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Showing posts with label Bud Selig. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bud Selig. Show all posts

Aug 28, 2008

MLB to require all players to speak English; league to contract to 8 teams

NEW YORK - Following the lead of the LPGA, Major League Baseball announced today that all players must speak English by the start of the 2009 season or be banned from playing. In a related story, it was also announced that due to an expected lack of eligible players, the league would be contracting to eight teams for the 2009 season.

"It's really hampered us that some of our star athletes can't fully participate in marketing baseball here in the U.S. because they don't speak English," said Commissioner Bud Selig at a press conference. "This move addresses that fact. Unfortunately, the only way to address that fact was to eliminate 75 percent of our workforce."

To ensure a high level of play, the Commissioner's Office decided to contract teams rather than calling up the remaining American minor leaguers, lumping together teams from similar geographic regions. Joe Torre, manager of the soon-to-be-called San Angeles Padgers of Anaheim, expressed concern over the plan.

"It doesn't seem fair to be that a kid should have his livelihood taken away just because he can't speak English," Torre said. "I mean, look at Manny Ramirez - just because he grew up in the Dominican and only speaks Spanish, that doesn't mean the fans shouldn't get to see him play."

Torre refused to believe reporters who informed him that Ramirez in fact speaks English and grew up in New York.

Current and former players had differing reactions to the decision. Former Braves closer John Rocker applauded the decision. Meanwhile, Oaklansico Marin-A's star Ichiro Suzuki immediately fired his interpreter, and went on a lengthy tour of radio and TV shows, speaking in eloquent English about ihs feelings on the matter.

Selig said he has hired bilingual lip readers to work with replay officials in New York, and they have permission to indefinitely suspend anyone suspected of speaking a foreign language in the dugout or during a meeting on the mound.

Posted by The Duke of Everything 0 comments

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Jun 25, 2008

MLB responds to rash of broken bat injuries by switching to maple balls

NEW YORK - Commissioner Bud Selig today announced that as a result of a string of injuries resulting from shattered bats made from maple culminating in an injury to a plate umpire at yesterday's Royals/Rockies game, MLB will be switching to maple baseball effective immediately.

"Based on recent events, we wanted to react quickly to ensure the safety of our players and umpire," said Selig. "However, because of the collective bargaining agreement with the Players' Union, we cannot ban maple bats, so we've decided to do the next best thing."

Selig said that despite MLB having done no testing, he believed switching to maple balls would solve the problem.

"I mean, obviously these maple bats are breaking because they aren't as strong and sturdy as the baseballs they are hitting," said Selig. "The answer, then, is to make sure that what the bat is striking has the same basic density as the bat itself. If we make the balls out of maple, we accomplish that."

Selig said he had asked Rawlings to immediately switch production from the traditional leather, twine and cork baseballs to the new, all-wood models. According to Selig, Rawlings has told him that they would only be able to accomplish this so quickly by using a production plant in India.

"Rawlings has told be that they would be able to start sending me the new "Cricket" line of baseballs almost immediately," said Selig. "I don't know how they were able to have these ready to go so quickly, but thank God that they did."

Players were mixed in their reaction to the announcement. The vast majority of pitchers were "shocked and appalled" at the decision.

"These balls, they're like 1/3rd of the weight of a real baseball," said reigning Cy Young MVP Jake Peavy, "and they don't have seams on them. How the hell am I supposed to do anything but lob a meatball over the plate that's going to get hit 600 feet with this thing?"

Not all pitchers were as negative. Former Cy Young winner Barry Zito said that the new ball would "even" the playing field between himself and other pitchers with "stuff", "location" and "velocity".

If this failed to fix the problem, Selig said, MLB has already contacted Wiffle Inc. as a Plan B.

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Dec 13, 2007

The Mitchell Report Afterglow: Is This It?

Now that I've had a few hours to digest everything, here's my thought on The Mitchell Report:

Meh.

I think that Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury News hit it right on the head: this was just enough juicy meat (Roger Clemens! Andy Pettitte! Miguel Tejada!) to keep the media satisfied, without actually addressing any of the big picture problems or assigning real blame (or consequences) for transgressions in the past all the way up the baseball food chain.

