Your College Football Viewing Guide: Week 9

As you may have noticed, we've stopped with the predictions. Basically, when the "winner" is going lucky to break .500, it's just embarrassing. So having completed shredded all credibility that I might have dreamed about having as a college football expert with my asinine picks, I've decided to start telling you what to watch, with a handy viewing guide for the weekend's games.

All listings come from the invaluable Matt's College Sports on TV Website. Check your local listings for...blah blah blah. Consider this your guide for going into a football-related coma until the NFL games on Sunday.

FRIDAY

Boise St. @ San Jose St. (6 pm PT/9 pm ET, ESPN2)

Here we are, moving into November, and I'll be damned if Boise St. isn't there contending for a BCS bowl berth again. And their doing it without a huge contribution from Ian Johnson, the poster boy of their Fiesta Bowl win. See what happens when you get married?

Meanwhile, San Jose St. has a pair of brothers who, for the first time in NCAA history, are each leading a major statistical category: Carl Ihenacho (tackles for loss) and his brother Duke (interceptions). But of course, I care more about the fact that the Spartans now refer to them as The Nacho Brothers, a nickname so awesome, it takes The Four Horsement out behind the middle school and impregnates it.

In fact, they should just go the Joe Theismann route and change their name to match the marketing ploy. I can't imagine anything better than being named Duke Nacho, but I'm biased. Maybe Duke Pizza would be close.

SATURDAY

Early Morning Game: Texas Tech @ Kansas (9 am PT/noon ET, ESPN)

ZOMG! NO ONE PLAYS DEFENSE! THEY WILL SCORE 150 POINTS!

Usually this kind of hyperbole leads to 20-13 snoozers. But there is no way that these two offenses and defenses (I'm looking at you, Jayhawks) will let that happen. Ever play Madden, but actually with 15 minute quarters, only to get burnt out when the score reaches 500? You might have some of that fatigue taking place in this game...if you hate scoring in football, and are a lefty Commie terrorist pal-arounder.

Afternoon Game: Georgia @ LSU (3:30 pm PT/6:30 pm ET, CBS)

As you've been reminded all week, this is a NATIONAL TITLE ELIMINATION GAME, as the winner still has a shot at making it to the BCS Title Game, while the loser gets their second loss and is almost certainly done. I guess. I mean, wasn't that what we said after LSU lost to Kentucky in November last year for their second defeat?

That being said, I haven't seen a thing from LSU that would led me to believe that they can score enough points to keep up with Georgia. Save for one awful half against Alabama, and the Bulldogs are the clear No. 1 team in the country right now. Yeah, going into LSU is tough, but the Bulldogs are far and away the superior team.

Evening Game: Penn St. @ Ohio St. (5 pm PT/8 pm ET, ABC)

The only thing I'm getting more sick of hearing about than Joe Paterno's leg is the Ohio St. Cockroach effect, as in "you keep writing them out of the national title chase, and they keep coming back." They keep coming back year after year because while they might lose one game, other teams find ways to lose two or more. That being said, they'll need win out and get some help to have a chance. Meanwhile, I think one loss dooms Penn St. - like Alabama, pollsters don't really believe in them, I think, and are looking for an excuse to drop them down.

In other words, this is a NATIONAL TITLE ELIMINATION GAME. If this becomes a laugher at halftime, feel free to cruise over to ESPN to see if Alabama has finally fallen on its face yet (and wouldn't it be amazing if Tennessee was the team to do the trick) or check and see if you get Fox Sports to see a USC vs. Arizona game that I think is going to be far more competitive than most people. TRAP GAME!

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 9:59 AM 1 comments  

Flooding, Destruction of Cleveland Fulfills BCS Game Bet

COLUMBUS - Ohio Governor Ted Strickland appeared at the state Capitol today wearing a smile and an LSU Tigers jersey. He was there to make good on a pre-BCS Title Game bet with Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal by announcing Jan. 20th as the date for the destruction of Cleveland by a major flood from Lake Erie.

"When I first called Governor Jindal to make this bet, we agreed to each make a bet based on what our state is most famous for," Strickland said. "Looking back, agreeing to release millions of tons of water from the dams around Lake Erie and unleashing a murderous torrent onto the citizens of our largest city hardly seems like a fair trade against a gallon of Louisiana hot sauce. But, a bet is a bet, and hey, it's just football, right?"

The Governor then immediately began expressing his condolences to the tens of thousands of Cleveland residents who will lose loved ones, their homes and livelihoods in the pending disaster.

Sources say that Strickland called Jindal immediately after LSU's 38-24 victory over Ohio St. on Jan. 7 to offer his congratulations and to beg Governor Jindal to spare his city. Jindal reportedly responded by declining, saying that "I guess we won't be alone at the bottom of every national survey on people who are homeless, unemployed or committing crimes, now will we?"

Despite the fact that Cleveland will between submerged in three to five feet within three days, Strickland expressed confidence that the turn-around and recovery will be swift.

