Lane Kiffin Is Your New USC Head Coach And I Think I'm Going To Be Sick

I’ve been spending the past hour writing and rewriting a post about Lane Kiffin bailing on Tennessee after one season to become USC’s new head football coach. I get a paragraph or so in, and then I feel like I need to go in a new direction and start from scratch (which, oddly enough, is exactly the opposite of how USC decided to go -HIYOOO!). I’d like to think that I’m a pretty cynical sports observer and that there are very few stories that shock me. But I’ll freely admit that my jaw dropped when I heard the news break over the radio this morning. (More specifically, I gasped like a 12-year-old girl who got to the part in Harry Potter where Dumbledore dies, but that’s beside the point.)


From a purely football standpoint, it’s a good move for USC. Rather than getting an NFL retread like Steve Mariucchi or Herm Edwards (and that lightning isn’t striking twice), they were able to lure an established college coach in who is intimately familiar with the program and has an Insta-Staff in place that can save the recruiting season.

(I’ll have to admit that as shocked as I am that Lane Kiffin is coming back to USC, I’m positively flabbergasted that Norm Chow is coming back to coach with him. After all, Chow left USC in the first place because he felt Pete Carroll was throwing him under the bus in order to promote the career of his golden boy coordinator-in-waiting - Lane Kiffin. Still, USC’s offense hasn’t been the same since Chow left, and losing him is a huge blow to UCLA. I wonder if Rick Neuheisel knows where the football dynasty in Los Angeles is now?)

But what I keep coming back to is a personal interest I have in the Tennessee football program. I come from a small town in central California, and my old high school’s quarterback is named Tyler Bray. Not only did he lead his school to the section title this season, but he became an elite-level recruit, finally landing at - you guessed it - Tennesee. In fact, he skipped his last semester of high school (where he was also a star basketball player) so he could graduate early and enroll at Tennessee to take part in spring football.

Well, now he’s stuck at Tennessee after the coach who sold him on the tradition and pride of Volunteer football caught a quick flight out of Knoxville for the bright lights of Los Angeles as soon as the plane could leave. Who knows who his coach will be next year (David Cutcliffe? Skip Holtz? Phil Fulmer?) and who knows what shape the program will be in. But unlike Kiffin, he can’t just go looking for the best offer. He’s either stuck eating a year of eligibility to transfer or hope that the new coach is as enamored of his talents as Kiffin was.

And that’s what sticks in my craw about the whole situation. As I wrote yesterday, I was getting tired of the creeping arrogance and smugness in the USC program. Now they’ve brought in a coach who takes all of those elements to another level. Tennessee fans had developed a love/hate relationship with Kiffin in just one year. He certainly wasn’t the genial Southern gentleman fans had become accustomed to in Knoxville. Much like a young Steve Spurrier, he wasn’t afraid to make bold statements and rub opponents the wrong way.

And he wasn’t afraid to play fast and loose with recruiting rules, which had already brought him under the crosshairs of the NCAA in his only season at Tennessee. Which makes him a curious choice for a program with the Reggie Bush situation lingering over its head and a basketball program already having self-imposed major sanctions for all manner of shenanigans. The NCAA might as well save some money by purchasing a condo for the rotating team of investigators who will be watching USC over the next few years rather than get hotel rooms over and over again.

Will it work on the field? It certainly could - Kiffin and Ed Orgeron are a formidable recruiting team, and we all know about Norm Chow’s ability as a coordinator. But if you’re a USC fan, are you really in love with the hire? Does it fill you with Trojan pride or a lingering feeling of dread. I remember having the same feeling when Tim Floyd was brought on to coach the USC basketball team, and we all know how that turned out.

That being said, I’d like to be the first to officially welcome Lane Kiffin’s wife Layla back to Los Angeles. If you are interested in making Your Face is a Sports Blog the site for your first interview as the First Lady of USC, just call me.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Can Lane Kiffin Fill Pete Carroll's Massive Shoes at USC? (bleacherreport.com)
• Kiffin Leaves Tennessee for USC (nytimes.com)
• USC hires Kiffin to replace Carroll (nbcsports.msnbc.com)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:28 PM 0 comments  

Coming To Terms With Not Caring About Pete Carroll

Up until today, I’ve been hesitant to write anything about Pete Carroll’s departure from USC to become the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks. This might be surprising to a lot of you who know me as a USC grad and proud Trojan. But my reluctance to put pen to paper about this story has nothing to do with any inability to come to terms with Carroll leaving USC, or a lack of ability to separate the animalistic nature of my fandom from my ability to provide in-depth, thoughtful analysis of the situation. No, the answer is far more insidious and something I’ve had trouble coming to terms with since the story first broke: I honestly don’t care anymore.


