I wish I could say I was doing this because I had five particularly great NFL picks. The honest truth is that there has been a bad virus running through The Duke's family, and this is my first chance to make picks. No explanations, just picks...
- Cincinnati (-3) vs. Arizona
- Oakland (+4.5) at Minnesota
- Tampa Bay (-3) at Atlanta
- Detroit (-2.5) vs. NY Giants
- Buffalo (+16) vs. New England
If you haven't heard yet, Barry Bonds has been indicted by a federal grand jury on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. If convicted, he could face up to 30 years in jail.
I haven't had time to digest this yet, so bear with me before I give you my ill-informed hard-hitting opinions on everything. Although I would like to point out that I find it interesting that President Bush issued a statement that he was "very disappointed to hear this". This from the same guy whose Texas Rangers, while he was managing partner, traded for Jose Canseco, and also had Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro on the roster.
Mainly this is friendly warning to avoid ESPN for at least the next 48 hours as I'm sure they are on "BREAKING NEWS RED ALERT CRITICAL MASS" level with their coverage right about now.
Note: Maybe Bonds should take a closer look at that contract offer from the Washington Wild Things of the independent Frontier League. It might be as good as it gets next season.
Keeping you informed of the worst sports viewing choices possible (all times Pacific):
CLEVELAND - Immediately after Cleveland hurler C.C. Sabathia was named AL Cy Young winner this afternoon, Indians team officials held a press conference to express their sentiments over their pitcher's recognition. Even though their words conveyed excitement over the honor, their tone and actions left many reporters questioning the veracity of their statements.
Sabathia was named AL Cy Young winner over Boston Red Sox ace Josh Beckett. Cy Young voting occurs before the post-season begins, which might have been lucky for Sabathia. He was 1-2 with an 8.80 ERA in four post-season starts for the Indians before they were knocked out of the playoffs by the Red Sox. Meanwhile, Beckett was stellar in the playoffs, going 4-0 with a 1.20 ERA.
"Yeah, C.C. really showed what a 'big game' pitcher he was this season," said Indians GM Mark Shaprio, using "air quotes" the first of several times during the press conference. "You could say that, in a sense, there is no way our seasons could have ended the way it did with his 'performance' when it mattered most."
Cleveland manager Eric Wedge deflected a question on whether he would trade Sabathia for Beckett if he could.
"Oh, of course not," Wedge said. "Why would I want to switch out a guy who is great in the regular season for one of the best post-season pitchers in history? It's all about what you accomplish in the regular season against teams like Tampa Bay, Baltimore and Kansas City that counts, right?"
Wedge then concluded by making a stroking motion with his right hand near his crotch that appeared to mimic masturbation while rolling his eyes and making a "raspberry" with his mouth.
It's winter, so that means that there will be plenty of ski accidents to watch on YouTube. Am I sick because I like watching helpless skiers go sailing out of control at 80 mph, slamming their bodies into the ground and being thrown around like a rag doll in the dryer? Probably, but I guess I am what I am.
Here's a little compilation of skiing crashes to get you ready. Does it have Euros crashing on a downhill run and knocking themselves silly? Check. Song by Against Me? Check. Created on Windows MovieMaker? Check.
The best part are those flimsy, orange barriers. It always seems like going through five or six of those at top speed and having your limbs rendered by them hurts more than if they just weren't there. Unless there's, you know, a tree there or something.
One of the college football scores outside of the Top 25 that caught my eye was this one: Nebraska 73, Kansas State 31. Of course, any team winning by that large of a margin is pretty eye-catching. But when you consider that Nebraska was bouncing back from a 76-39 loss to Kansas the week before, it's pretty amazing.
