Waffle House signs Tiger Woods to endorsement deal

Norcroft, GA - After losing several high-profile endorsements in recent weeks, Tiger Woods gained a rare new endorsement on Sunday, as Waffle House announced they had inked the embattled golfer to a multi-year deal.

Waffle House CEO Joe Rogers said that recent revelations of Woods' infidelity and other indiscretions in his personal life were far from a turn-off for his brand; in fact it brought Woods “closer” to the Waffle House demographic.

“When I heard that he wrecked his SUV after his wife was chasing him in the middle of night with a golf club because he was cheating on her, my first thought was 'Bingo',” Rogers said. “That pretty much sums up why most of our customers wind up eating at Waffle House in the first place.”

Rogers added that Woods' recent fall from grace made it possible for Waffle House to afford bringing him on-board as a celebrity spokesperson.

“Just like our All-Star Special, Tiger Woods is a great deal that's only going to be available for a limited time,” Rogers said. “It's fair to say that much like our hash browns are smothered and covered in gravy, Tiger's been smothered and covered in controversy lately.”

Waffle House will be filming their first commercial with Woods after the New Year. The planned 30-second spot will be dialogue-free and feature Woods drunkenly leering at a moderately-attractive Waffle House waitress. The commercial will end with the restaurant chain's new tag line “Waffle House: If It's Good Enough For Tiger, It's Good Enough For You.”

Woods released a statement through his Web site that was “thrilled” was the new endorsement and “didn't at all consider it to be a massive step down from Accenture or Tag Heuer.”

Woods replaces previous Waffle House spokesperson John Daly, who Rogers said was let go after “failing to live up to the brand image” by failing to get arrested or vomit on himself during a tournament over the past six months.

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Posted by The Duke of Everything at 12:11 AM 1 comments  

On John Daly, Pac-Man Jones and Double Standards

So this weekend, legendary golf instructor Butch Harmon quit as John Daly's swing coach after a series of events that led Harmon to exclaim that "the most important thing in his life is getting drunk." In the interest in letting Harmon in on a few things, I'd like to point out to him a few other things that are the "most important things" in some other people's lives. Like, the most important thing...

in Matt Leinart's life is having sex with a bevy of hot coeds...
in Shaquille O'Neal's life is AM/PM hot dogs...
in Scrooge McDuck's life is swimming in a pool of gold coins...

You get the idea.

To recap the story, during a rain delay in the first round of the PODS Championship (don't ask, it's a terrible sponsor name for a tournament), Daly spent 2 1/2 hours at the Hooters corporate tent behind the 17th green. Presumably, he wasn't drinking diet Cokes and eating M&Ms. After play resumed, he decided it would be fun to have his good buddy, Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden, caddy for him. Shockingly, he would up shooting a 77 and followed that up with an 80 to miss the cut by roughly one bazillion strokes. However, if he was broken up about it, he didn't show it on Saturday, as he was signing various female body parts and getting hammered at the Hooters "Owl's Nest" at the tournament.

Oh, that wacky John Daly. Always getting into trouble! He's just a big ol' country boy who loves beer, women and golf, and probably in that order. He's like a walking Skoal ad. Wouldn't it be great if more golfers had a little bit of John Daly in him?

But here's the thing...

John Daly can get drunk during the actual playing of a competition, and he's a lovable redneck. But Pac-Man Jones likely won't be playing football this year, or any time soon, even though he hasn't been convicted of any crimes, merely of making stupid mistake after stupid mistake? You can't convince me that there is no connection between the public perception of the two and their race. More specifically, the neat stereotype that each athlete falls into: John Daly is the big, dumb redneck who is a train wreck but harmless (like Billy Carter), while Pac-Man Jones is the big scary black man who is going to sleep with and possibly kill your blonde, white women (like O.J. Simpson).

Obviously, race isn't the whole story here. Pac-Man Jones was suspended indefinitely by the NFL after a series of issues that involved guns and people being paralyzed. John Daly mainly gets drunk and makes an ass of himself (and maybe gets into fights with his wife of the moment that leaves her in jail and him with giant scratch marks on his face at the first tee). And as my wife pointed out tonight, the PGA Tour doesn't have to worry about John Daly becoming the harbinger for the actions of the rest of the players on tour - he's clearly an isolated exception to the rule. Meanwhile, the NFL is desperate to make sure that their league doesn't turn into the NBA (i.e. a league full of "gangstas" and thugs) in the eyes of the fans, and will do anything to stop it.

As for Gruden, his half-day as a caddy was well-received by the local media. See, John Daly's not a drunk with a gambling problem and a mean temper. He's a "colorful character"! I think the media would have been less sympathetic if Gruden had been spotted around town with Pac-Man Jones at Tampa Bay's finest Gentlemen's establishment. (And shouldn't he be spending less time hauling bags for John Daly and more time trying to figure out when Tampa Bay has approximately 18 quarterbacks on their roster, none of whom are any good?)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:24 PM 2 comments  

What Not to Watch: 10/31

Because hiding razor blades in candy apples requires too much concentration to try to do while watch bad sports programming on TV.(All time Pacific.)

• College Basketball Exhibition: Quincy @ Illinois (6 p.m., Big Ten Network) - Tonight on Quincy: was it an "accidental" car crash, or was it something more sinister? Quincy gets to the bottom of things by hanging out on his houseboat and checking out hot girls in bikinis for skin cancer while Sam gets stuck doing the real work.
• 19th Hole (Golf Channel, 6:30 p.m.) - A half-hour of John Daly getting drunk, eating beer peanuts and playing the Tri Towers game at the Touchmaster 3000 machine at the end of the bar.
• Best Damned Sports Show Period: Halloween Special (FSN, 8 p.m.) - Watch as John Salley sets a bag of flaming dog poop on the doorstep of former host Tom Arnold. Hilarity ensues!
• Classic Bull Riding: 2005 PRCA Extreme Bulls (ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.) - These are regular bulls, these are EXTREME!!! Remember, this is 2005, before they started testing bulls for Vault Energy Drink.
• NBA Developmental League Pre-Draft Show (NBATV, 9 p.m.) - I know there's been a lot of debate on who the Colorado 14ers will select first: Trey Johnson or Curtis Sumpter. Actually, even Mel Kiper Jr. thinks a pre-draft show for what is essentially the NBA's minor league is a crock of crap.
  

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:12 PM 0 comments