BALTIMORE – Buoyed by his recent haul of five gold medals at the 2009 World Championships while wearing an “outdated” Speedo swimsuit, American swimming superstar Michael Phelps today announced plans to swim at the 2012 London Olympics wearing swimming gear from the 1890s.
“Some friends and I were sitting around yesterday, listening to some old Bob Marley albums and…umm…drinking apple ciders, when we came up with this idea,” Phelps said. “We had the sound down on the TV, and Chariots of Fire came on and we just thought “whoa”. Plus, I’m getting bored winning everything.”
In response to his unusual request, apparel sponsor Speedo quickly began work on a signature line of “throwback” swimming outfits for Phelps, with the first offering set to debut in time for the 2010 swim season. It will be a knitted wool two-piece with wide red and blue vertical stripes. In accordance with the dyes available in the 1890s, each suit will only last for 150 meters of wearing before the dye completely runs off and into the pool.
Rivals were skeptical about Phelps’ plan, wondering if there wasn’t an ulterior motive to his moves.
“He knows that his time is coming and I’m going to be the one who ends his reign, so now he’s looking for excuses,” said Milorad Cravic, who lost to Phelps in the 100m butterfly by a fingertip at the Beijing Olympics and also lost to Phelps at the 2009 World Championships while wearing a technological superior suit. “When I do beat him – and I will beat him – it will be ‘Oh, my suit was too heavy, the extra 10 pounds of water weight, my nipples were raw from the wool’. What a whiner”
Still, Cravic said his apparel company Arena was preparing a new Victorian-era two piece suit made out of “flying-machine age” wool fibers “just in case” he couldn’t beat Phelps in his modern suit.
Speedo said that the company hopes that Phelps' decision will spark a retro swimwear craze.
"We've all seen how successful throwback football and baseball uniforms have been, so why not
retro swimsuits?" asked Speedo spokesperson Michael Flaherty.
In related story, boxing champion Manny Pacquiao said he was also bored with the ease he was winning fights, so he plans to fight bare-knuckled for his next title defense while billing himself as "Irish" Mickey O'Pacquiao.
2 comments:
I was also impressed with Albert Pujols' decision to switch to a 48-ounce hickory bat.
Yeah. But's it too bad they decided to "exclude" all the black players to "get back to Babe Ruth's time."
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