Dick Enberg, the Padres and Announcers Who Are Ready for the Retirement Home

A few weeks ago I was perusing some sports news online when I came across a story that literally made me do a double take. It didn't involve a player or a coach, but a broadcaster. It was the news that Dick Enberg was taking over as the play-by-play voice for the San Diego Padres starting next season. Reading this got me very, very angry – and at first I couldn't figure out why.


Why would I be so bothered that Dick Enberg was taking a job doing TV broadcasts for the Padres? After all, he's something of a broadcasting legend, and by all accounts – and I've heard several living in Southern California – nothing but a class act. There was no rational reason I could think of why reading about his new gig in San Diego should bother me so much.

Then I thought back to the last few NFL games that I heard Enberg do and remembered something: he's really, really lost it. In the past few games I've seen him cover, he's mixed up teams and players, forgotten down and distance – all the sort of things that a “veteran” like him shouldn't be doing.

What got me so mad was the fact that he wasn't getting the gig because of his current abilities but based on what we remember him being like. It's a form of sports nostalgia that we want to hear familiar voices calling games for us. But at some point the people who have been calling games for decades need to realize that they are far on the downside of their careers and make way for some new talent.

Somewhere, some kid in his 20s with a ton of talent who deserves a chance with a big league club is stuck doing play-by-play for the Fresno Grizzles or the Chattanooga Lookouts because there aren't enough spots open with major league teams. Meanwhile, the Padres are signing Dick Enberg to a contract – not because he's going to be the voice of the Padres for years to come but because...well, he's a name and a voice that people know, so he's a safe bet. Chances are that the management who decided to make the hire hadn't heard him call a game in years.

Believe me, I understand the lure of a familiar voice. I'm lucky enough to live in Los Angeles and get the chance to hear Vin Scully call Dodger games on a regular basis. Even though I'm decidedly not a Dodgers fan, I still get goosebumps hearing him call a game. The difference with Vin Scully being that even at his advanced age, I can't remember the last time I heard him make a significant mistake during a broadcast.

I don't mean to pick on Dick Enberg – there are any number of longtime play-by-play guys who are currently holding on to their positions just because of seniority and the work that they've done in the past. One example that comes to mind is Dick Stockton, who managed to screw the dramatic final minutes of the New York Jets vs. Atlanta Falcons game up about as badly as possible. I was watching the game, so I saw and heard it firsthand, but I'll let the august New York Times give you the particulars of the train wreck:

Late in the fourth quarter, with the Jets up, 7-3, Atlanta scored on a pass to Tony Gonzalez. Stockton said: "And Atlanta comes within a point of tying the score with 1:38 in regulation."

Instead of correcting Stockton, Davis analyzed the replay. (It should be noted that Stockton accurately predicted that the fourth down pass would go to Gonzalez.)

As Matt Bryant lined up for the extra point, Stockton said, "And this is a very important point after by Matt Ryan." (Well, in the grand scheme of things, Stockton was right, but Ryan is the Falcons’ quarterback, not their place kicker.)

After Bryant’s successful kick, Stockton said: "We’re tied at 10."

And so the drama of the fourth down touchdown that could have ended the Jets' playoff chances (little did we know how far the rest of the AFC would sink and just how little respect the Colts would have for the integrity of the game) was completely sapped by a comically inept play-by-play call. Of course, if you read Awful Announcing you know this isn't the first time Stockton has blown a call this year.

But yet he's still out there calling big games! Why? Because HE'S DICK STOCKTON! You remember hearing him calling the Lakers vs. Celtics games from the 1980s, right? Are you going to be the guy who tells Dick Stockton that he doesn't have it anymore? Plus, calling any game is better than staying at home when this filly is waiting for you at the pasture:



I could go on. A few weeks ago ESPN let Gary Bender call a couple of NBA games when Marv Albert (a veteran who can still get it done) was down with a sore throat. You might not know who Gary Bender is, which is kind of crazy since he called some of the biggest college basketball games of the last 30 years? Remember when NC State beat Houston on Lorenzo Charles' putback as time expired in 1983? He called that game.

Well, he's still calling games more than 25 years later, but unlike fine wine he's not getting better with age. Here's fknmclane paraphrasing a call of a play involving Lou Admunson and Juwuan Howard (who I still can't believe is still in the league):

Gary Bender: "...and they're going to call a travel on Amundson."

Reggie Miller: "uh"

Gary Bender: "no, it's a charge."

Reggie Miller: "uh"

Gary Bender: "no, it's a block on Howard. They're calling a block on Howard."

Much like old generals, old play-by-play men don't die. But they don't fade away either – they just drift into regional broadcasts and local TV, clogging up the airwaves with their confusion and ineptitude until someone has the decency to put them (and the viewers/listeners) out of their misery.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 1:51 AM 8 comments  

Eli Manning...Legend in the Making?

So there's this quarterback, right? He's from the South, and he becomes a star in the SEC. There's a lot of hype about him coming out of college, and after a lot of fanfare, he winds up in the Big Apple, where he's expecting to revive a failing team.

Immediately, there are problems: the media is all over him, a lot of his teammates don't like him, and the fans...oh, the fans. Every week there are questions about his ability, his maturity, and, more than anything else, his ability to be a leader of men.

And things aren't going great on the field, either, for the first few seasons. A great performance is followed up by a terrible one. He leads the league in interceptions twice in his first three seasons. Coming into his fourth season, a lot of people have had enough, and even his supporters are starting to question him.

Then, something happens in his fourth season. But not at first - for most of the season, it's the same problems as before. But, somehow, when his team needs big performances late, he gives it to them. Then, the playoffs come and he's brilliant - almost a different quarterback. The two-headed monster at running back is working, and he's the one pulling the strings. There's a confidence in his gaze and his stride that no one has ever seen before. His teammates see this and feed off of it - suddenly, he's their guy, and they'll run through walls for him.

And so he leads his team into the Super Bowl, where he faces unbelievable odds, against a seemingly invincible coach. And you know what? He wins that game, and in doing so becomes a legend.

Who am I talking about? If you said "Eli Manning," go stab yourself in the face with an ice pick. He hasn't led the league in INTs twice - just this season. I'm talking about Broadway Joe himself.

Yes, I'm comparing this guy:























...to this guy:



























...and I'm aware of how insane that seems. But the facts are the facts, and the similarities between Eli Manning as he prepares for the Super Bowl and Joe Namath ahead of Super Bowl III are kind of eerie. Look at their numbers through their first four seasons:

Namath: 55 G, 50.0 Pct., 12,753 YD, 78 TD, 87 INT
E. Manning: 57 G, 54.7 Pct., 11,385 YD, 77 TD, 64 INT

Not to say that this is destiny or anything, but if we're lucky, Eli will be starring in crappy Italian movies within two years, something we all need to see. Or, he could wind up doing an updated version of this commercial, which I'm sure no one wants to see:

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:36 PM 5 comments