"Governor Jindal has pledged that he will let the boys from FEMA know about our problem, and that they will be up there just soon as they are done repairing New Orleans," Strickland said. "I'm sure we'll be seeing the first FEMA crews any day now."

The entire Ohio St. offensive line has volunteered to man all dams, in an attempt to stop any water flows resulting in the opening of all gates. However, Strickland dismissed the effort as "futile."

"We're talking millions of gallons of water, and frankly, these guys couldn't stop a blitzing linebacker, much less nature's destructive fury," Strickland said.

In concert with Strickland's announcement, the Cleveland Visitor & Convention Bureau also announced a new "The Parts of Cleveland That Aren't Underwater or Teeming With Rotting Corpses Rocks!" tourism campaign.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 2:34 PM 0 comments  

BCS Title Game: The Morning After

Driving into work this morning, and then reading some of the blogosphere, there seemed to be an overwhelming consensus about why LSU beat Ohio St. 38-24 in the BCS Title Game last night: The Tigers simply had better athletes than the Buckeyes. "Too fast, too strong, too tough to contain!" is the refrain that I'm hearing over and over again. And while yes, the conventional wisdom is that Big Ten teams simply don't have the elite level of athletes that SEC schools do, I don't think it's that simple.

Getting past our preconceived notions, last night's game was simple, and brought up an equally disturbing trend that I've noticed among Big Ten schools: they simply cannot pass block. A big part of this, I think, goes back to where you come from. While Big Ten schools like Ohio St. might go cross-country to recruit skill players, the meat of their offensive line recruiting comes from the Midwest. And most high school teams in the Midwest are still run-first in nature. Offensive linemen don't work on pass blocking in the Midwest as much as they do in the West Coast or the South, where high school teams have much more balanced offenses. And pass blocking is a technique-based skill, versus run blocking which is much more about physical ability, size and power. You can try to teach pass blocking in college, but if the skills weren't developed in high school, you've got a long way to go.

I'll use my personal observations watching USC play Big Ten teams in the recent Rose Bowls as an example. In last year's Rose Bowl, Michigan's Chad Henne was sacked six times. In the 2004 Rose Bowl, Michigan's John Navarre was sacked nine times. This would kind of lead you to believe that this is just a problem with the Wolverines' offensive line. But in this year's Rose Bowl, Juice Williams was sacked five times by USC. The same "elusive" Juice Williams that was supposed to give USC fits all game. And make no mistake, the Illini has a lot of talent on offense - besides Williams, Rashard Mendenhall is going to be playing on Sundays, and Arrelious Benn was heavily recruited by USC.

But Illinois, like Michigan teams before them, could not cope with a sustained pass rush, and had no idea how to adjust to the variety of blitz packages USC was sending at them. These weren't just sacks, they were "linebackers coming in untouched and crushing the quarterback like an empty beer can" sacks.

Flash forward to last night. Ohio St. had shown early on that they had speed and athleticism at skill positions - witness Beanie Wells blowing past everyone for a 65-yard TD run on their first series. But if your line is getting pushed back play after play, it's going to wear on your line and they are going to start getting killed in the second half. And that's just what happened. They couldn't run, and Boeckman was scrambling for his life. Five sacks of Boeckman and a costly fumble on fourth down later, and that is pretty much that.

Again, it's history repeating - the Buckeyes were sacked five times in last year's BCS Title Game loss to an SEC team (Florida). Say all you will about "coping with speed" or "athletic disadvantages" - the thing that is holding the Big Ten back is their total inability to pass block, plain and simple. Get a Big Ten team down, where they have to pass and the defense can pin their ears back and rush hard? Look out.

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:35 AM 5 comments  

Petrino Overwhelmed by Congratulatory Gift Sent by Les Miles

FAYETTEVILLE, AR - New Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino was "blown away" by the massive congratulatory gift sent to him by LSU coach Les Miles today after it was announced that Petrino was leaving the NFL's Atlanta Falcons in midseason to take the vacant Razorbacks head coaching job.

"I mean, I could barely open the door to my office because there were so many gifts waiting for me from Coach Miles," Petrino said. "Candies, flowers, gift baskets, even one of those Vermont Teddy Bears in Arkansas red and white. I guess being part of the SEC coaching fraternity really does mean something."

Miles said that his enthusiasm for Petrino's return to the college coaching ranks had nothing to do with the recent scrutiny he has faced. Miles has been linked repeatedly to the vacant Michigan coaching job - even after stating he was staying at LSU and inking a contract extension.

"No one should read anything into it at all," Miles said. "It's just such an honor to have another NFL coach come to the SEC - the greatest conference in the country, by the way, and one that I will never, ever leave - that I thought it was only right on welcome him to the club. Obviously, he should be ready for a lot of media coverage. If I was in the media, I'd be writing about this non-stop instead of talking about other coaching vacancies - this is huge news!"

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 10:58 AM 0 comments