision before the start of this season to add American-based teams in the FIFA World Soccer rankings as an equal component of the BCS, a move officials said would help expand the marketing of college football overseas. While the US National Soccer Team does not show up on any human poll and ranks 120th out of 119 teams in every other computer poll, it's standings in the FIFA rankings have boosted it into the Top 5.

"This is the damnedest thing I've seen in all my years tracking the BCS," said computer rankings guru Jerry Palm. "Although it would still be a longshot, the fact that the US National Soccer team does not play before the end of the season could be a benefit. They'll need some teams to lose, but it could happen."

US Soccer Team captain Landon Donovan said despite his only experience with American football was being taunted and beaten by players in high school, he and the rest of his teammates would be thrilled to play for a BCS Title.

"My teammates and I have been working on our formations all week just in case," he said. "We've been working on our shuffle passes, our nickel, dime and quarter defenses, and especially our scrums - we think that's going to be the key. That, and our experience in performing well in big games and rising to the situation when the pressure is on."

Ranked ahead of the US Soccer Team in the BCS rankings are Ohio State, LSU, the 1955 Oklahoma team and the cast of CBS-TV's "How I Met Your Mother".

Despite the controversy, Slive said there were obvious signs that the system worked.

"Hey, I think we can all agree that the US Soccer Team is more deserving than Notre Dame," he said.

Posted by The Duke of Everything

BallHype: hype it up!

4 comments:

McLane said...

Playing soccer and being named "Landon Donovan" was surely a recipe for broken broomsticks in the anus.

sam said...

Hey man, not implying anything, but this is suspiciously similar to an article I wrote almost a month ago poking fun at the BCS.

Maybe we just have the same sense of humor...

http://www.thepostgame.com/first-bcs-standings-are-out-cue-up-the-controversy/

The Duke of Everything said...

Sam, I just read your story (I hadn't read it before). Good stuff. My story was also trying to make some sort of comment on how vastly overrated the US Soccer team was before the last World Cup in terms of the Official FIFA rankings (remember us being the No. 5 ranked team in the world?) Maybe that point didn't come through as clear as I would have liked...

sam said...

Hey, I figured it was something like that but I'll claim extreme ignorance with anything involving soccer.

Your blog is pretty funny, I liked the "Belichick running up the scrabble score" article.