WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CA – While watching the memorial service for Steve McNair on Thursday, Kyle Boller asked several friends at his home in suburban Los Angeles if they thought ESPN would offer live coverage of his funeral if he died under shocking circumstances.
“I don’t mean suicide or anything like that, but maybe if I was shot in some sort of home invasion robbery,” said Boller to several people gathered in his game room. “Or maybe in a botched hold-up at a 7-11 late one night after I made a run to pick up a Slurpee for my wife. Yeah, that would probably do it!”
Boller, was drafted in the first round by Baltimore Ravens in 2003, but was considered a bust and eventually lost his starting job to McNair. He is currently competing for a job as a back-up with the St. Louis Rams.
“I’m not saying I want to die or anything like that, but I’m just wondering what would happen,” said Boller. “They’d probably carry the funeral live in Baltimore, right? Definitely in Berkeley, though.”
Friends who were gathered at Boller’s house were surprised and confused by his comments.
“We were sitting around with McNair’s memorial service on, and he just came out of nowhere with this,” said John McNamara, a high school teammate of Boller’s. “At first I thought he was joking, but he kept bringing it up the rest of the day. It was creepy.”
While at lunch with his friends at a nearby Arby’s, Boller mentioned that he thought about joining the Army “like Pat Tillman” and later asked if anyone was interested in watching “Brian’s Song.”
“I didn’t have the heart to tell him that no matter what, they wouldn’t show his funeral on ESPN,” McNamara said. “Maybe the Los Angeles Daily News would put it on their front page if he did something heroic, like save the President’s life by stopping a terrorist plot, but that’s about it.”
Jul 10, 2009
Kyle Boller wonders if ESPN would cover his funeral like they did with Steve McNair
Jun 8, 2008
Dear ESPN Euro 2008 Studio Host...
In soccer, they are called "goalkeepers" - you use the term "goaltenders" in hockey. Also, when you throw to the announce team that is going to call the US vs. Argentina friendly, the color guy's name is pronounced "Harks" - the "e" is silent. Since he's a US Soccer Hall of Famer and the network's lead soccer analyst, you might want to get that straight.
Hope this helps,
The Duke
P.S. Just as a good rule of thumb - when you are talking, take a look at Andy Gray - he's the Scottish guy sitting to your left that seems to actually know a lot about the sport...no, not the chick - that's Julie Foudy. Anyway, if he is clutching his pencil like he wants to use it as a weapon to jam into your windpipe to shut you up, you probably are off on the wrong track.
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Labels: ESPN, European Championships, soccer
Feb 28, 2008
You're With Me, Sweater
Is there anything better than ESPN signing Bob Knight to be part of their NCAA tournament coverage? No, no there isn't. You might remember that ESPN is where Coach Knight went for his one interview after getting fired from Indiana. It didn't go to well, as he wound up getting into a pissing match with interviewer Jeremy Schaap and storming off the set.
There's really no end to the things that ESPN could have Coach Knight do. For example, have him replace Erin Andrews courtside during interviews for conference tournament week and have him demand to get felt up by Bruce Pearl. Or, put him on the other side of those NCAA tournament press conferences and get yelled at by some testy coach for asking a dumb question.
Or, he could just chase Hubert Davis around the studio with a bullwhip. That would be entertaining.
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Labels: Bob Knight, ESPN
Jan 25, 2008
Dana Jacobson Signs Endorsement Deal with Absolut

See. Just because you made a fool of yourself at a roast, offending millions of Catholics and ESPN along the way, doesn't mean that you can't recover and, in fact, thrive. You go girl!
Actually, if Dana Jacobson had received an endorsement deal out of everything, I'm sure it would be for "ESPN the Vodka" or some other similarly-branded nonsense.
