Lane Kiffin Is Your New USC Head Coach And I Think I'm Going To Be Sick

I’ve been spending the past hour writing and rewriting a post about Lane Kiffin bailing on Tennessee after one season to become USC’s new head football coach. I get a paragraph or so in, and then I feel like I need to go in a new direction and start from scratch (which, oddly enough, is exactly the opposite of how USC decided to go -HIYOOO!). I’d like to think that I’m a pretty cynical sports observer and that there are very few stories that shock me. But I’ll freely admit that my jaw dropped when I heard the news break over the radio this morning. (More specifically, I gasped like a 12-year-old girl who got to the part in Harry Potter where Dumbledore dies, but that’s beside the point.)


From a purely football standpoint, it’s a good move for USC. Rather than getting an NFL retread like Steve Mariucchi or Herm Edwards (and that lightning isn’t striking twice), they were able to lure an established college coach in who is intimately familiar with the program and has an Insta-Staff in place that can save the recruiting season.

(I’ll have to admit that as shocked as I am that Lane Kiffin is coming back to USC, I’m positively flabbergasted that Norm Chow is coming back to coach with him. After all, Chow left USC in the first place because he felt Pete Carroll was throwing him under the bus in order to promote the career of his golden boy coordinator-in-waiting - Lane Kiffin. Still, USC’s offense hasn’t been the same since Chow left, and losing him is a huge blow to UCLA. I wonder if Rick Neuheisel knows where the football dynasty in Los Angeles is now?)

But what I keep coming back to is a personal interest I have in the Tennessee football program. I come from a small town in central California, and my old high school’s quarterback is named Tyler Bray. Not only did he lead his school to the section title this season, but he became an elite-level recruit, finally landing at - you guessed it - Tennesee. In fact, he skipped his last semester of high school (where he was also a star basketball player) so he could graduate early and enroll at Tennessee to take part in spring football.

Well, now he’s stuck at Tennessee after the coach who sold him on the tradition and pride of Volunteer football caught a quick flight out of Knoxville for the bright lights of Los Angeles as soon as the plane could leave. Who knows who his coach will be next year (David Cutcliffe? Skip Holtz? Phil Fulmer?) and who knows what shape the program will be in. But unlike Kiffin, he can’t just go looking for the best offer. He’s either stuck eating a year of eligibility to transfer or hope that the new coach is as enamored of his talents as Kiffin was.

And that’s what sticks in my craw about the whole situation. As I wrote yesterday, I was getting tired of the creeping arrogance and smugness in the USC program. Now they’ve brought in a coach who takes all of those elements to another level. Tennessee fans had developed a love/hate relationship with Kiffin in just one year. He certainly wasn’t the genial Southern gentleman fans had become accustomed to in Knoxville. Much like a young Steve Spurrier, he wasn’t afraid to make bold statements and rub opponents the wrong way.

And he wasn’t afraid to play fast and loose with recruiting rules, which had already brought him under the crosshairs of the NCAA in his only season at Tennessee. Which makes him a curious choice for a program with the Reggie Bush situation lingering over its head and a basketball program already having self-imposed major sanctions for all manner of shenanigans. The NCAA might as well save some money by purchasing a condo for the rotating team of investigators who will be watching USC over the next few years rather than get hotel rooms over and over again.

Will it work on the field? It certainly could - Kiffin and Ed Orgeron are a formidable recruiting team, and we all know about Norm Chow’s ability as a coordinator. But if you’re a USC fan, are you really in love with the hire? Does it fill you with Trojan pride or a lingering feeling of dread. I remember having the same feeling when Tim Floyd was brought on to coach the USC basketball team, and we all know how that turned out.

That being said, I’d like to be the first to officially welcome Lane Kiffin’s wife Layla back to Los Angeles. If you are interested in making Your Face is a Sports Blog the site for your first interview as the First Lady of USC, just call me.

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Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:28 PM 0 comments  

Coming To Terms With Not Caring About Pete Carroll

Up until today, I’ve been hesitant to write anything about Pete Carroll’s departure from USC to become the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks. This might be surprising to a lot of you who know me as a USC grad and proud Trojan. But my reluctance to put pen to paper about this story has nothing to do with any inability to come to terms with Carroll leaving USC, or a lack of ability to separate the animalistic nature of my fandom from my ability to provide in-depth, thoughtful analysis of the situation. No, the answer is far more insidious and something I’ve had trouble coming to terms with since the story first broke: I honestly don’t care anymore.


