Big Huge Labs has a fun program where you can make your own "Motivational" poster. You know, the one that your cheesy boss has of a rock climber that says something like "Endurance: Having the grit to hang tough"? So I thought, there are certainly some posters that could be made involving athletes in the news.
| Brett Favre: |
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| Danica Patrick: |
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| Kimbo Slice: |
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To recap:
- Carson Palmer went on a Los Angeles radio show and basically ripped into Ohio St. ahead of the Buckeye's game against the Trojans this season, saying among other things that he "cannot stand the Buckeyes" and that he "just can't wait for two years from now when SC comes to the 'Shoe and hopefully we'll have a home game that weekend and I can go up there and watch us pound on them in their own turf." Now, I'm all for school spirit and adding a little bit of healthy bravado into a rivalry. Except for the small fact that Palmer plays professional football in Ohio, and not only are Ohio St. fans pretty, um, rabid, but they are tends to be a lot of overlap between Bengals fans and Buckeyes fans.
I've made a Venn diagram to help explain things:
I hope this helps to clear up any confusion.
Assuming that Carson Palmer knows that in 2008, radio interviews in Los Angeles might make their way back to Cincinnati (and let's not totally assume this - after all, he apparently thought this ad was a good idea), this is not just a stupid interview; it's downright suicidal. It almost feels like he's so sick of playing with an underachieving bunch of felons and thugs in a place he hates, that he's decided to do whatever he can to make himself so hated that the Bengals have no choice but to trade him. And in Ohio, ripping the Buckeyes is a better way to ensure that you are hated than running a sack full of puppies through a wood chipper.
- Danica Patrick and Milka Duno got into a "catfight" at the Mid-Ohio track during a practice session before this weekend's IndyCar race. And by "cat fight" I of course mean "lots of finger wagging, yelling and then someone threw a towel at someone's face." There was no hair-pulling, clothes ripping of any kind, or even a remote hint of scissoring. Which is OK for me - Danica Patrick is kind of a two-face (sometimes looks great, sometimes looks like an angry little man), and Milka Duno looks like if you took Cesar Romero as The Joker from the old Batman TV series and put a set of huge fake cans on him.
Here's the video, if you are into that sort of thing. The set-up is during a practice session, Duno was driving with her usual complete lack of speed. Patrick was behind her and going much faster (and if Danica Patrick is that much faster than you on a road course, you are a terrible driver and should pretty much lose your racing license on the spot), and kept trying to pass her, except that Duno kept cutting her off.
Note the complete lack of interest by the all-male Citgo crew to do anything to stop the escalating tension, other than to make sure they were out of the way of the cameras. These are smart men.
- And finally...about 100 Columbus Crew fans rumbled with a dozen supporters of mid-level English Premier League team West Ham during an exhibition game on Sunday after the West Ham fans came over to the main Crew supporters' section. And who says that America can't embrace "the beautiful game" the way that they do in Europe. First we get Beckham, and now we have thuggish hooligans. Next we need rampant match fixing and corruption, and we'll be right there.
It should be noted that Carson Palmer is already furiously backpedaling from his anti-Ohio State comments. I imagine that he saw highlights of the soccer match and realized that the violent mob was likely heading for him next.
MOTEGI, JAPAN - American men around the world were sent into intense mourning on Sunday with news that Danica Patrick had won her first IRL race at the Indy Japan 500. The win is seen by observers of the sport to have tragic, far-reaching consequences, as it has seemingly stopped a career progression for Patrick that was widely believed to be leading down the inevitable path of a Playboy photo shoot within two seasons.
In the last few years, Danica Patrick has managed to keep herself in the public eye despite being being winless with a series of racy phot shoots for publications such as Sports Illustrated, Maxim and FHM. But her victory on Sunday sent chills through the spines of legions of horny men across the US, who worry that the increased respect and publicity for her driving skills will put a damper on her modeling career.
"Those Sports Illustrated photos were so hot, and the FHM spread - Boner Town," said Geoff Doherty, a frequent reader of popular men's magazines. "With the lengths she was willing to go to keep herself relevant even though she wasn't winning, it wasn't going to be that long until she had to do Playboy. But no - someone comes up with a great fuel strategy, and suddenly it's hello 'I'm not just a pretty face' and goodbye 'artfully done beaver shots in Playboy'! God damn it."
Doherty noted Patrick's recent appearances in racy ads for sponsor GoDaddy.com as evidence that she had begun "scrapping the bottom of the barrel" as far as ways to maintain a place in the spotlight, and that there was really no place left to go but Playboy.
"Maybe they'll do a GoDaddy.com ad where they congratulate her for winning the race, and that other girl from the ads will be the trophy girl and her boobs will keep popping out," Doherty said. "But no, she's probably too good for that now. Fuck!"
Doherty said that he was now holding out hope that LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis becomes mired in a terrible slump over the next two seasons.
"But not Lorena Ochoa," he added. "Dear God, not Lorena Ochoa. Let her win every week if that's what it takes..."