What was troubling for me in admitting to this fact is that saying that you don’t care that your team is losing a coaching icon seems a lot like saying that you don’t care about that team anymore. And while that isn’t true in the larger context, it is true in the short term. I went to one home game this year (and it was against Washington State, so that barely counts as a game) and I found a lot more reasons this year to catch games on Tivo rather than live. Taking the daughter to the zoo? Catch the game on Tivo. There’s a sprint car race 50 miles away? I can watch the game on Tivo later. Need to do grocery shopping? Kickball practice? Toenail degrouting? Tivo, Tivo, Tivo!

It would be easy to assume that I’m a fair-weather fan, and that my waning interest in the team was a product of the team’s relatively poor showing this year. But let me remind everyone that I went to school during the final years of John Robinson II (aka the Phoning It In Years) and the beginning of the era of He Who Shall Not Be Named (Paul Hackett). I saw some of the worst football imaginable, featuring indifferent or clueless coaches creating ill-advised game plans that were executed by overhyped, outmatched players. And yet those are some of my favorite memories of USC football.

So what’s the problem? Part of it is that I couldn’t stand the annual rite of one or two losses to far inferior opponents every year. They had different names: Oregon State, Stanford, Oregon, Washington, but the pattern would play out the same - USC would find a way to sleepwalk through three quarters before being forced to launch a furious rally that would fall short. And then at the end of the season, I’d have to hear other USC fans overload the airwaves, complaining about how if there was a playoff, USC would win the national title because they were playing better than anyone.

Teams lose to lesser competition - this is why football, especially college football, is so interesting. But no team has made such a habit of it as USC did under Pete Carroll. There were always excuses - calls that didn’t go USC’s way, star players being out - but at the end of the day, it always came down to not being ready to play and not being disciplined enough to execute.

USC probably avoided a lot more losses through much of Pete Carroll’s tenure at USC because of one thing - the coaching staff’s ability to make adjustments during the game. USC came out flat more often than not under Pete Carroll, but they were also (in the team’s heyday) as good of a second-half team as any recent football squad. A team could have a double-digit lead at halftime, and the only question would be how many minutes into the second half would it be before USC had taken the lead. And if USC led at the half? Forget it.

But this stopped happening the last couple of season, culminating in the 2009 season, which was a coaching disaster. I’ll have to go back to the dark days of Paul Hackett to remember a team that was so unconcerned about making changes at halftime. Either the coaching staff ran out of ideas about halfway through the season or they kept clinging onto the cute but ultimately wrong-headed notion that they didn’t need to make changes since USC had better players and would eventually smother the other team with talent, speed, power, aggression and attitude.

My indifference to Pete Carroll isn’t about individual choices (starting Matt Barkley as a true freshman, not being able to ever decide on one running back); it’s more about the attitude he fostered. There’s a line between “loose” and “rudderless,” and the team seemed to fall over the waterfall to the latter this season. Mental mistakes, dumb penalties, inattention to detail - these were the hallmarks of USC football the last couple of years. And if you want to credit Pete Carroll for shape the team’s attitude when things were going well, you also have to lay the blame on him when the attitude was clearly part of the team’s lack of success.

Here’s the thing: it was something special to be a Trojan fan during Pete Carroll’s tenure at USC. The highlight of my time as a student was beating a far-overmatched Northwestern team in one of the least compelling Rose Bowls in history. Since Pete Carroll came to USC, the level of achievement has reached unprecedented levels. And no amount of sour grapes or feelings of abandonment can change that.

