TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida State head coach Bobby Bowden said today that the cheating scandal that could decimate his roster for the Music City Bowl game against Kentucky and the 2008 season was not a symptom of a program out of control, but rather a unique “Turn Back the Clock” gimmick designed to remind fans and the team of the program’s glory days in the 1980s and early 1990s.
“You know, we were talking about doing something to remind these kids and all the fans just what Seminole football used to be all about,” said Bowden. “We talked about retro jerseys, or bringing back some old players. Then I got the inspiration. I said ‘Dad gum it, Florida State football ain’t about jerseys, or even the players. If we really want to turn back the clock, we need to get back to what we’ve always done best – get involved in a scandal that embarrasses the university, its fans and alumni.”
Bowden said that he was surprised at the uproar about the allegations involving up to 25 players and an online music history exam.
“It’s not like these guys are normally going to class anyway,” Bowden said. “We just thought it would be a change of pace to have them actually take the tests for themselves instead of just giving them their As – and when I say ‘take the test’, I mean ‘supply them with the answers for the test’, of course.”
Sincere thought was given to giving the team a shopping spree at a local sporting apparel store on the eve of the game, but Bowden staff quickly soured on the idea, saying that it was tough to “stack up to the pinnacle of this program’s achievements,” although they left the door open to use the idea in the future ahead of a game against Florida.
Bowden added that he thought his opponent for the Music City Bowl made it an ideal choice for this sort of “team-building activity.”
“I know the Kentucky program well, and I’ve known Coach Mumme for a long time,” Bowden said. “I’m sure he appreciates a good-natured, spirited scandal as much as the next person, and has his own thing cooked up for the bowl game.”
When informed that former Wildcats head coach Hal Mumme had been forced to resign in 2001 after a myriad of sanctions from the NCAA, Bowden stared blankly at the reporter for almost a minute before launching into a brief, rambling speech about the weather and how “things were different under FDR,” nearly choking on a Burger King hamburger and finally being led back to the team hotel by a school official.
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