"THIS IS THE ALCOHOLIC SPIRIT THAT I ENJOY DRINKING WHEN I AM RELAXING AT HOME ON MY BARCALOUNGER EATING CHEEZ DOODLES, THE MOST IMPORTANT AND RELEVANT SNACK OF OUR GENERATION!" - Stephen A. Smith, ESPN personality and noted food & wine expert.
(Photo credit: Icon Sports Media via The Big Lead)
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Labels: cheez doodles, Dana Jacobson, ESPN, Mike and Mike, roast, Stephen A Smith, vodka
Jan 23, 2008
Proof of a Higher Power: Rusty Wallace Out, Dale Jarrett as Lead NASCAR Analyst on ESPN
NASCAR fans rarely agree on anything (Bud or Coors? Chevy or Ford? Skoal or Red Man?). But one thing that pretty much everyone agreed on last season was that ESPN's first year back covering NASCAR was kind of a mess. And a big problem was lead analyst Rusty Wallace, who seemed to mean well but also seemed to be hopelessly overmatched in the booth, which unfortunately lead to a reaction where he decided that if he talked all the time, non-stop, throughout the broadcast, you wouldn't notice that he actually wasn't saying much of anything. Volume over substance.
Well, ESPN finally pulled the plug on Rusty. Sort of. Dale Jarrett is going to be the lead NASCAR analyst next season, while Rusty moves over to become the lead analyst for ESPN studio programs. Dale is again following in his father Ned's footsteps, as the senior Jarrett was a longtime (although somewhat subdued) analyst for ESPN and CBS. And Dale was pretty good in his part-time role last season on Nationwide (Busch) Series races - certainly, he added when he could. and stayed out of the way when he didn't have anything to contribute.
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Labels: Dale Jarrett, ESPN, NASCAR, Rusty Wallace
Jan 3, 2008
Paul Maguire Stranded on Camera Crane Following Peach Bowl
ATLANTA – Embarrassed ESPN officials admitted on Thursday morning that analyst Paul Maguire had been abandoned on his end-zone camera boom position at the Georgia Dome since Monday night’s Peach Bowl broadcast, but stressed that a rescue effort was currently underway.For the past several seasons, Maguire has acted as a third analyst on national broadcasts on ESPN and ABC. While Brad Nessler and Bob Griese work in the press box, Maguire is positioned on a giant camera boom behind one end zone, giving him what ESPN officials called a "unique perspective" on the game.
"While we would love for all of our broadcasts to perfect, anyone in the industry knows that this just isn't possible," said ESPN Executive Senior Vice President of Studio and Event Production Norby Williamson. "Unfortunately, there were a serious of mistakes and situations that led to Paul remaining on his broadcast post for an extended period of time."
Williamson said that several factors were involved. The responsibility for removing Maguire from his camera crane position usually falls on production assistant Scott "Scooter" Jones, but he missed the Peach Bowl to attend to the birth of his first child. The replacement production assistant who put Maguire onto his post had been called away on other production duties, but had failed to re-assign the job of lowering Maguire from the 15-foot tall crane.
"The fact that it was New Year's Eve didn't help matters," Williamson said. "A lot of the crew wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, especially since the game had run into overtime. There were apparently some pretty 'bumpin' parties down in the Buckethead District, and our crew wanted to enjoy their evening. Somehow in the rush, no one thought to get Paul down."
Further complicating matters was the fact that Griese, designated as Maguire's "travel buddy", was apparently in no condition to assist after the game.
"We usually assign Bob to help make sure that Paul gets to the airport OK and doesn't get confused in a new city and become hopelessly lost again," Williamson said. "But to tell you the truth, Bob's been hitting the bottle pretty good since the Patriots won their last game and matched Bob's 1972 Dolphin team for a perfect record. When we were packing up and ready to leave 45 minutes after sign-pff, Bob had already gotten into the rye, and you know him and the rye."
It is believed that Macguire, 69, fell asleep after the final play of the game, and did not wake up until the next morning. He was found by a crew late Wednesday night coming into the Georgia Dome to set up for an upcoming Miley Cyrus concert. Maguire was reported to be in fair condition, although he requested a Tab soda and some Cream of Wheat after not having eaten or drank for almost 48 hours.