But everyone knew Pete Carroll would leave for the NFL someday; it was just a matter of when. And the Seattle Seahawks job is about as good of a deal as he’s going to get: a healthy salary to stay on the West Coast, and a chance to be heavily involved in the front office (Seattle may be forced to hire a separate GM thanks to how badly they boned things in relation to the Rooney Rule, but I think we all know any GM who is hired is second banana to Coach Carroll). Plus, Seattle has enough defensive talent that they can compete next year in a weak NFC West.

So the inevitable has happened. The only question now is: what’s next. I have to assume that Mike Garrett is only nominally involved in the coaching search at this point, since he’s clearly a dead man walking at USC, waiting for the new school president to come in later this year and send him off to pasture with a fat “retirement” package. Whether USC hires Jack Del Rio, Jeff Fisher or someone else, it won’t be the same as it was under Pete Carroll - ever again. And I’m OK with that. It was an amazing run, but I was ready to move on, and I’m glad Coach Carroll was as well.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Curious Index, 1/11/2010 (everydayshouldbesaturday.com)
• Report: Oregon State to offer Mike Riley lifetime contract to remain at school (sports.espn.go.com)
• Carroll takes Trojans' horse with him into NFL sunset (cbssports.com)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:22 PM 2 comments  

USC: Epic Fail

This is what the perspective of having a kid does for you. A couple of years ago, I would have tried to punch out a wall if USC had an epic failure like last night against Oregon St. At the very least, I would have drank enough during and after the game to think that the wall was getting lippy with me, and totally had it coming.

But I didn't get mad. Hell, I didn't even watch the second half: I was so disgusted about the game that I went out to get pizza with the family and some friends, listening to the game on radio in spurts. I also hoped that by not watching, I could change the team's luck around somehow, because I am a weak and stupid man who falls back on superstition when things aren't going well.

The thing is, it's more than just a better perspective on life that's making me feel "meh" about the loss. It's getting to the point that this is just what I expect from USC at some point during the season: a jaw-droppingly bad loss against a team that the Trojans should throttle. It what the team does.

As I mentioned in my Speed Read post at SPORTS by BROOKS earlier today, this is all on Pete Carroll, If any other coach had his track record of failing against lesser teams, there would be a lot more criticism than whatever Teflon Pete is going to get. And he should get a lot of heat: after Stanford last season, there's no excuse for a USC team to ever overlook an opponent - and that's exactly what happened.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:42 AM 0 comments  

USC CB suspended for six weeks for arrest, out six weeks with injury

LOS ANGELES - USC head football coach Pete Carroll today announced that starting cornerback Shareece Wright would be suspended for six games following his arrest over Labor Day weekend for resisting a police officer. Carroll also said that a hairline fracture of Wright's vertebrae would sideline him for six weeks.

"I know people were criticizing us for letting Shareece play against Ohio State after this information came to light, but like we said, we wanted to gather all the information before we made a decision," Carroll said. "We didn't want to rush toi judgement, so we made sure we talked to his lawyers, reviewed all the court records, had the trainers review his MRIs and get a second opinion from an orthopedic specialist."

Carroll denied that the timing and length of Wright's suspension had anything to do with his injury, calling that "one of those weird coincidences." However, he did note that Wright could have his suspension lifted earlier, depending on the results of his court case, or how well he responds to treatment.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:45 AM 1 comments  

Chow: UCLA hire has nothing to do with burning, passionate hatred for Carroll

New UCLA offensive coordinator Norm Chow said today that his decision to return to the college coaching ranks after having been an assistant with the NFL's Baltimore Ravens was all about opportunity, and certainly has nothing to do with a burning, passionate hatred for USC head coach Pete Carroll that has built up since he left the Trojans in 2004.

"Nope. This is just a good chance to do something I like somewhere I'm comfortable," Chow said. "I don't have any bitterness or anger over how horribly I was treated at USC, or how ungrateful Coach Carroll was for everything I did for the team. Certainly, I want us to beat USC, but this isn't any sort of all-encompassing, consuming desire to crush USC that is going to take over every aspect of my life. Nothing like that at all."

Chow insisted that despite reports of tension between him and Carroll over control of USC's offense and credit for the Trojans' run of success, he and his former boss had a good relationship.

"It will be good to see him before the game next year," Chow said. "Or after the game, crying. We're still good friends - friends who don't ever talk to each other, and who want to se the other person crushed and destroyed, with their lifelong dreams and ambitions shattered like fine china in an earthquake. That kind of friend."

