Tito Will NOT Be Denied Tentacle Play

Apparently Major League Baseball tried to pull a fast one on the Red Sox organization this week. Something about coaches and trainers not getting paid some extra dough for flying over the Pacific to play the A's in Japan.

Being the stand-up, do-gooders they are, the Red Sox threatened to simply not get on the plane unless Bud Selig got his checkbook out and took care of the staff. As of now, all is well.

Why these guys are getting an additional $40k on top of the dough they already get paid, I have no idea. The good news is they're now being "fairly" compensated for simply doing their jobs and will have the opportunity to really drink in all Japan has to offer.

$40,000 is a lot of bukakke.

Posted by McLane at 12:16 PM 1 comments  

Counterpoint: An Open Letter to ASU Basketball Fans

Dear ASU Fan,

I'm guessing you're still in shock. Yeah, I know some of you might have seen this coming, but I also personally know that a lot of you didn't. Either way, I know that it doesn't feel any better the day after to be left out of the NCAA Tournament than it did right after the announcements were made yesterday afternoon. If anything, the shock is starting to wear off, and the pain is starting to get more real.

And I want to sympathize. I honestly do. As a fan of a PAC-10 team, I want to see our conference get as much recognition as possible. I'll always root for a PAC-10 team versus any other team (provided that PAC-10 team isn't UCLA - I pretty much hope every day that their team, to quote a Kids in the Hall sketch, dies in a warehouse fire). It would have been great to see seven teams from the conference make the tournament.

But here's the thing...it was never, ever going to happen. Seven teams out of a 10-team conference was just absurd, a pipe dream. And if one team was going to be left out, it was always going to be you.

Of course, the No. 1 problem is here: take a look at the end-of-season RPI numbers and try to find Arizona St. You'll have to scroll down a bit, since they are way down at No. 83, directly behind teams that had no chance of getting an at-large bid like San Diego St. and Ohio. And why is that number so low? Because you played a lousy, terrible non-conference schedule, leading to you having the No. 77-ranked Strength of Schedule in the country. Versus Arizona and Oregon (the other two PAC-1o "bubble" teams that got in), which had RPIs of 38 and 58, and SOSs of 2 and 37, respectively.

"But Duke, why should it matter if you play a tougher schedule if you don't win the games?" I've heard this a lot the past 24 hours from ASU fans (all three that I know). But, if we're being honest - yeah, it does matter who you play, even if you lose. Because if you scheduled patsies instead of difficult games, that would be one or two extra wins on your record. Suddenly, Oregon and Arizona both look a lot more like tournament teams according to their records. By the way, here are each team's records against the Top 100 in RPI:

Arizona: 10-12
Arizona St.: 7-10
Oregon: 8-11

Not that I'm thrilled with any of those records, but Arizona St. had the worst record of the three teams. And that's something you can control.

But the bigger picture issue that most ASU fans don't want to deal with is that they weren't being judged against Arizona, or Oregon. They were being judged against all Division I teams. Whether they beat Arizona twice wasn't as important as where both team's resumes fit into the grand scheme of all Division I teams. And if you let the Sun Devils in the field, how are you going to tell the afore-mentioned San Diego St. and Ohio, not to mention the host of teams ahead of Arizona St. in the RPI, that they don't deserve to go?

And let's not bring up "Hey, we beat Xavier!" One win against a quality team does not an NCAA tournament resume make. Hell, how about Stephen F. Austin, then? They beat Oklahoma on the road, and finished 22-5. Charlotte went 5-5 against the RPI Top 50, and no one is bitching about them not making it.

The bottom line is: if you think Arizona St. was the last team out, that means that they would have (in theory) been in with one more win. And there were plenty of chances to get it. Blown call or not, Arizona St. had USC on the ropes in the PAC-1o tournament and then basically stopped scoring for the final 10 minutes of the game. They lost to a lousy Illinois team by 23 and a not-very-good Nebraska team by 15. Win one of those two games you should have won, and we're not having this discussion.