What was troubling for me in admitting to this fact is that saying that you don’t care that your team is losing a coaching icon seems a lot like saying that you don’t care about that team anymore. And while that isn’t true in the larger context, it is true in the short term. I went to one home game this year (and it was against Washington State, so that barely counts as a game) and I found a lot more reasons this year to catch games on Tivo rather than live. Taking the daughter to the zoo? Catch the game on Tivo. There’s a sprint car race 50 miles away? I can watch the game on Tivo later. Need to do grocery shopping? Kickball practice? Toenail degrouting? Tivo, Tivo, Tivo!

It would be easy to assume that I’m a fair-weather fan, and that my waning interest in the team was a product of the team’s relatively poor showing this year. But let me remind everyone that I went to school during the final years of John Robinson II (aka the Phoning It In Years) and the beginning of the era of He Who Shall Not Be Named (Paul Hackett). I saw some of the worst football imaginable, featuring indifferent or clueless coaches creating ill-advised game plans that were executed by overhyped, outmatched players. And yet those are some of my favorite memories of USC football.

So what’s the problem? Part of it is that I couldn’t stand the annual rite of one or two losses to far inferior opponents every year. They had different names: Oregon State, Stanford, Oregon, Washington, but the pattern would play out the same - USC would find a way to sleepwalk through three quarters before being forced to launch a furious rally that would fall short. And then at the end of the season, I’d have to hear other USC fans overload the airwaves, complaining about how if there was a playoff, USC would win the national title because they were playing better than anyone.

Teams lose to lesser competition - this is why football, especially college football, is so interesting. But no team has made such a habit of it as USC did under Pete Carroll. There were always excuses - calls that didn’t go USC’s way, star players being out - but at the end of the day, it always came down to not being ready to play and not being disciplined enough to execute.

USC probably avoided a lot more losses through much of Pete Carroll’s tenure at USC because of one thing - the coaching staff’s ability to make adjustments during the game. USC came out flat more often than not under Pete Carroll, but they were also (in the team’s heyday) as good of a second-half team as any recent football squad. A team could have a double-digit lead at halftime, and the only question would be how many minutes into the second half would it be before USC had taken the lead. And if USC led at the half? Forget it.

But this stopped happening the last couple of season, culminating in the 2009 season, which was a coaching disaster. I’ll have to go back to the dark days of Paul Hackett to remember a team that was so unconcerned about making changes at halftime. Either the coaching staff ran out of ideas about halfway through the season or they kept clinging onto the cute but ultimately wrong-headed notion that they didn’t need to make changes since USC had better players and would eventually smother the other team with talent, speed, power, aggression and attitude.

My indifference to Pete Carroll isn’t about individual choices (starting Matt Barkley as a true freshman, not being able to ever decide on one running back); it’s more about the attitude he fostered. There’s a line between “loose” and “rudderless,” and the team seemed to fall over the waterfall to the latter this season. Mental mistakes, dumb penalties, inattention to detail - these were the hallmarks of USC football the last couple of years. And if you want to credit Pete Carroll for shape the team’s attitude when things were going well, you also have to lay the blame on him when the attitude was clearly part of the team’s lack of success.

Here’s the thing: it was something special to be a Trojan fan during Pete Carroll’s tenure at USC. The highlight of my time as a student was beating a far-overmatched Northwestern team in one of the least compelling Rose Bowls in history. Since Pete Carroll came to USC, the level of achievement has reached unprecedented levels. And no amount of sour grapes or feelings of abandonment can change that.

But everyone knew Pete Carroll would leave for the NFL someday; it was just a matter of when. And the Seattle Seahawks job is about as good of a deal as he’s going to get: a healthy salary to stay on the West Coast, and a chance to be heavily involved in the front office (Seattle may be forced to hire a separate GM thanks to how badly they boned things in relation to the Rooney Rule, but I think we all know any GM who is hired is second banana to Coach Carroll). Plus, Seattle has enough defensive talent that they can compete next year in a weak NFC West.