Chow denied reports that he was the voice behind an anonymous phone message to NCAA investigators saying the the caller "knew where all of USC's skeletons are buried," and that they could meet "in the corner booth of Lamonica's Pizza on Westwood Blvd." if they wanted more information.

Chow also disputed rumors that it would be difficult to work under new UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel, who got the UCLA job after Chow had previously interviewed for it.

"You know, these things happen, and I'm happy to be working under Rick, plus I still have plenty of time in my career to get that first head coaching break," said Chow, 61. "In fact, I like to pick up coffee from Starbucks every morning for Coach Neuheisel. He likes the Hazelnut Latte, which is great since the strong taste should mask the taste of oleander when the time comes. So yeah, I think I'll be a head coach, at least in an emergency, interim capacity, very soon."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:37 AM 0 comments  

Ken Norton Jr. Breaks Bruin Hearts Again

You know Ken Norton, Jr. All-American linebacker at UCLA. The only player in NFL history to play on three consecutive Super Bowl-winning teams. Wanted to coach at his alma mater after his playing career but was told by Karl Dorrell that there was no room on the staff, he decided to take a job with his former defensive coordinator Pete Carroll at USC. Is now the linebackers coach for the Trojans, a squad that makes it their mission to destroy UCLA offensive players on a yearly basis, almost like someone had something to prove or an axe to grind.

Well, Rick Neuheisel decided to try and make a "big splash" by convincing Norton to come back to UCLA in the same position. And, just like you would think would happen, Norton listened and waited long enough to get Bruins' hopes up, before driving a stake through their hearts by announcing that he's not leaving USC after all.

At least Norm Chow is now available after he received his pink slip from the Titans today. (I found it interesting to read about his firing in the LA Times one day after they said he wasn't a serious candidate at UCLA because he had "just signed a contract extension." Am I missing something here?) Bringing him back as offensive coordinator to compete against Carroll, whom he had a "frosty" relationship with, could be one way to needle USC a bit. Then again, Chow is under the perpetual notion that he's just one interview away from becoming a head coach somewhere, when in fact Chow Yun Fat has a better chance of becoming a head football coach than Norm Chow.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:16 PM 0 comments  

Carroll Seriously Considering Blackmailing Garrett for Annual Pay Raise

LOS ANGELES - Sources close to Pete Carroll said today that after discussions with Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank about his team's head coaching vacancy, the USC Trojans head football coach is "seriously considering" receiving another lucrative pay raise from USC athletic director Mike Garrett.

"He's very close to making it known to athletic department officials that he's seriously considering leaving for the NFL," said the source. "Obviously, it's been a dream of his to return to the NFL. It's hard to put a price on that, although I'm sure that another million dollars or so a year from USC might be about right."

Garrett, who has given Carroll several contract extensions after the coach has flirted with several NFL teams in recent years, responded to the reports.

"I mean, he wouldn't leave here for Atlanta, right?," Garrett said in a brief interview while chainsmoking half a pack of Kools. "I mean, that place is a mess, right? And this is the best atmosphere in the country. He'd be crazy to leave. I know they're offering him total control, but he has that here. Why go back to the NFL!?!"

Garrett then alternated between manically laughing and violent weeping for several minutes before excusing himself to "make an emergency phone call."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 8:40 PM 1 comments  

My Christmas Gift to the UCLA Bruins

Now, you might expect me to be the last person to give UCLA advice on how to conduct a head coaching search. You would think that as a loyal USC alum, the last thing I would do is help out my rival. That I would just chuckle at the fact that the head coach of Boise St. would rather stay there than come to coach at UCLA, meaning that somehow the Broncos job is now more prestigious than the Bruins job.

And normally yes, I would. But in the car this evening, I had a flash about who would be the perfect hire for UCLA. The head coaching candidate that would send some shock waves through college football and actually scare the living crap out of USC. It's such a good idea that I have to share it, even if it means that I am betraying my school.

UCLA should go after and hire Jim Harbaugh.