How amazing? I did some research to find out. (Thanks to the College Football Data Warehouse, which is pretty indispensable at this point.) No NCAA Division I team has ever scored 70+ points and given up 70+ points in back-to-back weeks. In fact, according to my research, only seven teams have ever pulled that feat in a single season, and only two since 1950:
Texas A&M (2003): 73-10 vs. Baylor (10/11), 0-77 @ Oklahoma (11/8)
BYU (2001): 70-35 vs. Tulane (8/25), 45-72 @ Hawaii (12/8)
Hawaii (1949): 98-7 vs. Islanders (10/28) and 76-6 vs, Leilehua HS (11/11), 0-75 vs. Pacific (12/16)
Louisville (1928): 72-0 vs. Eastern Kentucky (10/6), 70-0 vs. Tennessee-Chattanooga (10/20)
Louisiana-Lafayette (1918): 107-6 vs. Patterson HS (???), 0-74 vs. Tulane (11/28)
Ohio (1916): 89-3 vs. Wittenberg (???), 0-73 vs. Syracuse (10/7)
Cal (1915): 81-6 vs. Nevada (11/20), 0-72 vs. Washington (11/6)
So as Bill Callahan packs his bags and calls the Realtor this week, at least he can do so knowing that his team was historically schizo this season. Which I'm sure he'll have a lot of time to reflect on.
After this weekend's college football action, I want to personally extend my thanks, on behalf of a grateful nation, to Illinois for knocking off the top-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes. Not only did Illinois prevent a repeat of last year's national title game, where a vastly overrated Ohio State team was destroyed by a far superior, one-loss team (Florida), but we've finally reached the state of total chaos that BCS boosters have dreaded.
Think other years have been controversial and left some people happy. By the time this shakes out, past seasons will look like walks in the park.
First, let's dispel the notion that Oregon was a big winner this week, by moving up to the No. 2 spot (and a temporary place in the BCS title game) despite not playing thanks to Ohio State's loss. Yes, it was helpful to have one less team to jump. However, what the results on Saturday really set up is a bitter disappointment for Duck fans at the end of the regular season.
Why? Take a look at this week's BCS rankings. While the Ducks sit at No. 2, teams No. 3-5 are breathing down their necks. Undefeated Kansas plays one-loss Missouri in a few weeks, with the winner likely taking on one-loss Oklahoma in the Big XII title game. And that's bad, bad news for Oregon. Any number of scenarios exist where Oregon wins out but doesn't make it to the BCS Championship Game:
Helping you make informed decisions about what to miss while you go see the Original Platters play at the Mosegi Palace Hotel and Casino, or whatever old band is playing at your local Indian casino. (All times Pacific.)
Who would have thought that 5-5 after two weeks would be so much better than my colleague, Mr. 2-8. Yikes. A couple of more weeks of .500 picks and I can pretty much wrap this bad boy up. We are the AFC West of sports handicapping, and I am the Chargers.
Michigan St. @ Purdue (-4): Fact A: Michigan St. head coach Mark Dantonio might be losing his mind. Fact B: Although he would never admit it, Purdue head coach Joe Tiller is probably pretty pissed that Mark Mangino is getting all of the "fat coach with a mustache" praise. Fact C: Michigan St. has only covered the spread in nine of their last 29 games. That's good enough for me.
Pick: Purdue (-4)
Fresno St. @ Hawaii (-17): If Hawaii wants any chance of jumping into the Top 12 and securing an automatic BCS title berth, they need to not only keep winning but keep running up the score on people. And I'm not sure if people outside of the Central Valley (my home area) know this or not, but I'll let you in on a little secret: Pat Hill is a very overrated coach. This is precisely the type of game where the Bulldogs don't show up and get killed by 30.
Pick: Hawaii (-17)
Virginia @ Miami (-3.5): Wait, let me get this straight. Virginia is 8-2, and Miami is 5-4 while having played some really, really ugly football. I know it's a home game for Miami and the last at the OB, but THEY AREN'T GOOD AT ALL. I guess Kyle Wright starting instead of Kirby Freeman (he of the 1-14, 3 INT game last week) helps...a little. It's not like Kyle Wright is Johnny Unitas or anything.
Pick: Virginia (+3.5)
Buffalo @ Miami (+2.5): (note: NFL version of Miami and Buffalo, not the NCAA teams.) Teams like the Bills get to be .500 not because they are really all that great, but because they do two things well: they play pretty good defense, and they use that to get close wins against lousy teams with lousier offenses. Hello Dolphins!
Pick: Buffalo (-2.5)
Denver @ Kansas City (-3): You think I'm going to get away from betting against Denver now? So far this season, it's been like a license to print money. Until proven otherwise...
Pick: Kansas City (-3)