So the inevitable has happened. The only question now is: what’s next. I have to assume that Mike Garrett is only nominally involved in the coaching search at this point, since he’s clearly a dead man walking at USC, waiting for the new school president to come in later this year and send him off to pasture with a fat “retirement” package. Whether USC hires Jack Del Rio, Jeff Fisher or someone else, it won’t be the same as it was under Pete Carroll - ever again. And I’m OK with that. It was an amazing run, but I was ready to move on, and I’m glad Coach Carroll was as well.

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Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:22 PM 2 comments  

My cover letter for the USC basketball job

June 19, 2009
Heritage Hall
University of Southern California
Los Angeles, CA

Dear Mr. Garrett,

I am writing to express my interest in the head men’s basketball coach position currently advertised by USC on your Web site. Although my basketball experience is limited to covering the sport as a reporter and watching games by myself at the Hooters down the street, I believe that I possess the management skills and leadership qualities needed to take the men’s basketball program to the next level.

After analyzing your current situation, I believe you need a men’s basketball head coach with high moral character to serve as a “figurehead” for your organization. One of the primary purposes of a head coach is to hire a well-qualified core of assistants who – from what I gather – essentially handle the day-to-day operations and coaching of the team while the head coach oversees operations.

I have more than eight years in business management, where I have learned to effectively delegate duties while watching YouTube clips of old sports events from my closed office. I feel this more than qualifies me for the duties of the position. In addition, I possess the highest moral fiber, along with the common sense to avoid all pictures of me puking in the back of dive bars or doing something totally outrageous – such as handing over big bags of cash to an agent representing a star player. I have the common sense and acumen to develop an elaborate series of intermediaries and “boosters” to create an arms-length distance between the program and the university.

As a USC graduate, I understand and respect the tradition of USC basketball, having watched the team almost qualify for several NIT tournaments while I attended games at the Sports Arena. I understand that the program may be facing several hardships in upcoming years. As someone who makes a living writing, I can assure you that I am used to doing a lot with very little.

Best,
Richard Manfredi

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 12:11 AM 1 comments  

USC women's soccer coach files Title IX suit against Yahoo! Sports

USC women's soccer coach Ali Khosroshahin filed a Title IX lawsuit against Yahoo! Sports on Tuesday, claiming the online news site had engaged in "gross gender inequity" by refusing to report on massive recruiting violations by the Women of Troy's team.

“It’s absolutely unfair that our football and men’s basketball teams have been getting all of this publicity, when we’re breaking just as many NCAA rules and not getting any attention from Yahoo! Sports,” Khosroshahin said during a sparsely-attended press conference at Heritage Hall to announce the lawsuit.

“Seriously, the things we’re doing here makes Tim Floyd look like Mother Teresa,” Khosroshahin said as he held up a stack of receipts detailing illegal payments of cash, car and male strippers to USC women’s soccer recruits. “Hello? Anyone interested?”

Responding to Khosroshahin’s charges, Yahoo! Sports editor Jay Robinski said that the while the organization was aware of the massive violations taking place within the USC women’s soccer program, it was a “secondary concern.”

“We had a pretty good idea something was going on when we received a large packet of evidence from USC with including incriminating pictures, videos and a signed confession from Coach Khosroshahin,” Robinski said. “But to be honest, there are just more pressing concerns happening with USC right now. I mean, we just got word that (USC football coach) Pete Carroll might have jaywalked while crossing the street to see a USC football recruit play in 2006. Why hasn’t the NCAA investigated this yet?”

Khosroshahin said that if the lawsuit did not succeed, he would be forced to “ramp up” plans to gain recognition for the Women of Troy, the 2007 national champions.

“You know what they say – all publicity is good publicity,” Khosroshahin said as he held up a massive bag of what was believed to be HGH.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 7:16 PM 1 comments  

Latest BCS rankings: let the rioting begin

I treat the BCS rankings like Christmas - there's no reason to even think about it until November and even then that's probably far too soon. But the first poll of November is out and, predictably, people are losing their damned minds over it. Texas Tech jumps past Penn State! USC falls to No. 7 after winning 56-0! Utah, Boise St. and TCU all in the Top 12! It's chaos!