Initial attempts to remove Maguire from the crane were unsuccessful, as workers' attempts to shout instructions to Maguire on how to work the crane controls located on an armrest right next to him were hampered my Maguire's poor hearing and his, in the words of one rescue worker, "complete inability to work anything electronic that is more complicated than a toaster."
"I sensed that something was wrong on the shuttle back to the hotel," said Nessler. "Something didn't smell right - and I'm not just talking about Griese and his rye. Some smell was missing. Looking back now, it was the Old Man smell that Paul has. It's overpowering - like burnt coffee, Vicks and mothballs. Frankly, that's the reason he's out in the end zone instead of in the booth with us."
This marks the worst incident of a broadcaster being left behind after an assignment since Jim McKay was stranded in Austria following a broadcast of a Formula 1 race on ABC's Wide World of Sports in 1975 and was forced to eat color commentator Jackie Stewart to survive.
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Labels: broadcasting, college football, ESPN, Norby, Paul Maguire, Peach Bowl
Dec 11, 2007
YouTubeness: The Glory Days of NASCAR on ESPN (1981-1991)
I grew up loving NASCAR. I would watch every race I could as a kid, usually on ESPN. And this might surprise you if you've watched the current coverage of NASCAR on ESPN/ABC...but it was incredible coverage. You had Bob Jenkins with the play-by-play, and some combination of Benny Parsons, Ned Jarrett and Larry Nuber on color commentary.
What made it so special? The broadcast was actually about the racing, and not the 80,000 other things that make up a NASCAR telecast these days. I promise you that ESPN didn't miss a restart or the leader taking the checkered flag back in my time.
Plus, the racing was just better. The drivers weren't media polished and fresh-scrubbed: they were racers, and even the most gentile ones weren't afraid to drive someone off the road if they needed to. Earnhardt, Waltrip, Allison, Yarborough, Petty...you could smell the tobacco and gas fumes on these guys.
If you want to know what I'm talking about, and see what NASCAR really used to be about, join me on a YouTube trip down memory lane, as we watch a special that ESPN created for its 10th anniversary of covering NASCAR races back in 1991. It's in several pieces, so I've added the videos below.
(Note: Because Blogger is ridiculous and makes it impossible to make a jump/cut without screwing up your whole blog, I've just added the videos below rather than a nice, tidy jump cut like I would have wanted...)
Part 1 (Includes: Bobby Allison's Talladega crash in 1987 that lead to restrictor plates; Bill Elliot's Winston Million in 1985)
Part 2 (Includes first career wins of Dale Jarrett, Davey Allison, Rusty Wallace, Ernie Irvan, Mark Martin and Alan Kulwicki)
Part 3 (Includes: A look at Super Speedways, Short Tracks and Road Courses; Winston Cup clinching moments of Earnhardt, Elliot and Wallace; a boring interview with Brett Bodine)
Part 4 (Includes: a look at ESPN's technical innovations in covering NASCAR; the "stolen pace car" incident from the Talladega 500 in 1986; Rusty Wallace's practice crash at Bristol in 1988; Buffet Benny)
Part 5 (A look at big crashes, including: Michael Watrip (Bristol, 1990); Darrell Waltrip (Pepsi 400, 1991); 1990 Daytona 400 (1st lap melee); Mark Martin (Sears Point 1989 and Daytona 1989)
Part 6 (Fantastic Finishes including: Talladega 1986 (B. Allison/Earnhardt); North Wilkesboro 1989 (Rudd/Earnhardt/G. Bodine); Bristol 1990 (D. Allison/Martin) and Victory Lane interviews with Lake Speed and Darrell Waltrip)
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Labels: Bill Elliot, Bobby Allison, Cale Yarborough, Dale Earnhardt, Dale Jarrett, Darrell Waltrip, Davey Allison, Ernie Irvan, ESPN, Mark Martin, NASCAR, YouTube
Bowl Game Projections: A Brief Bit of Bragging
As you may have noticed, I've pretty much bit the bag this season with my handicapping (as has my partner in crime), to the point that I've finally waived the white flag on the whole thing. So please indulge me as I brag about some predictions that I made earlier that have now come true. Thanks for the patience in advance.
