...And We're Back

…and we’re back.

As you might have noticed, we’re been away for a little while. Long enough that you could almost fit an entire NBA Playoff schedule in there. For those of you who were worried, we didn’t pull some sort of Stanley Wilson-style coke binge and go missing from the face of the Earth (we’re not rank amateurs – we can handle our drugs).

The truth is, Your Face became a victim of its own success. Both fknmclane and I were able to parlay the fame and notoriety we gained from our writing here into gigs for other, more respectable sites. That paid. Real money, not just “the respect and admiration of our readers,” which is nice and all, but doesn’t pay for the 12-pack of Miller High Life we need to get through the day.

But here’s the thing: writing for other people might pay (some), but it’s not the same as writing for Your Face. Writing for other sites is about creating content that drives page views, meaning “see if you can write more about Erin Andrews;” writing for Your Face is about coming up with things that make us laugh, and hopefully you as well. And finding new ways to call Shaq fat. Because he’s just enormous.

So we’re back, and we plan on being here for the long haul. Unless we get a better offer. Or our wives tell us to stop.
McLane didn't have much to add, which is a shame. I was hoping for him to put something together, because I know he's very excited to be back working Your Face. Here is the email I received from him with his response to my request:

'Poop.'

So at least that hasn’t changed.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:40 AM 1 comments  

It's come to this: the shameless begging

As some of you might know, in the British vernacular, I was "made redundant" last week. Otherwise known as "I was laid off." The plus side is that this leaves me a lot more time for writing, specifically to bring you the type of marginal entertainment you've come to expect from Your Face is a Sports Blog.

The downside? Well, the lack of money. I'm not a big corporate blog like Deadspin or Sports by Brooks. I don't have a team of writers being beaten into submission and told what to write that will get the most SEO hits, blogosphere synergy or whatever the hell they call it. It's just me, writing about what makes me laugh, and hopefully you too.

I feel so weird about doing this, but several people have said that I should. So, there's a "donate" button on the righthand side of the blog. If you feel as though you want to help support me and this site, feel free to contribute...whatever you want. I know this feels very public radio, so I'll just end by reminding you about the free tote bag with $50 membership, and sending you back to "This American Life."

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 4:16 PM 1 comments  

Handicapabiling Challenge: McLane drinks an egg

091108_2044[00] [High quality and size]
by fightonusc

For the record, I would have thrown up before the egg even touched my lips. McLane is a much stronger man than I am.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:07 AM 1 comments  

Comedic Value of Mike Tyson in South Africa Puts Blog Writer in a Coma

LOS ANGELES – Blogger Richard Manfredi, a New York Times noted expert on sports and humor, was found in his apartment yesterday in an apparently paralytic state after trying to comprehend the comedic possibilities of Mike Tyson’s recent trip to South Africa.

Manfredi had sent the original story to Mark “fkn” McLane, a co-writer on the blog Your Face is a Sports Blog, at roughly 2 p.m. with the message “OMG OMG OMG!” Manfredi did not respond to multiple responses from McLane, who eventually called Los Angeles police, who broke down Manfredi’s apartment door and found the writer sitting, frozen at his computer desk, with the screen still on the Tyson story.

The story involved Jacob Zuma, the leader of South Africa’s ruling African National Congress, bowing to public pressure and not attending a charity banquet for Tyson as planned. Like Tyson, Zuma has been subject to allegations of sexual assault. In 2006, Zuma was acquitted of rape charges stemming from sex with a family friend that Zuma said was consensual. Zuma admitted to having sex with the woman without a condom, despite knowing that she was HIV-positive, but he took a shower afterwards to “cut the risk of contracting HIV.” During the trial, Zuma also said that he interpreted the fact that his accuser had been wearing a skirt as a sign of inviting his sexual advances.

Manfredi was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. At an early morning press conference, doctors said that Manfredi was "stable, although still essentially catatonic."

“We think that, after seeing the story, Mr. Manfredi’s brain had trouble processing all of the different comedic possibilities, while balancing the fact that trying to make light of any story involving sexual abuse and HIV is a tricky task at best,” said Dr. Winfield Jones, a neurosurgeon heading up Manfredi’s treatment team. “At some point, he believe that too many neurons were firing at the same time, and that he essentially overloaded the part of cortex that deals with humor. In short, he fried his brain.”

McLane speculated that reading that Tyson was good friends with Winnie Mandela, the ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela and someone with a checkered past of her own, might have been the final straw.

“I understand that as he was being rushed to the hospital in the ambulance, paramedics reported him muttering ‘Winnie Mandela is the next Robin Givens’ over and over,” McLane said. “The poor bastard never had a chance.”

Doctors are taking a “wait and see” approach to Manfredi’s recovery. He is currently being kept in a sound-proof isolation chamber in an attempt to minimize any stress placed on his fragile psyche.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:47 AM 4 comments  

Your Face is a Sports Blog mentioned by a certain New York newspaper

I was quoted in an article about the Super Bowl quarterbacks in a small newspaper. You might have heard of it - the New York Times. I'm pretty much as stunned as you can possibly be. There is roughly zero percent chance that I'm doing anything but buying about 20 copies on Sunday. Yeah, me as the guy who wrote "Friday Night Lights" - I'd say we're equally qualified to be interviewed as experts.

The best part is that I received a second quote, and there got a "Mr. Manfredi" usage on second reference. The Old Grey Lady's naming policies might be arcane, but it's the New York Times, and it's still stupidly cool.

I'm going to celebrate by having a Dr Pepper - and not even a Diet one. I know how to live large.

(Note: The story is in the "Style" section of the paper. As I type this blog post, I am wearing jeans that are "pegged" because it's raining and I don't want them to get soaked, and a T-shirt from a local liquor store that my wife bought for me at Goodwill for $0.99 because there's a typo in the phone number. Yeah, I'm Mr. GQ Smoothie.)

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:51 PM 5 comments