Of course, there's still a whole month of football left to be played, so reading too much into these rankings is very dangerous. However, there are a few things I think we can safely assume based on where things stand right now:

Penn State fans need to shut up already

Yes, it's a tough break to get jumped in polls when you had a bye week. Or so the Nittany Lion fans are screaming today after Texas Tech moved ahead of them in the rankings. But keep this in mind: Penn State didn't "fall" in the rankings - they were No. 3 before the week started and No. 3 at the end of the week. The only difference is which two teams are ahead of them, with Texas Tech replacing Texas.

I don't see how you can argue with placing the Red Raiders ahead of Penn State this week. Rankings should be based on how well people have performed against the teams they have played to that point in the season. Up until last week, voters were holding off on rewarding Texas Tech for being 8-0, since they have a daunting gauntlet of games to close the season. But now that they've got through the first step and knocked off the No. 1 team in the country, you have to place them higher. They play in a better conference and they have the best win of any of the three undefeated teams at the top of the polls.

But most importantly, this is an incredibly moot point. If Texas Tech wins out, that means they will have beaten Texas, Oklahoma State, Baylor and either Missouri or Kansas in the Big 12 title game. And there would be no possible argument for keeping them out of the BCS title game then. If they lose once, where they are ranked today is meaningless as long as Penn State keeps winning.

If I was a Penn State fan, I'd be more ticked off at Alabama moving up to No. 1 than Texas Tech going to No. 2. Let's be honest about this: what exactly is the Crimson Tide's signature win? Georgia? The same team that got hammered by Florida this week? The Clemson team that fired their head coach midway through the season? Tennessee, who just fired their coach today? I'd argue that Penn State's win over Oregon State (more on them in a minute) is looking far more impressive by the week, while Alabama's earlier wins lose more and more of their luster.

Utah, Boise St., TCU, BYU and Ball State fans should learn to hate Ohio State as much as the rest of the college football world does

Why? Their BCS bowl chances might be directly tied to how Ohio State does in their final three games against Northwestern, Illinois and Michigan. To attempt to briefly explain: any school from a non-BCS conference that is ranked in the Top 12 of the final regular season BCS poll is guaranteed a spot in a BCS game. But if more than two teams are in the Top 12, only the highest-ranking is guaranteed a spot. Which is potentially bad news for Utah, TCU and Boise St., all in the Top 12 this week.

Only teams in the Top 16 are eligible for at-large BCS berths and - here's the big catch - no conference can send more than two teams to BCS bowl games. Right now nine of the top 16 spots in the BCS are taken by teams from two conferences: the SEC and the Big 12. And there is almost no chance that the ACC, Big East or PAC-10 will send two teams. (See next item for the one percent chance that the PAC-10 sends two schools.)

Doing the math: there are four at-large berths. Second teams from the Big 12 and SEC will get two of those four, as (almost certainly) will the highest-finishing non-BCS school. Leaving the final BCS at-large berth to go to another BCS Buster or...Ohio State.

Yes, the same cockroaches that ruined the last two championship games are all that stand in the way of the greatest season in non-BCS football history. They sit at No. 12 in the current rankings. If they win out, they'll get the final BCS at-large berth. If they slip up, that spot will almost have to go to a non-BCS team in the Top 16 (even Ball State could get the nod).

In some small way, we all should be rooting for Northwestern next week.

USC is screwed, screwed, screwed (and deservedly so)

After USC lost to Oregon State, I told anyone who would listen that the Trojans' BCS Title hopes were done. And everyone tried to convince me that USC was still alive. "Just look at the carnage last season," they said. "They win out and they'll be fine."

Looking at the first week of November, and I stand by my earlier statement. They don't just need upsets to start happening, but huge upsets with teams way outside of the BCS rankings to take down big names. Texas Tech knocking off Texas might have seemed like a break for the Trojans, for example, but it turned out to be the worst thing imaginable - not only did the Red Raiders leap over USC, but Texas didn't fall behind them.