Ahem.
You might remember a few weeks ago, with a couple of weeks to go in the college football season, that I gave a prediction on who was going to be playing where for every bowl game this season. Now the the regular season is complete and the match-ups are set, I went back to look and see how I did. Much to my amazement, I was pretty frickin' good:
Total Bowl Games: 32
Correctly Picked Both Teams: 15
Correctly Picked One Team: 15
Correctly Picked No Teams: 2
So, I had an almost 50 percent success rate at predict the exact match-up that was going to be taking place in the bowls. Keep in mind, this was on Nov. 26, before the chaos and confusion of the final week of games.
How good was that? I decided to go back and look at the bowl projections of the "experts" that had been made around the same time. The experts I found were: CFN.com, ESPN.com (Ivan Maisel and Mark Schlabach), CNNSI.com (Stewart Mandel) and MSNBC.com (Mike Woods). CBS Sportsline hasn't made their Week-by-Week projections available as far as I can see.
How did I stack up? I'll let you be the judge:
YOUR FACE IS A SPORTS BLOG
Both: 15
One: 15
None: 2
Pct. of Teams Correctly Placed: 70.3%
CNN/SI (Stewart Mandel)
Both: 15
One: 14
None: 3
Pct. of Teams Correctly Placed: 68.8%
ESPN (Mark Schlabach)
Both: 9
One: 21
None: 2
Pct. of Teams Correctly Placed: 60.9%
ESPN (Ivan Masiel)
Both: 10
One: 15
None: 7
Pct. of Teams Correctly Placed: 54.7%
MSNBC (Mark Woods)
Both: 8
One: 18
None: 6
Pct. of Teams Correctly Placed: 53.1%
CFN*
Both: 5
One: 15
None: 12
Pct. of Teams Correctly Placed: 39.1%
(*CFN stopped doing a projection the week before everyone else, forcing me to use one that was a week earlier. That's what you get for not working over the Thanksgiving holiday, I guess.)
Again, let's review:
ME: No. 1. EXPERTS: Nos. 2-6
Stewart Mandel and I were very close, and Mark Schlabach was the only other person to completely miss on only two bowl games. As for the rest...even with the one-week handicap, the CFN projections are a mess. Part of this is because they insisted on placing Boise St. into a BCS game, when they basically had no shot even if they had beaten Hawaii. I'll give Ivan Maisel some credit for being the only person to predict that Kansas would go to a BCS bowl instead of Missouri, which was either a bold prediction, or a careless one that turned out to be right.
What were the two I missed out on?
The Humanitarian Bowl: The big issue here is that I assumed that the bowl would select Boise St. as a natural fit to play a bowl game in Boise in order to assure a sell-out. I didn't count on the Hawaii Bowl swooping in to steal Boise St. away, leaving Fresno St. with a consolation trip to Idaho in December instead (albeit against a higher-profile opponent).
The Emerald Bowl: Again, same concept - I assumed that the bowl game based in San Francisco would wind up with Cal. However, I didn't count on Cal losing to Stanford, and basically making it real tough for the bowl to select them at 6-6 ahead of 8-4 Oregon St.
Much like a South Florida beating an Auburn, this is the type of win that builds credibility. I figure that I can make horrible predictions for the rest of the season now and I can point back to this as proof that sometimes, I get lucky.
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Labels: bowl games, CFN, CNN/SI, ESPN, Ivan Maisel, Mark Schlabach, MSNBC, projections, Stewart Mandel