US to send team of coal miners to run in Beijing marathon

INDIANAPOLIS – Coming on the heels of Kenyan marathon record holder Haile Gebrselassie’s announcement that he would not compete in the Olympics because of concerns about China’s poor air quality, USA Track & Field today announced that they are sending a team of three coal miners from West Virginia to run in Beijing.

“Clearly, dealing with the air quality is going to be a huge factor in winning this race,” said USATF President Bill Roe. “We decided to go ‘outside of the box’ a bit to try and find people who are uniquely qualified to handle the unique respiratory challenges that our runners will face in Beijing. These miners have the heart, determination and the built-up resistance to toxic particles in their lungs to not just compete but to win.”

Roe said that a qualifying marathon will be held in Charlestown, West Virginia on May 16 to determine the three runners who will represent the United States in Beijing. To simulate the air quality conditions they will face in the Olympics, a fleet of 50 year-old municipal buses missing the catalytic converter will slowly drive just ahead of the runners.

However, runners in the qualifying race and in Beijing will have some relief. Roe said that all runners will be allowed to wear breathing devices that pump pure oxygen through a respiration system. Originally designed for use in cave-ins and other critical situations, Roe said the devices are the perfect fit for running in Beijing’s pollution.

“Sure, they may weigh 20 pounds, and that might slow our runners down a little bit, but at least we know they’ll finish and not pass out from an asthma attack or lack of oxygen,” Roe said. “Plus, these are tough guys who are used to working 18 hours a day in the harshest conditions known to man. Running for four hours with 20 pounds of equipment is practically a vacation for these guys.”

Roe may be right: already, hundreds of coal miners have signed up to compete in the qualifying marathon. One of them is Doug Miller, who has worked for 18 years in the coal mines outside of Thurman. Even though he has never run a marathon, or a race of any kind, Miller said he is looking forward to the opportunity.

“Today, I woke up at 4 a.m., and was lifting 100 lbs. of coal up a steep, two-mile tunnel for about 16 hours, with a half-hour break for lunch,” Miller said. “The marathon is what, four hours long? Yeah, I’m really, really worried about ‘hitting the wall’ at the 24^th mile.”

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:32 AM