Without getting into drawn-out rationales, here are the relevant facts:

• The Big 12 champion is making it to the BCS title game. In order for this not to happen, it would take a scenario so convoluted that M. Night Shymalayan would dismiss it as crackpot for there not to be at least one team left with one loss, and there is no way a one-loss Big 12 team is getting left out of the mix.
• Alabama goes if they run the table. The best team most likely to beat them: one-loss Florida, who would certainly go ahead of USC if they win out. They only way USC would be picked ahead of the SEC champion is if Florida loses again but beats Alabama in the SEC title game. And even then, one-loss Alabama might still go ahead of USC (sending a team that lost its conference championship is a nightmare scenario for the BCS).
• Penn State has the easiest path to going undefeated. But if they slip up, they are done. (There is no way a one-loss Big Ten team makes it, period.)

In poker terms, USC has pockets 4s against other teams' pocket aces. And the Trojans don't even control their own BCS fate: if Oregon State wins out, they would get the PAC-10 title and Rose Bowl berth, sending USC to other BCS game. (This is the one percent chance of this happening, considered Oregon State barely beat a lousy ASU team at home on Saturday, and still have to play Oregon, Cal and Arizona.)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:31 PM 0 comments  

USC: Epic Fail

This is what the perspective of having a kid does for you. A couple of years ago, I would have tried to punch out a wall if USC had an epic failure like last night against Oregon St. At the very least, I would have drank enough during and after the game to think that the wall was getting lippy with me, and totally had it coming.

But I didn't get mad. Hell, I didn't even watch the second half: I was so disgusted about the game that I went out to get pizza with the family and some friends, listening to the game on radio in spurts. I also hoped that by not watching, I could change the team's luck around somehow, because I am a weak and stupid man who falls back on superstition when things aren't going well.

The thing is, it's more than just a better perspective on life that's making me feel "meh" about the loss. It's getting to the point that this is just what I expect from USC at some point during the season: a jaw-droppingly bad loss against a team that the Trojans should throttle. It what the team does.

As I mentioned in my Speed Read post at SPORTS by BROOKS earlier today, this is all on Pete Carroll, If any other coach had his track record of failing against lesser teams, there would be a lot more criticism than whatever Teflon Pete is going to get. And he should get a lot of heat: after Stanford last season, there's no excuse for a USC team to ever overlook an opponent - and that's exactly what happened.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:42 AM 0 comments  

USC CB suspended for six weeks for arrest, out six weeks with injury

LOS ANGELES - USC head football coach Pete Carroll today announced that starting cornerback Shareece Wright would be suspended for six games following his arrest over Labor Day weekend for resisting a police officer. Carroll also said that a hairline fracture of Wright's vertebrae would sideline him for six weeks.

"I know people were criticizing us for letting Shareece play against Ohio State after this information came to light, but like we said, we wanted to gather all the information before we made a decision," Carroll said. "We didn't want to rush toi judgement, so we made sure we talked to his lawyers, reviewed all the court records, had the trainers review his MRIs and get a second opinion from an orthopedic specialist."

Carroll denied that the timing and length of Wright's suspension had anything to do with his injury, calling that "one of those weird coincidences." However, he did note that Wright could have his suspension lifted earlier, depending on the results of his court case, or how well he responds to treatment.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:45 AM 1 comments  

Bracket, heart busted

I'm done with watching the NCAA tournament. OK, not really, but my heart's not going to be in it anymore. Not after watching USC pull an epic tank job against Kansas St. in their first round game yesterday. I guess for all the hype about OJ Mayo vs. Michael Beasley, USC forgot that Bill Walker is, in fact, a pretty good player as well. If only there was someone on the Trojans who was familiar with Walker and could have helped create a good scouting report to stop him.

Oh wait...

Actually, I don't blame OJ Mayo - he basically single-handedly lead the team back in the second-half from a double digit deficit to a brief lead. The problem is that, at least on offense, he had no help. Dwight Lewis made a couple of big shots, but other than that...nothing. I guess that is what happens when all three of your big men wind up playing most of the second half with four fouls. Although fouls or not, Taj Gibson was a mess yesterday - passes getting fumbled out of his hands and out of bounds, missed free throws, blown shots from two feet away...and always with the whining to the refs after every call or non-call. He's done that since he came to USC two years ago, and it needs to stop - it's embarrassing to watch.