Think about it. If you want to send a message to USC that you mean business, what better way than to bring in the guy who beat them this season at Stanford and pulled off one of the biggest upsets in sports history. Pete Carroll might seem unflappable, but if UCLA were to hire Jim Harbaugh, I promise you that even Coach Carroll would have his pulse rate go up a few ticks immediately.

It's not going to happen. But it should. And it would be AWESOME if it did.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:08 AM 1 comments  

USC Mulls Move to Oakland Coliseum

LOS ANGELES - In a surprising twist to an ongoing saga, University of Southern California officials today announced that they are considering moving home games to Oakland beginning next season. The university had originally discussed moving to the nearby Rose Bowl after talks with the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum stalled. However, school officials are now considering a radical plan to play home games at the Oakland Coliseum.

"After evaluating our options, we think this provides us with the best solution going forward," said Todd R. Dickey, USC's senior vice president for administration. "Although it will add an additional commute for our alumni and students, we think that with the loyalty of our fan base, we'll have little trouble selling out most games. Plus, all of our letterhead already says 'The Coliseum' on it, so this is going to save us thousands of dollars a year."

Under a university plan, shuttle buses would take fans and students to and from campus and the Oakland Coliseum. This will mean that fans will need to arrive no later than 3 a.m. for a 12:30 p.m. kickoff. University officials said that studies showed this would be comparable to the wait times for parking at the Rose Bowl.

"The 'Weekender' trip for our fans to the Bay Area schools is always a highlight of the football season," said Dickey. "This plan brings the fun and excitement of a Weekender to every home USC football game."

USC head coach Pete Carroll briefly discussed the plan after today's practice in preparation for their Rivalry Week game against UCLA. He said he wouldn't treat the 1,000 round-trip distance of their home stadium as a disadvantage.

"If that's what happens, then it's a great opportunity for us to get out there and show what we can do to a new audience," Carroll said. "It's what we do as a program, take advantage of what's put in front of us. It's something to look forward to. We'll build on it and go from there. We're all excited about it."

Carroll then headed off to his Heritage Hall office, muttering positive mantras to himself the entire way.

Reaction in the Bay Area was mixed. Some fans thought that Bay Area sports fans would not embrace a team moving from Southern California.

"By great Lucifer's ghost, moving a team from Los Angeles to here would never work!," said A. Davis, an elderly man found eating a Senior Slam at an Oakland area Denny's. "Next, there will be flying automobiles, and phones that tell you the scores of football game. And toasters that can steal your soul! From Irwindale, that's where salvation is from these foul howler monkeys. Irwindale!!!"

Davis rambled for a few minutes, then fell asleep in his grits.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:04 PM 0 comments  

Red Sox Nation Smugness Level Classified as "Phil Jackson" After Game 1 Win

WASHINGTON, DC - At a press conference this morning, US Department of Smugness Awareness Director Keith Olbermann declared that the smugness level of Red Sox Nation had been officially raised to "Phil Jackson" after their team's 13-1 rout of the Colorado Rockies in Game 1 of the World Series.

"I want to assure the public that we are monitoring the situation, but make no mistake: this is a high level of smugness," Olbermann said. "We'll be monitoring the situation day-to-day. But then again, aren't we all day-to-day?"

The press conference then ground to a halt for several minutes as Olbermann smirked for the cameras before continuing.

"What we're talking about is some of the highest levels of sports fan arrogance that we've seen in year," Olbermann said. "This isn't just any Phil Jackson level, either - we're talking Phil Jackson in 2002 after winning his second title with the Lakers smug."

Olbermann said that regular citizens should go about their daily lives, but be vigilant and look out for warning signs of advanced smugness amongst Red Sox fans:

- Constant references to how "they" played last night.
- Repeatedly asking strangers how they thought the Rockies pitching staff stood a chance. against the Red Sox's unprecedented offensive onslaught.
- Asking to be referred to by co-workers and friends as "Big Papi".
- Overturning cars "for practice" for the celebration after the series is over.

Olbermann concluded by stating that his department would be monitoring the World Series for further developments. He said that it would be likely that Red Sox Nation's smugness level would be raised to Charlie Weis if the team won the World Series. However, he refused to answer questions relating to rumors that the department would have to create a new, unheard of "Dennis Miller" level if the Red Sox won in a sweep.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:58 AM 2 comments