And oh yeah, going 5-10 in your last 15 games isn't really a great way to convince anyone that you are tournament-worthy. Not that it would have mattered much: as Pat Forde pointed out on ESPN.com, it's been seven years since a team with an RPI lower than No. 70 has won an NCAA tournament game. So, you probably just saved yourself a drubbing in the 6-11 game. Enjoy the NIT and a couple of extra home games, and don't worry about what the big boys are doing - it doesn't concern you.

Best,
The Duke of Kickball

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 3:55 PM 2 comments  

David Boston definitely not flying to New Zealand to buy party pills

TAMPA BAY, FL - Former Pro Bowl wide receiver David Boston said on Friday that his last-minute trip to New Zealand "absolutely, 100 percent no way" had anything to do with the country's upcoming ban on so-called legal "party pills" that have similar side effects to uppers, ecstasy and other recreational drugs that are currently illegal in the US.

Boston, who has had a checkered past with both performance-enhancing and recreational drug use during his playing career, told reporters that his trip was purely sightseeing in nature.

"I mean, I read that story on the Web the other day, but that had nothing to do with this trip," Boston said. "It just reminded me how much I've always wanted to go to New Zealand, so I decided to buy a plane ticket that night for this weekend."

When asked why he booked the trip so soon, Boston replied that he wanted to go now "while the political situation appears to be OK. Man, you never know when things can get crazy in those African countries!"

Boston said that his wife and two children would not be joining him for the trip, in part because he was only going to be in New Zealand less than 24 hours, and in part because he heard that the country was filled with "orcs, Hobbits, giant talking trees and other things that would probably scare the living shit out of my family. But I'm willing to risk it so that I can...umm...see the sights of New Zealand."

Boston stopped the interview with reporters short, saying that he needed to go home and prepare for the trip by "finding out where the pharmacies are in New Zealand" and "deciding which suitcases have the most hidden compartments."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:32 AM 1 comments  

Brian Roberts, 100 Percent All-Natural Guy

See, Brian Roberts really did just use steroids that one time, but he learned his lesson and isn't going to ever, ever do it again. I mean, the guy is eating nothing but organic foods. He can't be a steroid cheat, right? Right?!?

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:40 PM 0 comments  

Something like a Civil War

It was a pretty tense day here at Your Face is a Sports Blog - Arizona St. was playing USC in the Pac-10 Tournament. The Fightin' McLanes were looking to get off the NCAA tournament bubble with a win, while USC was looking to jump up a seed or more in the NCAA tournament with a strong run in the Pac-10 tourney.

It was a close game all the way. I missed the first half (thanks for starting the game involving the local team at noon, Pac-10!), but snuck out to McDonald's and watched the second half there (how I wish this wasn't true).

Here's what everyone is going to talk about after the game - this play and foul call on Arizona St.'s Jeff Pendergraft within the final 30 seconds and the Sun Devils trailing by two:



First, let me state for the record: that was a terrible call. Pendergraft simply outjumped Davon Jefferson and made a great play. I'd be ticked if it happened to USC, too. And certainly the pressure is on Pac-10 officials since their twin fuck-ups in UCLA's games over the weekend.

But here's the thing: Arizona St. finished the game missing their final 10 shots from the field. They didn't make a field goal in the final nine and a half minutes of the game. In short, the Sun Devils, with their season possibly on the line, completely fell apart. It's hard to make a case for a team that's on the bubble when that is how they handle pressure. SI's Stewart Mandel agrees - he has them out of the tournament as of right now.

A final thought - I saw at least three very ticky-tack fouls called against USC in the second half that led to Arizona St. free throws. But the bottom line is that people don't remember the dodgy call on a outside jumper with five minutes left - they remember the bad call on the game-tying slam dunk with 15 seconds left.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:26 PM 1 comments  

Another college basketball post-season tournament?

Looking on Fox Sports' Web site, I noticed a banner ad for something called the College Basketball Invitational, scheduled to start on March 18. Intrigued, I clicked on it (as you are welcome to do with my banner ads HINT HINT) and found this explanation:

"This event will feature 16 teams not playing in the 2008 NCAA Tournament and will secure an important opportunity for more deserving programs to have a postseason experience."

Don't we already have something like this called the NIT? Honestly, when you are the XFL in comparison to the freakin' NIT, you probably aren't that relevant. I can't really recall a lot of people saying "Yeah, the NCAA tournament is great, and I watch every NIT game, but I want more - if only there was another post-season tournament!"