Here's the bottom line - instead of being a Great, Program-Changing Season, this year's team simply turned out to be good, but not as good as last year's team. Even with someone as talented as OJ Mayo, there just wasn't enough scoring options and (ultimately) team cohesion to match what last season's team brought to the table. And with anywhere from one to three starters leaving after this season (Mayo, Gibson and Davon Jefferson could all declare early for the NBA draft), next year's team is going to have the same issues with coming together as a young team.

But hey, at least Lil' Romeo's going to be there next season, right? Maybe I can get him to autograph my bag of "BBQing with my Honey" flavored Rap Snacks...

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:28 AM 0 comments  

Something like a Civil War

It was a pretty tense day here at Your Face is a Sports Blog - Arizona St. was playing USC in the Pac-10 Tournament. The Fightin' McLanes were looking to get off the NCAA tournament bubble with a win, while USC was looking to jump up a seed or more in the NCAA tournament with a strong run in the Pac-10 tourney.

It was a close game all the way. I missed the first half (thanks for starting the game involving the local team at noon, Pac-10!), but snuck out to McDonald's and watched the second half there (how I wish this wasn't true).

Here's what everyone is going to talk about after the game - this play and foul call on Arizona St.'s Jeff Pendergraft within the final 30 seconds and the Sun Devils trailing by two:



First, let me state for the record: that was a terrible call. Pendergraft simply outjumped Davon Jefferson and made a great play. I'd be ticked if it happened to USC, too. And certainly the pressure is on Pac-10 officials since their twin fuck-ups in UCLA's games over the weekend.

But here's the thing: Arizona St. finished the game missing their final 10 shots from the field. They didn't make a field goal in the final nine and a half minutes of the game. In short, the Sun Devils, with their season possibly on the line, completely fell apart. It's hard to make a case for a team that's on the bubble when that is how they handle pressure. SI's Stewart Mandel agrees - he has them out of the tournament as of right now.

A final thought - I saw at least three very ticky-tack fouls called against USC in the second half that led to Arizona St. free throws. But the bottom line is that people don't remember the dodgy call on a outside jumper with five minutes left - they remember the bad call on the game-tying slam dunk with 15 seconds left.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:26 PM 1 comments  

Last Night's Pac-10 Basketball Round-Up

- UCLA beat Stanford in overtime 77-67 to win the regular season conference title. Of course, there wouldn't have been an overtime if Darren Collison hadn't have been...touched?...lightly grazed?...
by Stanford's Lawrence Hill while driving to the basket down by two at the end of regulation:



Which, yeah, it's a terrible call. But keep in mind that a) Stanford blew a big lead in the game and b) how do you not have some sort of way to stop Collison from getting that much penetration at the end of the game to begin with?

- Meanwhile, cross-town, USC was doing their best to blow a game they needed, choking away a 10-point lead in the final two minutes and change before coming back in overtime to beat Cal, 93-89. Yes, the win basically locks up USC's NCAA tournament bid, but as a fan I'm concerned. This isn't the first time USC has failed to hold onto a big lead late and had to go to OT to get the win, and I don't like seeing the defense get torched like that. Actually, "seeing it" was impossible, since it wasn't on TV here in LA. Thanks, Fox Sports!

- Remember how excited Arizona St. fans were getting about beating USC, and how they were already trying to decide on their viewing plans for the Sun Devils' opening round game? Well, I guess they forgot that they had two more games to play on the road, starting with last night against Oregon. Unfocused team + desperate opponent + difficult venue = a 67-61 loss and a return squarely to the edge of the NCAA tournament bubble. (ESPN's Joe Lunardi has them as one of the last four teams in so you would think it would behoove them to win at least one game in the Pac-10 tournament, and for God's sake don't lose to Oregon St.)

Meanwhile, Oregon fans are cute and delusional and still think they have a chance to get into the tournament as an at-large.

- Arizona crushed Oregon St. 81-45, and more importantly perhaps, got starter Nic Wise back from a knee injury that has sidelined him for much of the season. On a related note, I don't think you can overstate how awful Oregon St. is until you see them firsthand. It's rare that you see a team that is physically outclassed that also manages to be less prepared, disciplined or focused than their opponents game after game. It's an impressive display of suckage.