Mitchell's expressed belief that MLB should not punish people named in the report for past actions? Sound similar to Mark McGwire's "I'm not here to talk about the past, I'm here to focus on the positives in baseball" disaster in front of Congress? Probably not, because George Mitchell is a skilled politician and public speaker, used to saying a lot without saying much at all. Mark McGwire, on the other hand, is a lunkhead.

(Of course, Mitchell left the door open for punishing players if their actions were particularly offensive and therefore punishing them was, as the Commissioner would see fit, "in the best interests of baseball". More on this loophole in a second.)

So if we're not going to punish people based on the report, what's the point of naming names? If the idea is to catalog what happened merely as a way to develop plans moving forward, why are there 80 people who have been publicly linked to steroid and other substances, when referring to them as Player X would have served the same purpose?

Because the public and the media don't want that - we all want fresh meat. We've picked apart Barry Bonds' carcass to the point that all we have left is marrow. We're sick of talking about him, but who else could we publicly call a user and a cheat? A few journeymen and average players? Not good enough. The public needed a few new "faces" of the steroid era who could receive a show trial and be summarily hung out to dry.

And the proof: the meat of the report? Anyone looking for smoking guns should look elsewhere. There are some exceptions where there is pretty convincing, hard physical evidence linking someone to steroid purchases (it amazes me that athletes - or anyone - would purchase something illegal and shady with a check that has their name right on it. Can't they find a way to pull out cash from the bank? They might as well just put "For: HGH supplies" in the Memo section of the check.)

But for the big two - Clemens and Pettitte - as well as a majority of the players mentioned? A lot of hearsay and unsubstantiated testimony from witnesses/accusers with less-than-perfect reputations. In what should be a surprise to no one, Clemens' lawyer has already released a statement on behalf of his client, saying that Clemens:

...vehemently denies allegations in the Mitchell report that he used performance-enhancing steroids, and is outraged that his name is included in the report based on the uncorroborated allegations of a troubled man threatened with federal criminal prosecution.


And this is going to be the pattern you see time after time in the next few days: athlete expresses anger/sadness/disappointment that his name was released with this report based on baseless/unfounded/uncorroborated charges leveled by someone with a vendetta/a known criminal/a desperate former teammate facing a lifetime ban. And it will be hard to really argue, even if you know they are lying: most of these allegations wouldn't hold up in a criminal or civil court. Hell, the majority are so flimsy that a newspaper editor wouldn't run a story based just on them if the reporting was done by their writers.

But because "it's in The Mitchell Report", it's all going to be reported by every media outlet, with little context or additional reporting happening. The sad part is that there are nuggets of new information in the report, mainly about how team officials routinely either a) turned a blind eye or b) acknowledged steroid allegations or use when scouting players for potential trades. But interestingly, The Mitchell Report doesn't index each team or baseball front office executive is implicated in the report like it does for the players, so you probably won't be hearing as much about this.

(But, in order to drive home the point that Bud Selig - Mitchell's good friend and "boss" - was doing all he could to stop steroids and investigate wrong-doing despite the despotic and evil players union, the report does contain a letter the Union sent to its players urging them not to talk to the Mitchell Report committee without lawyers. Because the Union would rather direct it's workforce of minimally educated players talk with former Senators and investigators by themselves and "hope for the best!" Yeah, doesn't make sense to me, either.)

So what now? The Big Three - Clemens, Pettitte, Tejada - will be left out in stocks in the town square for the rest of the winter. If they survive, and the public has forgotten about them and moved on to some new sports scandal de jour, then Commissioner Selig will quietly let them go and heed the words of Senator Mitchell to let bygones be bygones. If the public is still baying for blood, however, then suddenly MLB will decide it's "in the best interest of baseball" to make examples of them by giving them lengthy suspensions/banning them from baseball/banning them from the Hall of Fame. Which would be insane, since the all-time HR king is currently awaiting a Federal trial on steroid related charges, with a mountain of evidence that's a lot more solid than what The Big Three have against them. And he's still going to play next season.

So I hope everyone enjoyed things today - the goofy "lists" being passed off as fact beforehand (again, Rich Garces wasn't a giveaway?), the build-up of the press conference followed by Senator NyQuil's insomnia-curing speech, the hours of post-announcement hand-wringing. At the end of the day, we're basically back where we started.

Posted by The Duke of Everything 0 comments

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