Let's put it this way...after adding the College Basketball Invitational, there will be 113 teams involved in post-season play. That's out of a total of 341 Division I teams total. That means that almost one-third of all men's Division I teams will be playing in some form of the post-season this year.

But hey, it's good to know that those teams who were snubbed by the NIT will have a place to play in March. I'm sure they'll be extremely motivated.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:34 AM 3 comments  

On John Daly, Pac-Man Jones and Double Standards

So this weekend, legendary golf instructor Butch Harmon quit as John Daly's swing coach after a series of events that led Harmon to exclaim that "the most important thing in his life is getting drunk." In the interest in letting Harmon in on a few things, I'd like to point out to him a few other things that are the "most important things" in some other people's lives. Like, the most important thing...

in Matt Leinart's life is having sex with a bevy of hot coeds...
in Shaquille O'Neal's life is AM/PM hot dogs...
in Scrooge McDuck's life is swimming in a pool of gold coins...

You get the idea.

To recap the story, during a rain delay in the first round of the PODS Championship (don't ask, it's a terrible sponsor name for a tournament), Daly spent 2 1/2 hours at the Hooters corporate tent behind the 17th green. Presumably, he wasn't drinking diet Cokes and eating M&Ms. After play resumed, he decided it would be fun to have his good buddy, Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden, caddy for him. Shockingly, he would up shooting a 77 and followed that up with an 80 to miss the cut by roughly one bazillion strokes. However, if he was broken up about it, he didn't show it on Saturday, as he was signing various female body parts and getting hammered at the Hooters "Owl's Nest" at the tournament.

Oh, that wacky John Daly. Always getting into trouble! He's just a big ol' country boy who loves beer, women and golf, and probably in that order. He's like a walking Skoal ad. Wouldn't it be great if more golfers had a little bit of John Daly in him?

But here's the thing...

John Daly can get drunk during the actual playing of a competition, and he's a lovable redneck. But Pac-Man Jones likely won't be playing football this year, or any time soon, even though he hasn't been convicted of any crimes, merely of making stupid mistake after stupid mistake? You can't convince me that there is no connection between the public perception of the two and their race. More specifically, the neat stereotype that each athlete falls into: John Daly is the big, dumb redneck who is a train wreck but harmless (like Billy Carter), while Pac-Man Jones is the big scary black man who is going to sleep with and possibly kill your blonde, white women (like O.J. Simpson).

Obviously, race isn't the whole story here. Pac-Man Jones was suspended indefinitely by the NFL after a series of issues that involved guns and people being paralyzed. John Daly mainly gets drunk and makes an ass of himself (and maybe gets into fights with his wife of the moment that leaves her in jail and him with giant scratch marks on his face at the first tee). And as my wife pointed out tonight, the PGA Tour doesn't have to worry about John Daly becoming the harbinger for the actions of the rest of the players on tour - he's clearly an isolated exception to the rule. Meanwhile, the NFL is desperate to make sure that their league doesn't turn into the NBA (i.e. a league full of "gangstas" and thugs) in the eyes of the fans, and will do anything to stop it.

As for Gruden, his half-day as a caddy was well-received by the local media. See, John Daly's not a drunk with a gambling problem and a mean temper. He's a "colorful character"! I think the media would have been less sympathetic if Gruden had been spotted around town with Pac-Man Jones at Tampa Bay's finest Gentlemen's establishment. (And shouldn't he be spending less time hauling bags for John Daly and more time trying to figure out when Tampa Bay has approximately 18 quarterbacks on their roster, none of whom are any good?)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:24 PM 2 comments  

Red Sox Respond to Yankees, Sign Robin Williams

BOSTON - The Boston Red Sox today announced that Oscar winner Robin Williams will play in an exhibition game for the team later this month. The move is seen as a response to the New York Yankees announcement that Billy Crystal will also suit up and join the Yankees in an upcoming exhibition game, and an attempt to close the gap in moderately funny comedians from the 1980s whose career have fallen on hard times.

"The Yankees might have an Oscar host, but we have an Oscar winner," said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. "Plus, what has Billy Crystal done in the past 10 years? While he's been busy chasing the Clippers around the country, Robin Williams has been starring in hit movies such as Man of the Year, RV and August Rush."