So the bottom line is, how many berths will the NCAA give the Pac-10? I still think five - it will be hard to sell sending two teams with .500 regular season conference records (which Arizona, Arizona St. and Oregon will all have at best).

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:47 PM 1 comments  

Quick Hits

• Former USC, Arizona and Missouri head coach Larry Smith died today in Tucson after a lengthy illness. He was 68. At least he lived long enough to see someone come along who would ensure that he wasn't remembered as the worst coach in modern USC history.
• Speaking of USC, I don't know if you got a chance to watch the game against Oregon on Saturday, but it was a doozy. USC "blew" a 14-point lead against the Ducks (and I put "blew" in quotes just because USC didn't play that mad down the stretch - Oregon was just unconscious from beyond the arc in the final three minutes), but still got off the deck to win in overtime. OJ Mayo scored 25 while dealing with persistent leg cramps (and having briefly been declared ineligible by the NCAA and then made eligible again after the whole free ticket mess), while Daniel Hackett and Dwight Lewis each had career-highs with 26 and 24 points each.
• Speaking of Oregon...coach Ernie Kent had to go out before the USC game and implore the student section to behave in an appropriate manner. This was on the heels of the game against UCLA on Thursday, which was the homecoming for Kevin Love. Needless to say, when Ben Howland uses the terms "vile," "inappropriate" and "disgusting" to describe the fans, it's pretty bad:

"One fan brandished a homemade placard alluding to the cocaine use of Love's cousin, Brian Wilson, of the Beach Boys. Others waved signs displaying the digits of Love's cell phone number or questioning his sexual orientation. And at one point, the entire sea of yellow-shirted Oregon students showered Love with profane taunts and screams of delight when he left the game after being poked in the eye."

I'm sure a lot of it was inappropriate and borderline awful...but referencing a coked-to-the-tits Brian Wilson? That's just funny. And terrible. But funny.

• And by "the luck of the draw," Premiership leaders Manchester United and Arsenal will face each other in the Round 16 of the FA Cup. It seems about as "random" as Triple H and John Cena drawing the Nos. 29 and 30 pills at the Royal Rumble last night - who knew Mr. McMahon was a soccer fan, much less ran the English FA?
  

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 3:25 PM 0 comments  

NCAA: Mayo's Free Clippers Tickets "Worthless"

LOS ANGELES - The NCAA today ruled that free tickets received by freshman
OJ Mayo to a Nuggets vs. Clippers game on Monday from Denver star Carmelo Anthony were "essentially worthless," and therefore not a violation of NCAA rules prohibiting athletes from receiving additional benefits.

"In order for a benefit to be categorized as 'improper' it must be something that is of value," said the NCAA in a statement released today. "Because of the team's lack of stars, poor record and inconsistent fan base, the NCAA has determined that Clippers tickets are without value, and therefore accepting free tickets is not against NCAA rules."

Mayo expressed relief in the decision.

"I mean, I didn't even go to the game to watch basketball," said Mayo. "Mainly, I wanted to check out the Clipper cheerleaders and get some nachos. Man, I love nachos. Besides, it was kind of sad in the front row. The only celebrity I saw was that short, bald guy that used to host the Oscars. And some old broad I didn't know."

The statement from the NCAA did warn that if Mayo or any athlete accepted free tickets to "a Lakers game, or any other real NBA franchise," they would be subject to NCAA penalties. WNBA games, however, are exempt.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 3:02 PM 3 comments  

Chow: UCLA hire has nothing to do with burning, passionate hatred for Carroll

New UCLA offensive coordinator Norm Chow said today that his decision to return to the college coaching ranks after having been an assistant with the NFL's Baltimore Ravens was all about opportunity, and certainly has nothing to do with a burning, passionate hatred for USC head coach Pete Carroll that has built up since he left the Trojans in 2004.

"Nope. This is just a good chance to do something I like somewhere I'm comfortable," Chow said. "I don't have any bitterness or anger over how horribly I was treated at USC, or how ungrateful Coach Carroll was for everything I did for the team. Certainly, I want us to beat USC, but this isn't any sort of all-encompassing, consuming desire to crush USC that is going to take over every aspect of my life. Nothing like that at all."

