David Boston definitely not flying to New Zealand to buy party pills

TAMPA BAY, FL - Former Pro Bowl wide receiver David Boston said on Friday that his last-minute trip to New Zealand "absolutely, 100 percent no way" had anything to do with the country's upcoming ban on so-called legal "party pills" that have similar side effects to uppers, ecstasy and other recreational drugs that are currently illegal in the US.

Boston, who has had a checkered past with both performance-enhancing and recreational drug use during his playing career, told reporters that his trip was purely sightseeing in nature.

"I mean, I read that story on the Web the other day, but that had nothing to do with this trip," Boston said. "It just reminded me how much I've always wanted to go to New Zealand, so I decided to buy a plane ticket that night for this weekend."

When asked why he booked the trip so soon, Boston replied that he wanted to go now "while the political situation appears to be OK. Man, you never know when things can get crazy in those African countries!"

Boston said that his wife and two children would not be joining him for the trip, in part because he was only going to be in New Zealand less than 24 hours, and in part because he heard that the country was filled with "orcs, Hobbits, giant talking trees and other things that would probably scare the living shit out of my family. But I'm willing to risk it so that I can...umm...see the sights of New Zealand."

Boston stopped the interview with reporters short, saying that he needed to go home and prepare for the trip by "finding out where the pharmacies are in New Zealand" and "deciding which suitcases have the most hidden compartments."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:32 AM 1 comments  

The Return of the Birdman

If I were the GM of one of the surprise teams in the NBA, and it was getting near the playoffs, I think I wouldn't want to do much to disrupt team chemistry. Like, say, bringing back a player who had been kicked out of the league for two years for drug abuse and dropping him straight into the pressure cooker of a playoff drive.

But, that's just what the New Orleans Hornets are doing, as they have announced plans to sign Chris "Birdman" Andersen after he was reinstated by the NBA on Tuesday. If you aren't familiar, Andersen was a back-up center, who was kicked out of the league back in 2006 for testing positive for the class of drug that includes: meth, cocaine and heroin. Obviously, once he was reinstated, it was clear that New Orleans would welcome him back with open arms: how could you turn away a guy that averaged five points per game his last season, especially in the middle of a playoff chase?

Along with his drug habit, Andersen was known for two things: his "arms flapping" celebration that earned him the nickname "Birdman"; and for completely fucking things up in the 1996 NBA Slam Dunk contest, including needing eight attempts to make his first dunk and five to make his second.

Witness the carnage unfold, helpfully set to "Yakkity Sax":



There was a press conference today to announce Andersen's return. I am not going to comment on his current condition, or if he is actually has his life straightened out (I hope he does). But still...this photo from today doesn't exactly say "clean and sober":















(Photo: Rusty Costanza, The Times-Picayune)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:45 PM 1 comments