For his part, the 56 year-old Williams said that taking the field for the Red Sox is "a dream come true."

"I've been a huge fan of the Red Sox for a long time, all the way back to when I made Good Will Hunting," Williams said.

He then went on to recite the entire speech his character from the movie made about Cartlon Fisk's game-winning home run in the 1975 World Series in front of a cadre of increasingly bored reporters, before devolving into a 20-minute long, sporadically humorous riff with tangents including: rosin bags and their similarities to cocaine; Al Gore's hatred of pine tar; and baby poop.

In a related note: in an attempt to stiumlate their fan base, the Tampa Bay Rays had offered one-day minor league contracts to Shecky Green, Don Rickles and Charlie Callas.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:02 PM 0 comments  

Why Gonzaga vs. San Diego matters

If you are a fan of a team currently on the men's NCAA basketball tournament bubble (such as Arizona St., Arizona, Texas A&M, Kentucky), you should make sure you are watching the West Coast Conference Championship between Gonzaga and San Diego tonight on ESPN. And, it wouldn't be a bad idea to flip back to the Southern Conference tournament final between Davidson and Elon on ESPN2, either.

Why? Because the favorites in both games (Gonzaga and Davidson) have very legitimate chances of receiving at-large bids into the NCAA tournament even if they lose tonight and don't get the automatic bid (Gonzaga is pretty much a lock, Davidson would be firmly a bubble team). And if they get in with at-large berths instead of automatic bids, that's two spots that won't be available
to current "bubble" teams like the ones I mentioned.

If you love basketball, it would be fantastic to see some upsets in these conference tournaments and a few Cinderella teams make it to the Big Dance. But if you are a fan of a bubble team, you have to resist that urge with all your will and be the Ugly Stepsister who hope Cinderella gets crushed under the wheel of that pumpkin carriage.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:51 AM 1 comments  

Last Night's Pac-10 Basketball Round-Up

- UCLA beat Stanford in overtime 77-67 to win the regular season conference title. Of course, there wouldn't have been an overtime if Darren Collison hadn't have been...touched?...lightly grazed?...
by Stanford's Lawrence Hill while driving to the basket down by two at the end of regulation:



Which, yeah, it's a terrible call. But keep in mind that a) Stanford blew a big lead in the game and b) how do you not have some sort of way to stop Collison from getting that much penetration at the end of the game to begin with?

- Meanwhile, cross-town, USC was doing their best to blow a game they needed, choking away a 10-point lead in the final two minutes and change before coming back in overtime to beat Cal, 93-89. Yes, the win basically locks up USC's NCAA tournament bid, but as a fan I'm concerned. This isn't the first time USC has failed to hold onto a big lead late and had to go to OT to get the win, and I don't like seeing the defense get torched like that. Actually, "seeing it" was impossible, since it wasn't on TV here in LA. Thanks, Fox Sports!

- Remember how excited Arizona St. fans were getting about beating USC, and how they were already trying to decide on their viewing plans for the Sun Devils' opening round game? Well, I guess they forgot that they had two more games to play on the road, starting with last night against Oregon. Unfocused team + desperate opponent + difficult venue = a 67-61 loss and a return squarely to the edge of the NCAA tournament bubble. (ESPN's Joe Lunardi has them as one of the last four teams in so you would think it would behoove them to win at least one game in the Pac-10 tournament, and for God's sake don't lose to Oregon St.)

Meanwhile, Oregon fans are cute and delusional and still think they have a chance to get into the tournament as an at-large.

- Arizona crushed Oregon St. 81-45, and more importantly perhaps, got starter Nic Wise back from a knee injury that has sidelined him for much of the season. On a related note, I don't think you can overstate how awful Oregon St. is until you see them firsthand. It's rare that you see a team that is physically outclassed that also manages to be less prepared, disciplined or focused than their opponents game after game. It's an impressive display of suckage.

So the bottom line is, how many berths will the NCAA give the Pac-10? I still think five - it will be hard to sell sending two teams with .500 regular season conference records (which Arizona, Arizona St. and Oregon will all have at best).

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:47 PM 1 comments