Chow insisted that despite reports of tension between him and Carroll over control of USC's offense and credit for the Trojans' run of success, he and his former boss had a good relationship.

"It will be good to see him before the game next year," Chow said. "Or after the game, crying. We're still good friends - friends who don't ever talk to each other, and who want to se the other person crushed and destroyed, with their lifelong dreams and ambitions shattered like fine china in an earthquake. That kind of friend."

Chow denied reports that he was the voice behind an anonymous phone message to NCAA investigators saying the the caller "knew where all of USC's skeletons are buried," and that they could meet "in the corner booth of Lamonica's Pizza on Westwood Blvd." if they wanted more information.

Chow also disputed rumors that it would be difficult to work under new UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel, who got the UCLA job after Chow had previously interviewed for it.

"You know, these things happen, and I'm happy to be working under Rick, plus I still have plenty of time in my career to get that first head coaching break," said Chow, 61. "In fact, I like to pick up coffee from Starbucks every morning for Coach Neuheisel. He likes the Hazelnut Latte, which is great since the strong taste should mask the taste of oleander when the time comes. So yeah, I think I'll be a head coach, at least in an emergency, interim capacity, very soon."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:37 AM 0 comments  

Carroll Seriously Considering Blackmailing Garrett for Annual Pay Raise

LOS ANGELES - Sources close to Pete Carroll said today that after discussions with Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank about his team's head coaching vacancy, the USC Trojans head football coach is "seriously considering" receiving another lucrative pay raise from USC athletic director Mike Garrett.

"He's very close to making it known to athletic department officials that he's seriously considering leaving for the NFL," said the source. "Obviously, it's been a dream of his to return to the NFL. It's hard to put a price on that, although I'm sure that another million dollars or so a year from USC might be about right."

Garrett, who has given Carroll several contract extensions after the coach has flirted with several NFL teams in recent years, responded to the reports.

"I mean, he wouldn't leave here for Atlanta, right?," Garrett said in a brief interview while chainsmoking half a pack of Kools. "I mean, that place is a mess, right? And this is the best atmosphere in the country. He'd be crazy to leave. I know they're offering him total control, but he has that here. Why go back to the NFL!?!"

Garrett then alternated between manically laughing and violent weeping for several minutes before excusing himself to "make an emergency phone call."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:40 PM 1 comments  

Yahoo! Sports Reports Reggie Bush Owes More Than $59 in Library Late Fees

SAN DIEGO - In yet another chapter in their on-going investigation into New Orleans Saints RB Reggie Bush, Yahoo! Sports today published a report that the former Heisman Trophy winner racked up more than $59 in late fees from the USC library system while a student there - a sum which has never been repaid.

"Clearly, this sort of shocking revelation blows the lid off of our entire investigation," said Jason Cole, who has been investigating various aspects of Bush's life for more than 18 months. "Bush's startling disregard for the library jurisprudence system is just another example of how he shamelessly abused the system, and how USC is a renegade, out-of-control program."

Cole said that Yahoo! Sports has made other "explosive" recent breakthroughs in their continuing investigation of Bush. Among the new charges:

• Bush frequently "helped himself" to mints, butterscotches and other hard candies in the loose bin at the Ralph's near USC during his time in school, without ever paying.
• On several occasions, Bush "took a penny" from a bin at an off-campus 7-11, but was never documented to "leave a penny".
• Bush received meals, apparel, athletic coaching and academic tutoring from the University while a student at USC.

Despite waning public interest and a lack of action from the NCAA, the Heisman Trophy committee, the FBI and other organizations, Cole said that he plans to continue his investigation until "justice is served".

"I mean, at some point, people are going to realize the truth - that Yahoo! Sports is a reputable news source," said Cole. "If it takes running Reggie Bush's name into the ground and destroying the reputations and lives of him, his family, and everyone he loves in order for my snooty college classmates now working at "The New York Times" and "ESPN" to see that just because I work for a company with an exclamation point in its name doesn mean that I screwed up my career, then that's what I'll do. The truth needs to come out."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:33 AM 0 comments